search engine results: quit living under other peoples spells

Here are some of the search phrases that people have used in the last 30 days that have led them to my blog…

  • tired of thinking about drinking
  • 100 day sober challenge
  • one year sober now what
  • fuck you wolfie
  • sobriety without aa
  • older adult sobriety blogs (!)
  • online sobriety support
  • have not lost weight sober
  • quit living under other peoples spells
  • im an alcoholic and i want to stop but i dont like aa
  • lovely ass
  • wolfie anal
  • i am so tired of being shit on
  • (not suitable for work!)
  • dog shit tired
  • small fuck
  • i just want oreos
  • wouldn’t say spit if they had a mouthful


search engine results: “hammered dog shit”

Here are some of the search phrases that people have used in the last 30 days that have led them to my blog…

  • stop drinking blogs
  • belles sobriety
  • ways to stop drinking without aa
  • dehydrate the wolf
  • lovely ass
  • hammered dog shit
  • being sober is the best
  • hey jessica fuck you
  • online sobriety support
  • first year of sobriety
  • fuck you wolfie
  • tell me something good about sobriety
  • one fucking day at a time bracelet
  • www pessing drking an
  • bracelet fuck me
  • is being sober worth it
  • why i’m not special ?
  • how wine ruined my life
  • quitting drinking is cool
  • super small fuck
  • belle blogger sobriety
  • best part of sobriety is sleep
  • i’m not special
  • shitstorm of treats
  • fuck you bracelet
  • john wayne quotes “life’s hard, it’s harder when you’re stupid”


Happy Day 50 to Otherjosh!

Happy Day 50 to Susannah!

Happy Day 50 to Missie515513!

Happy Day 100 to Lisch!

Happy Day 180 to Jeannie Yogini!

Happy Day 365 to KT!

i’ve drawn all of my 8 tentacles back into myself

i have some typical characteristics of over drinkers. I’m sensitive — to people, to emotions, to noise, to stuff. I’m an over-thinker. I’m sucky at self-care. I crave treats. I’m not unfamiliar with chaos.

All of these things become really evident once I’m alone. I was crying when Mr. B left this morning, and then minutes after the door closed, I was in bed under the covers, reading my book. I went for a run, bought treats, and settled into a really nice and easy day. I watched a hockey game, ate, rested, watched half of a movie, some cooking shows, enjoyed the sunshine, and generally i’ve felt at ease.

It’s like i’ve drawn all of my 8 tentacles back into myself.


and now i’m just doing what I want, when I want to.

When Mr. B. is here, which is always, i’m sensitive to what he’s doing. I hear him. I pay attention to him. I realize that we’re both online too much. I plan whether to eat now or later based on what he’s doing. I know it’s time for bed and he wants to stay up longer… or he wants to go to bed earlier.  then once we’re in bed, I hear him sleeping (!).

now that he’s gone, it’s like i’m not responsible to or for anyone. for anything. to be clear, mr. b makes no demands on me. it’s not that he likes dinner at 7 pm or anything like that. in fact, he’s just the opposite. and i feel like i wait for him to give me signs. eat now or later? he’s actually fine with both. it’s me who does all the dancing around him.

right before he left this morning, i told him that the last time we’d spent any time apart, i was still drinking, and i used to plan to fill my evenings with wine. Now, in the absence of wine, i was going to — instead — push the reset button and see if i can just focus on doing what i want. can i really feel myself on the inside, just take care of me. can i just focus on me, and not worry about him.

i told him i was going to spend the next 9 days alone EITHER working or cleaning or reading or doing nothing.

I’m going to see if i can actually find out what i FEEL like doing. can i be still long enough for the next right action to present itself. apparently i felt like writing this 🙂 now i feel like a bath. it’s 8:23 pm local time. I feel like watching Remains of the Day and then going to bed. I feel like sleeping 10 hrs. I feel like mr. b’s flight should land just as i go to bed, and then i can turn off the phone and just sleep …

there’s a co-dependent, critical, enmeshed word for people like me. It’s really easy to be critical. Today I call it being honest.



Happy Day 50 to Toni

Happy Day 50 to Jill

Happy Day 50 to Robin

Happy Day 50 to CindyW

Happy Day 50 to NRT

Happy Day 50 to Teri

Happy Day 50 to Shamrockleah

Happy Day 50 to Phoebe

Happy Day 50 to Mark Twain

Happy Day 50 to Graceful

Happy Day 50 to Santa Cruz

Happy Day 50 to Claire

Happy Day 50 to Bonnie

Happy Day 50 to Doll Face!

Happy Day 50 to Irish eileen

Happy Day 50 to S

Happy Day 50 to Carolyn V

Happy Day 50 to Wilky

Happy Day 50 to confusedliberal

Happy Day 60 to Missmeliss

Happy Day 100 to Mack!

Happy Day 100 to Josh

Happy Day 100 to TheFun4

Happy Day 100 to Laurel

Happy Day 100 to Helen

Happy Day 100 to Hazeleyes

Happy Day 100 to Tim

Happy Day 180 to Nic

Happy Day 180 to Jules

Happy Day 180 DianeLouise

Happy Day 200 to Victoria

Happy Day 300 to KT

search engine results: “fat girls in plastic wrap”

Here are some of the search phrases that people have used in the last 30 days that have led them to my blog…

  • tired of thinking about drinking
  • sex confession
  • sober is the new black
  • belle blog without alcohol
  • alcohol free whiskey
  • how to get sober without aa
  • 100 day not drinking challenge
  • good housekeeping magazine tired of thinking about drinking
  • i want to be sober again
  • five months sober and my skin looks great
  • 100 day challenge wolfie
  • why do i always think about alcohol
  • am scared of relapsing
  • is getting sober worth it
  • ok i’m going to fuck dedra’s husband because i can
  • i’m going sober starting today
  • ice cream and sobriety
  • sober without aa
  • fat girls in plastic wrap
  • sober belle
  • feels great to wake up sober
  • how to get free money for being sober

“how about a nice cup of shut the fuck up”

From the last 30 days, here is a sample of search engine terms that people entered into Google that led them to my blog …

  • tired of thinking about drinking
  • the upside to quitting drinking
  • 100 day sober challenge
  • witching hour drinking
  • getting sober made me better
  • i threw up on my teacher
  • can you go 100 days without a drink
  • the best thing about being sober
  • do i want to be sober
  • gigantic anus
  • how to fill out the day when sober
  • quit drinking and pursue passion
  • how about a nice cup of shut the fuck up
  • change my thinking about drinking
  • jason vale bullshit
  • anus belle
  • what is the 100 day sober challenge good or bad
  • i’m always tired – is it the wine i drink?

I never know whether to laugh or cry …

I kind of like ‘anus belle’, maybe i should get a t-shirt with that written on it. i can wear that shirt in addition to my other t-shirt ideas that i’ll stock in my imaginary sober store:

  • “Pick Good Guys, Not Turds”
  • “Wieners do not get to rule the world”
  • “Cake there shall be”

and my personal favorite

  • “Fuck You Wolfie.”


search engine results: “champagne no thanks”

Here are some of the search phrases that people have used in the last 30 days that have led them to my blog…

  • tired of thinking about drinking
  • jason vale alcohol
  • best things about being sober
  • tired of thinking of drinking
  • does behavior change after sobriety?
  • its great being sober
  • drinking in bed and fucking
  • slamming hand
  • tired of thinking at work
  • i will do today what others won’t
  • champagne no thanks
  • now that i’m sober i see what changed
  • pink cloud luncheon
  • i think this too much drinking wine is all nonsense
  • tips for getting past the drinking witching hour
  • 2’s up wolfie
  • another word for freedom
  • i get more done when i am not drinking
  • whats a good headline for being sober
  • i think i’m at that point to kill someone
  • change the behavior and the thinking changes
  • i think about alcohol all the time

search engine topics

here are some of the words people have typed into search engines in the last month that led them to my blog… i can’t tell whether to laugh or cry!

  • tired think drink
  • best sobriety blog
  • online sobriety support
  • gigantic anus
  • 8th day of stopping drinking two bottles of wine a night
  • best part of being sober
  • whether you think you can or you can’t
  • read jason vale’s book and still want to drink
  • i’m fucking through the night
  • is anxiety tiring
  • i’m tired of drinking
  • drinking champagne while i’m in despair
  • best part about being sober
  • “i was thinking only of me”
  • trying to get through the night without a drink
  • fuck this i’m going to sleep [who types this into a search engine and then follows the links?]
  • no off button with drinking
  • she eats bread and butter
  • good things about being sober

search engine topics

I love reviewing the terms that people enter into search engines that ultimately lead them to my blog. They’re both sad and hilarious at the same time …

Here are some of the best for the past 30 days:

  • i’m tired and going to my bed (note: imagine entering this into a search engine, and then clicking the results links … really? tired? go to bed then .. don’t do research about it!)
  • tired if thinking about drinking
  • how to celebrate 90 days sober
  • i am working on a book i will never finish
  • “i’ll fill the tub”
  • gigantic anus
  • ode to red wine
  • how to feel after a girl threw up in my car
  • shaking and tired day 3 no alcohol
  • i am grateful to be a young woman
  • fastidiousness or ocd
  • when does one start to feel pink cloud
  • fucking mom while she vomits
  • im afraid ill get no followers
  • hope you love my anal
  • 5 days sober and craving a drink
  • fucked before bed with glasses on
  • job i can work in different countries i’m adaptable
  • ten things i am grateful for in recovery
  • i love my husband, but i’m curious
  • belle anus
  • can i stop drinking a bottle of red wine a night?
  • i am grateful for chocolate
  • note to self: you are different. note to self: there are great things coming ahead of you. note to self: believe.

Hope you have a happy Tuesday. This is my 100th post in my 136th day of sobriety. Thanks for hanging around : )

“i ate the chicken”

some of the best (and worst) search engine terms that have brought people to my blog over the last 6o days.

  • tired of thinking about drinking
  • jason vale alcohol
  • gigantic anus
  • how to celebrate 90 days sober
  • ode to red wine
  • where to set up a hot dog stand
  • does your metabolism change if you stop drinking red wine
  • 8th day sober
  • big anuses
  • oh god i wish my husband had a dick this big
  • pink cloud sober
  • hilarious misunderstanding
  • irritated by drinking habits of husbands
  • if shit were a mouthful
  • i ate the chicken
  • swarming thoughts of you
  • why can’t i sleep well after drinking red wine
  • drink every night, brain feels fragmented
  • 4 glasses of wine before bed
  • bored in hotel room drinking beer
  • first day sober from alcohol
  • feeling sad and irritated first 30 days of sobriety
  • how to make wife stop complaining about drinking
  • sober vacation france
  • i want my teacher to notice i throw up
  • jobs which require drinking with clients
  • sample topics for sober thinking
  • 10 things i’m grateful for
  • i’m grateful for my husband

i’m sure the person who entered “i ate the chicken” was super disappointed to be directed to my blog as a result …