i depend on other people

email from Sober in Seattle (day 210):  “I relate to your penpal who said: ‘I have never used…support…i have never consistently reached out to another person…’ — not just for sobriety, but for anything. I am 54, and my whole life i have tried to tread very gently through the planet, asking little from anyone, because i don’t want to be reminded of my childhood, where all need was an admission of weakness, and any request for help would be turned down.

Of course there are a hundred million ways every day that I depend on other people. The farmers who grow my food, the writers who create the books i read and shows i watch, the folks who maintain my car and my apartment building, the police and fire and emergency responders who make my world as safe as it can be. But none of this help requires me asking for something, me putting myself out there to get what i need.

I have not written emails every day of my sobriety to my sober pen pals (Belle and Apprentice Elise), not because i am trying to hide anything, or because i don’t have time, but because i have a habit cultivated over 50 years of not reaching out to people. Not asking for anything. Not being vulnerable.”

[update: she’s on day 229 today]



stay here bracelet
stay sober. stay focussed. just do today. stay here.
14 karat gold.
mailed from france.
complete with sober superpowers.

say what you need … with a smile

from hollm (day 8):

“Belle, It’s hard when the doubters are your own family. My dad said “her not drinking will last about a week”. Makes me sad but also gives me the I’ll show you attitude. What a shitty thing to say. But it’s straight out of the mouth of a drinker.”

me: you can say to your dad “thanks for this. I’m not interested in your ideas unless you’re positive and supportive. if you’re going to be a shit, then i will see you less and less.” And then smile your biggest and best smile 🙂

hollm: “That’s pretty bold! But so true.”

me: i think the big smile would be the key part. and if he’s really being a shit to you, then he’s not worried about hurting your feelings. so you can be very matter of fact that you’d like cheerleading only please 🙂

hollm: “Yes obviously he isn’t worried about my feelings, so being honest with him is only fair!”


~ shameless commercial link ~

this bracelet is for when your brain is worried about later. When wolfie says “you’ll never do this” you say “i’m staying here. i like being sober. i’m not going anywhere else.”

I got this message from Juliejean123: “I just wanted to check in and let you know how important my “stay here” bracelet has been for me on my sober journey. I have now been sober for 616 days!!! When I signed up for your 100 day challenge, I never thought I could make it 100 days or even 30 days for that matter. Yet, here I am at over 600! I owe a lot of this to sober treats, a lot of nights in the beginning of going to bed at 8 pm, an awesome sober penpal, and my bracelet. When I find myself feeling unsteady, uncomfortable, and just icky in my own skin I look at the bracelet on my wrist and remember to “stay here”. It reminds me to not future trip and not to look back on the past. To just simply stay here. I don’t go a day without wearing it. It has become that significant for me. A million thank you’s would not be enough 🙂 You are right, sober is better!! With love and thanks, juliejean123″ [update, she’s on day 1361 today]

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