i have a brand new client who is truly a gigantic anus, and a seriously irritating human.
I’m not in AA but i know enough to know that irritation, frustration and resentments are triggers for wanting big quantities of vino.
most weeks, most days, Mr. Anus broadcasts his shit elsewhere. About once a month, or so, he unleashes on me.
Like last night.
last night, he got in my face (by email) about something i’d done wrong. i explained as clearly and kindly as i could, that i was doing what we’d agreed, but that if he wants me to now start doing something else, he can write out the NEW steps and i’ll do those …
you know this kind of guy, right? you send him something short and sweet, and he fires off a long email back, that starts with a bristling: “let me make this very very clear …”
blood boiling. i realize i’m being triggered.
we come across lots of anuses in life, and i have (thankfully) removed myself from the reach of most of them. I even avoid family members with a ten foot pole if they’re anuses. i just don’t DO anus anymore, and haven’t for years (maybe 7 years or so).
Except for this client. He’s really the only anus i have left.
last night, i respond politely to emails. i allow myself to feel truly irritated.
then I say out loud, in my empty office, hoping my husband can hear me… “I want to go out for dinner, I don’t feel like cooking.” He says fine. Then I say, still alone in my office, again quite loudly and firmly: “I’m not going to drink.”
I said it out loud so that I can hear it, and so that hubby can hear it. So that in the restaurant, there’ll be no question of offering/declining.
I can’t extract all the anuses that exist in the world. Some of them will be neighbours, or parents, or clients, or sisters. I can distance myself as much as possible, put on my teflon face, get the fuck out of dodge, and I can firmly state out loud “I’m certainly not drinking because of YOU. You are a gigantic anus.”
there. i feel better already 🙂
thus begins Day 20.