Tag: sober art

are you working full-time this week?

Belle Leave a comment

from me:

What’s happening in the news doesn’t change what I have to do today, which is: be safe, protect my family, protect myself, protect my mental health, be sober, stay calm.

Because really, no matter what’s happening, running away with anxiety feelings won’t serve me. And it certainly won’t make me better able to do my job.

There are a lot of people in this economic world, right this minute, who aren’t working (aren’t able to work, teachers who’ve been sent home, restaurant workers who’ve been sent home, FedEx delivery people who’ve been sent home, all the staff at the Gap is on furlough) …

But a smaller percentage of us are working through this time, including while trying to homeschool kids (like still doing a 10 hr day where you’re in charge of staff, making decisions about who’s being laid off and who’s being furloughed, in addition to homeschooling your 7-year-old).

I have many healthcare workers in my inbox, who work on the front-line, and are going to work every day. I have nurses, I have a radiology tech who is continuing to read scans. I have a guy who does financial planning and is assisting companies as they decide what aspects of their businesses to shut down, I think he’s doing that with 10 companies at the same time when normally maybe only one company a year might have a crisis. (I think he said he had 16 out of 20 companies that were in crisis.) So he’s working 14 hr days.

I’m also working between 4 and 10 hrs, depending on the day. Certainly in the very beginning (3 weeks ago), that my energy was so unpredictable. I was fine, then I was exhausted, then I was sleeping a lot, and then I was fine, and then I was exhausted, and then I was sleeping a lot…

[we do what we need to do. those of us who are working now have different strategies perhaps. one of mine is ‘no news’ … if you’re working full-time this week, what is one of your ‘keep your head attached’ strategies?]

~

This text above was typed out by me, based on the april 1st facebook live update from the duck pond. if you’d like to watch this video, you can go here. you don’t need to log in to facebook or ‘like’ the video to watch it.]

~

this is a close-up of painting “Day After Day 2”
link here > www.artsober.com

Drinking is incongruent behaviour

Belle Leave a comment

This is an audio clip from Sober Podcast #215. I did a personalized audio for a subscriber about fear, defensiveness, rationalizations. And it’s also about the incongruent idea of drinking — how having alcohol in your life wouldn’t match up with what you say, and who you say you are. You can listen to this clip from the audio, and then send me a comment.

If you’d like to listen to the whole thing, you can use the link to download link at the bottom of this message.

Question: In what way is drinking incongruent with who you say you are?

Download / Purchase the entire podcast episode ($4.99)
Sign up for the podcast membership (1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

 

 

~

This is one of the first paintings Mr.Belle did, back before i started putting them on the site. this is a RARE example of early work … Exit the situation. If booze is an elevator that only goes down, then you EXIT. Now would be a good time. You were looking for a sign? Here’s your sign.… 

new painting posted
this is #614: Exit
link here > www.artsober.com

thanks for your support, it means so much! at one painting per day, that’s enough to keep the lights on …

see this new painting here > www.artsober.com

~ hugs from me (and him)

 

 

f*ck this boring sober sh*t …

Belle Leave a comment

email from A: “Hello Belle, the arguments and rationalisations that Wolfie comes up with are nuts! I’ve made a list of Wolfie’s repertoire of tricks. And each time Wolfie pipes up, I can quickly identify which trick he’s trying to pull, and call him out!

  • Romanticisation (it’s soo nice and cosy and glamorous and comforting to have a lovely glass of red/white/beer/etc)
  • Minimisation (I’m not that bad, I haven’t crashed a car, my husband still loves me, I can handle my addiction)
  • Bargaining (just one drink; if I treat myself to a relapse today I can get back on the horse tomorrow, etc.)
  • Defeatism (I’m no good at this sober thing, I might as well drink because I’m going to fail eventually anyway, I’m hopeless, etc.)
  • Rebellion (fuck this boring sober shit, wohoo, I’m a shit-hot rebel and I’m going to defy all the insipid vanilla crap my sober self is telling me to do, because who gives a fuck!)
  • Impersonation (this is when Wolfie pretends that he is me, that his voice is actually MY OWN voice, and he does his level best to convince me that what I really, truly, absolutely want is to drink no matter what my sober self is telling me).”

~

[have you heard some of the wolfie voices lately?]

 

~

Grace when times are hard. Kindness to yourself and others. Taking care of you.

new painting posted
this is #607: Grace
link here > www.artsober.com

thanks so much for your support 😉 at one painting per day, that’s enough to keep the lights on …

see this new painting here > www.artsober.com

~ hugs from me (and him)

 

we’re used to taking care of ourselves

Belle Leave a comment

email from apprentice dale: “There is something zen about letting go, just accepting that instead of the busiest month we’ve ever had at work, this May will likely be income-less … [and that by being closed], we can say that during this time we did our best and we did our part.
I was thinking today that sober people are well prepared for situations like this. We’re used to staying home while people go out to bars late at night. We’re used to dealing with uncomfortable feelings and letting them pass.  We’re used to telling ourselves to stay in the present and not make ourselves crazy thinking about a future that isn’t here yet.  We’re used to the idea that we will feel differently in 2, 10, 30 days than we do from today. We’re used to distinguishing between the shit we can change and the shit that we can’t. We’re used to taking care of ourselves no matter what is going on around us. I’ve been wondering why I’ve been feeling more zen when so many people whose lives will be less impacted than mine are freaking out — and I think it’s because I’ve been training for this for a while now, I just didn’t know it :)”

 

~

Grace when times are hard. Kindness to yourself and others. Taking care of you.

new painting posted
this is #602: Grace
link here > www.artsober.com

thanks so much for your support 😉 at one painting per day, that’s enough to keep the lights on …

see this new painting here > www.artsober.com

~ hugs from me (and him)

 

I can control what I do today to help myself

Belle Leave a comment

email from MelMel (day16):

“Hi Belle, I feel a bit better this morning. I figure it’s all like this COVID-19 – I don’t have any control over it. But I DO have control over myself.  I can’t control what damage I’ve done already with my drinking, but I can control what I do today to help myself. The virus is similar to drinking: in order to assure these two things don’t kill me, I will follow the experts which includes WHO, the CDC, and Belle. The guidelines and sober advice. The government rules and 100 days no alcohol. I will also follow  the precautions and being aware of prelapse. These are the things I can control  in order to keep the virus and booze away from me. I will immediately reach out should I feel sick or the need to drink. I will take this time to mend my body and calm my mind. I will remind myself that thinking about doomsday catastrophic events that have not happened, are not helpful to me or anyone. I certainly wouldn’t go to a place where I know the virus would  infect me, just as certainly I wont go and consume alcohol with the intent to infect me. That’s my ‘everything is like everything’ for today! Ha!!”

[update: she’s on day 29 today]

~

Grace when times are hard. Kindness to yourself and others. Taking care of you.

new painting posted
this is #602: Grace
link here > www.artsober.com

thanks so much for your support 😉 at one painting per day, that’s enough to keep the lights on …

see this new painting here > www.artsober.com

~ hugs from me (and him)

 

for whom the belle tolls

Belle Leave a comment

subscriber ‘Thursdays Heather’ was one year sober on Tuesday, and she wrote this:

“We all have an inner-dialogue, whether we’re aware of it or not. This fact was amongst the many I took for granted as I began my quest to be alcohol free. I was on auto-pilot long enough that my sensible voice of reasoning was all but a tiny whisper. The war within my mind was growing ever increasingly louder; I needed living, real-life examples of how this newfound alcohol-free life worked. I needed to know if there was anyone else who felt, thought and behaved in the manner I did before toying with the notion that I was indeed certifiable (again) … I happened on a book, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober …” >> click here to read the full article <<

~

mags2020 suggested that I make a magnet with ‘xo’ on it, like how i sign my emails sometimes. so i go looking around this morning and the only blank magnets I could find are these special rectangular ones. I asked him to stop his breakfast (!) and put ‘hugs’ on it in lower case. then I wrote on the xo. This is an experiment …

special edition rectangular magnet
acrylic & ink on handcut card stock
approx. size is 5.5 x 7.5 cm (2.25″ x 3″)
magnet 401 > link

 

 

 

What is your old habit that weighs you down?

Belle Leave a comment

email from Runlily (day 17):

“This morning I picked up my handbag that I carry everyday. I pulled out a pair of gloves, thinking, I dont need these today. then I pulled out a small can of hair volumizer spray (that I have not used one time), a pair of socks, an ace bandage, 3 tubes of lipstick, a baggie of vitamins, perfume, a package of thank-you notes. I placed all these items on my table and thought, if i am not using these things, and they dont serve a purpose in my day, why the fuck am I toting them around with me?!?! seems ridiculous.

and I realized…

this is just like alcohol.

why carry an old habit when it weighs me down, worrying that if I don’t have it, I won’t be able to get through the day????

I’m free! I remember you saying that ditching the booze is like putting down a bag of rocks. I finally get it. I dont need those things from the bottom of my bag to make a day better, and I dont need booze to make me better.

how fortunate we are to have you describing this!! many hugs”

 

~

the problem with adopting magnets is that the ones with different or new words, well they often feel left out. There haven’t been many ‘s’élever’ magnets. you know what it’s like. you watch all the Exit and Stay magnets go by, and you wait. so today i want to share s’élever with you, this is magnet painting #386. In order to facilitate her adoption, i’ve taken two photos of her — one where she is standing strong in the bright light, and one where she is quietly working away at protecting your fridge …


you can find her on this page here > www.artsober.com

[ She will be on this page until she is adopted, and then once adopted, I will remove her from the page. so if you go check, and she’s not there, it’s too late 🙁 ]

s’élever = to rise up, to raise yourself up, like an elevator …

 

Go on vacation? (feedback) You may need to do a little less, not more…

Belle 1 Comment

from me:
Yesterday, I shared an email from Katie143 about her new day 1, and an upcoming vacation that she wasn’t sure she should take. I asked you to share ideas on what you thought I would reply to her …

First i’ll copy in a shortened version of K’s email, and then below i’ll start to share some of the MANY replies I’ve received.

What about you? Do you think K should attend a girls weekend on day 5 sober?

[shortened]
email from Katie143:

“… I am on day 1. I wanted to lie to you and say it was day 11 but it is not. I am starting over and what a bummer. I went to our family club last night and I indulged . Everyone was having drinks. No one pressured me or asked me. I was just having fun and made an impulsive decision … I planned a girls’ weekend with friends from school, only us ladies. No kids! I planned the trip and also planned a lot of activities so the entire trip would not just be sitting at the pool drinking. However, I am not sure if I should go. Yes, I can tell them I plan on not drinking. They would not care much. I am just not sure I would be able to control my impulsivity and not just say what the heck. Especially since I am starting over at day 1 today. I am supposed to leave this Friday. What do you think? Should I cancel? Any words of advise would be great.”

from me again, here are some of the emails i’ve received. how do you feel when you read these?

  • It’s early days. This is in the ‘too difficult’ box. If she wants to stay sober, she should not go. The price of the rest of her life vs a holiday, there will be others. Plan an extended sober treat instead.
  • Wow, Katie143 is in a tough place. She does not sound like she’s ready to stop drinking … I would definitely not go on a girls’ weekend trip in very early sobriety (less than 30 days).
  • I would recommend that you go on the vacation with her girlfriends as it is quite likely one of them is struggling with a similar addiction or hardship. Staying home and being a martyr does not work; it only makes it worse. We need our deep friends and connections from the past to remind us of who we are and why we chose them as friends in the first place.
  • I would say don’t go on the trip until you’re at least 30 days sober, especially because you just had a setback at a drinking type event. Stay home drink tea and get some momentum … and wrap yourself in bubblewrap for extra safety 🙂
  • Belle, I don’t know if this is the answer you want, but lots of people are cancelling travel plans now because of the fear of Corona virus, especially if they are older and/or have pre-existing conditions. Or she could have been advised by her ‘medical adviser’ not to drink at the moment.
  • Of course you should go! Tell wolfie to shut the f&£k up … why should he ruin your time away with your girlfriends!?! And without kids too! Total bliss 🙂 Your friends won’t give a shit you’re not drinking … Being the sober one is great! You see and feel everything. You remember everything and you feel bloody fantastic 🙂 Please don’t let wolfie rule your life anymore!
  • K, since you are asking, it might mean that you’re thinking it would be a good idea to skip this trip. Especially since you are on Day 1, your only goal right now should be to stay sober. You may need to do a little less, not more. There will be trips with friends in the future, but they don’t need to happen on Day 5. Day 5 is for lots of treats, going to bed early, and avoiding overwhelm.
  • I just had this experience in the fall. I was at 73 days and went away on a girls’ weekend with every intention of not drinking and then I did. It took me 6 weeks to restart after that, because I kept finding excuses not to restart once I let alcohol back into my life. I think it would be best if Belle strongly suggests that she does not go at this time. There will be other girls’ weekends further down the road when she has more sober momentum.

~

Magnet painting #387 needs to be adopted. In order to help him to find his forever home, I’ve taken two photos  of him — one where he poses in the good light, and one where he’s ‘in action’ on the fridge …

 

you can find him on this page here > www.artsober.com

[ well, he’ll be on this page until he’s adopted, and then once adopted, I will remove him from the page. so if you go check, and he’s not there, it’s too late 🙁 ]

should I go on vacation?

Belle Leave a comment

I received this email today from Katie143, and i want you to imagine how i will reply to her:

“Hi Belle, So Sunday did not go as planned and I have no one to blame but myself. I am not on day 11. I am on day 1. I was so disappointed in myself I wanted to lie. I wanted to lie to you and say it was day 11 but it is not. I am starting over and what a bummer. I went to our family club last night and I indulged . Everyone was having drinks. No one pressured me or asked me. I was just having fun and made an impulsive decision. My husband was not there (he is my police and maybe I would not have done it or I might have and would have tried to hide it) but I have no one to blame but myself. I was having such a great time I just grabbed a glass. And then another. I am so disappointed and embarrassed that I have to tell someone- which I guess is the whole point of this. So I am glad you are here to keep me accountable.

I have a question for you. I planned a girls weekend with three other girlfriends from high school that I am still in touch with. We try to go every other year and all fly somewhere and meet up. Only us ladies. No kids! I planned the trip and also planned a lot of activities so the entire trip would not just be sitting at the pool drinking. However, I am not sure if I should go. Yes, I can tell them I plan on not drinking. They would not care much. I am just not sure I would be able to control my impulsivity and not just say what the heck. Especially since I am starting over at day one today. I am supposed to leave this Friday. What do you think? Should I cancel? Any words of advise would be great.

Thank you for listening and being here. I have never been so honest about my drinking. My husband hates when I lie and say I have not been drinking when I have but I only lie because I don’t want him to be disappointed and I am ashamed. It is so much easier to talk to a person who doesn’t have to see my face.

All my love and gratitude.”

~

now, what do you think i would say to her this morning? She’s leaving for her trip on Friday.

Post a comment below with your ideas, pretend you’re me, what would I say to her in this situation? i’ll pick 3 or 4 replies to share with Katie143. Don’t delay, do this now 🙂

 

Just when I think he can no longer surprise me, he presents me with a birthday gift, hand-painted, just like the painting below.

It’s so beautiful that I take it to bed with me, prop it up on the side so I can see it night and morning.

“When did you do it?” I ask.

“Hiding upstairs in the studio. Sometimes you asked me what did I do ‘today’, and I had to lie.”

“Oh wow. It’s so lovely. Can you other ones, similar but different?”

“Yes,” he says. “Each one will vary a bit, in colour and tone.”

“OK, fine.”

This is the fourth one …

From Lake to Sky IV

From Lake to Sky IV
canvas itself is 30 x 30 cm (12″ x 12″)
oil on wrapped canvas, varnished, edges of the canvas are painted black
Wood frame is African ayous (hardwood), pale straw colour.

Free shipping included.

Available with frame
($195 USD; approx 155 GBP)

Or without frame
($135 USD; approx 115 GBP).

Colour
The colour of this painting changes dramatically depending on the lighting in the room. Screens on computers can also give inexact representations. The painting will always look better in real life than on the screen.

Shipping
Please allow 3 weeks for delivery; this painting is halfway through its drying process but needs a few more weeks before it’s ready to be varnished.

hugs from me & him

p.s.
… thanks to vermont for the inspiration.