reindeer, snoopy, donuts

i will continue to share stories of simple gifts, simple kindness, and simple holidays so long as my inbox continues to look like this …

Ma: “Hello Belle, I heard about you from Catherine Gray’s book, she said she found great solace from you and your writing and I can see why. My best Christmas memory is of me putting my four year old daughter to bed and Mum pretending to be a reindeer outside, some bells and snorting, my daughter was delighted that the reindeer had come.”

Pa: “We were a family of  five back in 1963. We didn’t have a ton of money … and never spent money on elaborate decorations for the home. We just had some simple old coloured lights and one green flood light. Back in the olden days, the flood lights seamed to last forever, you would plug it in and without fail it beamed bright year after year. In those days we could always count on another thing too: tons and tons of snow. One year I got a super idea to create a subject for the flood light, on our front lawn. So I worked tirelessly with my wet mittens at sculpting a simple Snoopy, then the next year I took things up a notch and created Frosty the Snowman holding ET’s hand and pointing up at the night sky. I had even got out my water colour paints to glorify the sculpture. It became a big hit. Many cars would creep slowly by our home or even stop for a while so they could get a good look at the characters in the spot light. It made people smile. And that is what Christmas is all about to me, it’s in the heart. The little things…”

We: “One year when my children were their early teens, we celebrated the solstice with a candle lit walk with friends in their woods. there was snow that year and we had a beautiful walk with fresh home made donuts after. We have continued the tradition of gathering for the solstice (with donuts), but that was the only year there was deep snow and a trek through the woods (my girls are now 28 and 26 and it is still a simple celebration that we all look forward to (I don’t make the donuts, friend does!)” [me: now i’m craving donuts, am i right?]

~

 

mr.belle has painted some cardstock that he’d usually use for magnets. but he’s done them on the diagonal, and double-sided! and with a little hole punched in the top, and some hemp cord, we have a christmas ornament (perhaps) or you can hang it from your cork board, or your car’s rearview mirror…

 

link > www.artsober.com

front

 

back

 

link > www.artsober.com

motivation is hard to find in a pandemic

first i want to say thanks. for all of the things. for being here, opening emails, listening to audios.

we’ve been going through a weird time, haven’t we? today is day 55 of full lockdown for paris, and we have 3 more days to go until the duck pond, a walk outside the neighbourhood, and being able to open the front door without paperwork to prove where we’re going.

during this weird time, you have struggled with pressures, you’ve had more than your share of anxiety, and in some cases you’ve seen illness and death first-hand (covid, suicide, alcohol-related, in-laws).

every morning i get up and i check my email to see how you’re doing. to see if you got the treat you said you were going to (take-out quiche!), or if you made the virgin lime drink for may 5th, or ordered the candle.

i have to say that after the first week or so, my inbox has settled down remarkably well. there were some large moments of ‘what the fuck’ (yeah, me too!), but we are a resilient bunch. we show up. we are learning to experience emotions in real time.

With all of the opportunities you have had to unsubscribe from sober support (who’s got time for self-care during a pandemic!, you might ask), you did NOT unsubscribe. you’re here.

it’s been so great to see the lovely and continued support for the sober art that i share in the daily emails. i haven’t talked much about how mr.belle has been dealing with the confinement as it’s not my story to tell. he’s a bit more nervous about health things than i am, and has really been missing his concerts and seeing his ‘concert friends’ (he’s usually out 4 nights a week). his motivation, to begin, wasn’t great. go to work every day, come home, go to bed.

and then the paintings started to sell again. we’ve been selling on average one painting per day. isn’t that amazing?

he paints and shows me what he’s done and i pick the ones i like. i photograph, upload, edit, and create the button to purchase. you open the emails, click the links, pick the paintings that want. then he varnishes them.

over time we run out of canvases, and then run out of frames. he’s out of white paint. then black. And then the complete tragedy of running out of cardboard for shipping because the fridge store is closed. We order more canvases, more frames, and we break down and BUY cardboard for shipping 🙂

and still the paintings are going out, one per day. we ran out of regular paintings, and so i posted other framed ones, like the lemon one, or the starbucks ones, and they sold. he produces a set of 10 journals with painted covers, and i’m in the process of posting those.

every day he makes a box, or paints something, and goes up and down the stairs to the studio. every day even weekends.

every day we talk about what to do first (this one has been waiting longer, so it should be varnished first, this one is in oil so will take 4 weeks to dry). i know that art doesn’t make up for missing concerts, but let me tell you, it’s close! it’s art at home 🙂

so when i show up every day, and you ask how i’m doing, and you’re worried about me, you have no idea how ‘good’ things are for me. for us. really. Paris is fully locked-down, more than most places. and we’re fine. i’m emailing and editing audios and making lime cheesecake (that was today’s project). today he made 4 boxes (at 45 minutes each), then i printed the courier labels, then he went to the post office and waited in line for an hour to hand them over (they were prepaid, that’s just how long the line takes to advance in the line). then he came home and went back upstairs to continue.

motivation is hard to find in a pandemic. sleep is erratic. concentration is fractured. our brains are busy processing even when our bodies are still. it’s tiring 🙂

and every single day you show up and support us. and i just want you to know that it doesn’t go unnoticed 😉

i’m happy to be here, doing this. supporting you. you supporting us. anyway, just wanted to say thanks and now i’ve written a book!

many many hugs from me (and him). the non-contagious kind. the best kind.
love, me

~

this is #614

if booze is an elevator that only goes down, then you want to exit; now would be a good time

Particulars: Acrylic & ink on paper. Dimensions: 30 x 42 cm (11.75″ x 16.75″) – this is standard sized A3 paper and will fit in an A3 frame from amazon.com

Shipping: Mailed flat with 3 sheets of stiff cardboard (carton) so that it doesn’t bend in the mail. Mailed direct to you from France.

Original or print? Original paintings, so there is only ONE available.

link to this painting > https://gumroad.com/l/exit-614

from me: You’re trying to contain something uncontainable

from me:

I’m going to say some things that you know are true, but that you have perhaps not thought about in this exact way.

The problem with the moderation thinking is: If we could do it, we’d already be doing it. We wouldn’t be here reading this.
I wouldn’t have quit drinking at all, frankly, if I’d have been able to drink only at Easter and Christmas and special occasions, or only on weekends, or whatever the rules.

You may not have called it moderation.

You might email me and say, “But Belle, I never tried moderation. Maybe I should go try that now, I’ll be right back …”

And I’ll say, “That’s what you’ve been trying. You just didn’t CALL it moderation.” If you are alternating drinks with water, trying to slow down — if you make rules with yourself (only on Thursdays, only on Fridays, only on special occasions) …

this means that you’re trying to contain it.

You’re trying to contain something uncontainable.

“Maybe if I only drink bad alcohol, then I won’t crave it as much. Maybe if I only buy expensive stuff.”

You’ve tried this.

I tried this.

I remember once I bought a case of wine, mistakingly thinking that if there was more around, then I wouldn’t obsess about it. I thought my obsession about ‘running out’ was about quantity. I didn’t realize that it had to do with wanting to drink in every available moment, from the second I was ‘allowed’ to drink (when was I allowed? well, at wine-o-clock, some days it was 6 pm, or 8 pm, or when on vacation or Christmas morning it could be 10 am) – I was waiting to drink. And I was always trying to make rules on how to navigate all that.

Exhausting.

 

[this is extracted from lesson 2 of the 5-part Exit → Exist audio series, you know: Exit the booze elevator so you can Exist.
all you have to do is sign up and you’ll get the first audio right away.
thanks to donations, three-quarters of the price has been covered for you, so this series of audios is $10 US. one payment. not recurring. nothing weird. just 5 audios for you.
yes, that’s my voice. you’ll hear me — talking directly to you.
Sign up here.]

~

One New Journal Each Day for 10 Days

Journal 6

​spiral journal, 100 pages/50 sheets
6″ x 8.5″ (14,8 x 21 cm)
​front cover hand-painted in acrylic
mailed in a padded envelope from France

​Available at auction > www.artsober.com

~

for you. because you like to write. you take notes. you keep a journal of your sober thoughts (ha!). or maybe you keep a gardening journal, and that’s how you know that this year the tulips are early.

every day for 10 days i’m going to post a new journal, each with a distinctly different cover, different colours, all hand-made, one of a kind.

each journal will start out with an opening bid of $5 and will be open for bidding for 2 days only. short bid. you have to watch what’s happening 🙂

like this one above

the journals are proudly being shown on Daily Paintworks (thanks to them for sponsoring this auction!).

opening bid is $5. you can go and have a look here > www.artsober.com

hugs from me & him

“I lower my expectations to match the amount of alcohol I drink”

from my inbox:

R: “Hi Belle, listening to the first audio lesson [in the Exit → Exist lessons] and I was just blown away. It was like you were speaking directly to me. You always say ‘you’re not alone’ but listening to this really made it sink in that I’m not the only one! There are other people out there sitting on the sidelines wishing they could do this sober thing too, watching, lurking, listening. I wish I could be happy sitting on the sidelines but I’m not happy there/here. Then in the second lesson, explaining how I lower my expectations to match the amount of alcohol and that I can’t count on myself and I’m always letting myself down — wow just wow. Thank you for this. I’m on day 6 today.”

C:
“Hi Belle — I just listened to this and was gobsmacked at how your drinking experience matches mine: needing more wine in the house, not making plans because it cuts into drinking time, expecting a ‘bottom’ that will be the thing to make me stop. It was like you’ve been living with me. I was relieved to hear that these patterns, expectations, etc. are common and that I’m not alone. I feel like I can approach getting sober with less self-blame, beating myself up, etc. This was all news to me so thank you, thank you, thank you!”

R2: “Read that is is a noreply email so I’m going to see if it doesn’t go through before I begin … OK then, well I must say I am impressed. I like very much what you say and how you say it. Your voice is soothing and confident as well. No bullshit, you get to the point, you are clearly well versed in what you speak about. Thank and well done my dear. Seriously. While I am far from new, I am new to this kind of internet support thing. I used to live in the US, ride my motorcycle up and down hills wearing Italian heels but now I’m older and overseas … I only mention me to indicate that I have been around a while and believe I know quality when I see or hear it. Thank you again I think you are doing a seriously important work, but then you already know that.”

~

from me:
i have a 5-part Exit → Exist audio series, you know: Exit the booze elevator so you can Exist. all you have to do is sign up and you’ll get the first audio right away.

thanks to donations, three-quarters of the price has been covered for you, so this series of audios is $10 US. one payment. not recurring. nothing weird. just 5 audios for you. yes, that’s my voice. you’ll hear me — talking directly to you.

Sign up here.

In these audios, I will talk about getting started, how to THINK about the idea of quitting drinking, advice on tools and supports, and we’ll talk about how to get ready to begin.

If booze is an elevator that only goes down, it’s time to find the exit.

Exit → Exist [audios for lurkers, sober-curious, not sure sobriety is for you] > Sign up here.

huglets from me.me

~

One New Journal Each Day for 10 Days

Journal 4

​spiral journal, 100 pages/50 sheets
6″ x 8.5″ (14,8 x 21 cm)
​front cover hand-painted in acrylic
mailed in a padded envelope from France

​Available at auction > www.artsober.com

~

for you. because you like to write. you take notes. you keep a journal of your sober thoughts (ha!). or maybe you keep a gardening journal, and that’s how you know that this year the tulips are early.

every day for 10 days i’m going to post a new journal, each with a distinctly different cover, different colours, all hand-made, one of a kind.

each journal will start out with an opening bid of $5 and will be open for bidding for 2 days only. short bid. you have to watch what’s happening 🙂

like this one, below.

the journals are proudly being shown on Daily Paintworks (thanks to them for sponsoring this auction!).

opening bid is $5. you can go and have a look here > www.artsober.com

hugs from me & him

do the things whether i want to or not …

from me: we got news of our confinement ‘easing’ beginning on May 11th. groups of 10 allowed, parks-reopened (!), can go up to 100km from home without paperwork, can run day and night. kids back to school in groups of 10. shops reopened with social distancing in place. no concerts, theatres, restaurants until june 2nd at the earliest (before they were saying mid-july). i can tell that already they’re not checking our paperwork anymore, and while the duck pond is ‘closed’ there’s no one enforcing it. i’ll be there on may 11th, that’s for sure. hope i didn’t miss all of the lilacs. i feel ok about the easing as of today. we’ve had lower ICU numbers every single day since our high of april 7 (22 days). by the time we reopen it’ll be 35+ days of downward numbers.

we also had our first shipment of art supplies come by mail, and mr.belle got 6 blank canvases (with plans for 4 ‘mountain’ paintings and & 2 ‘lake to sky’ paintings). the second mountain painting is at the bottom of this post.

and yesterday i made praline (nuts and caramel that you then pulverize into a chunky powder). the first time failed miserably, the sugar gathered in large crystallized clumps, all the good nuts straight into the garbage. the second batch was lovely, with dark brown runny caramel and bright green pistachios.

what changed?
i tried different …

   

 

~
from me: 
sometimes when someone is having a hard time getting going after a relapse, i’ll suggest an ‘intervention’ of sorts, with a couple of calls a week, and audios and homework, until they get rolling. I got this email from EMW a few days ago:
~

EMW (day 8): “Well I can’t believe it. I added tools and did them whether I wanted to or not, and here I am on day 8. I have a 1 pm AA phone mtg scheduled today, 5 podcasts to listen to, and I’ll email you 4 times. And I have Jason Vale’s book which I love to read for motivation as well. I will email you later and hope you have a great day!…”

me: well you know, I think we need to put this on a poster 🙂 I did the things, whether I wanted to or not, and now I’m on day 8 🙂 this is lovely! hoo-fucking-ray for YOU.

[and now she’s on day 11 today]

~
we received some blank canvases in a special delivery on Saturday. only a few though! so mr.belle went right back to work and made this one on monday and it was dry enough on tuesday to add the word when he came down for his lunch break (roast beef and salad from the take-out deli across the street, our first take-out meal in 7 weeks)…]

Here 10. mountain painting

Here 10.
canvas itself is 30 x 30 cm (12″ x 12″)
acrylic on wrapped canvas, varnished, edges of the canvas are painted black
Wood frame is African ayous (hardwood), pale straw colour.

Free shipping included.

Available with or without frame
link here > www.artsober.com

Shipping
This painting is dry and ready to ship. You’ll get an email when your painting is in the mail.

hugs from me & him

~

here’s how the original story unfolded:

me to him: “what are you doing upstairs in that studio?”
“just experimenting with things.”
“what sort of things?”
“mountains.”
“on paper?”
“on canvas.”

he shows me the painting below. “wowie,” i say. “this is something new. you travel over the mountains. there are more mountains coming, perhaps. you have stay here. stay in the now. do today. The way you get ‘there’ is to do here. The changes start from here. From today.”

he smiles, and says “ok, but what word do you want then?”
me: “here.”
“stay here?”
“no, just ‘here’ – and it should be in lowercase. and kind of pale, to blend in a little with the background.”

~

and so we have this new mountain painting with ‘here’ on it 🙂

it’s like one of those maps in the park?
You are HERE. 

and what you do from here forward changes everything. 

I Suggest That You Delete Every Second Message of Mine, Without Reading It …

from my inbox:

Lars (day 297): “Much like quitting drinking, I can’t look at the entire future [to do with changing jobs], I have to just do it one day at a time. Yes to external motivation! I tend to get lost with my own goals, but I am trying to be more organized in this sense. I like to think of it as if I’m creating a school for myself, and each day I need to spend x amount of time doing x,y,z. Of course there are off days, but getting into the habit of spending x amount of time each day learning, working, or being inspired seems paramount. My goal is to be out of job #1 within a year. There, external motivation! I’ve said this before, though, much like quitting drinking. 😉  I do think that goal of a year is possible, especially if I stick to my goal of doing shit 5 out of 7 days a week. I CAN DO THIS!!! And I get so excited thinking about all the doors that will open once I decide to take a chance on myself.”

me: yes, there is no future (!) 🙂 there is just today. stay here. there are just the actions we take today. if your goal is to be out in a year, then what 15 minute progress can you make towards that today? then you do it again tomorrow. not hours and hours a day, but bits. and sometimes you’ll feel inspired and do more, and if you just do 15 minutes that’s enough. keep incrementally advancing towards the thing.

Lars: “Thank you, Belle. I’m saving this. Going to scribble it down. Read it. Remember it. It’s lumped into the Shit Belle Says, and it’s so true and yet so easily forgotten.” [update: she’s on day 472 today]

~

J: “Hi! Love you and our story shares but I’d like to receive an email only about 1-2x per week and right now I’m receiving two per day or so I didn’t want to hit unsubscribe because that is entirely what I want. I was hoping when it said *email preferences* that it would give me the option to chose; hence I chose to write you instead. thank you again.”

me: hi there, the only thing I can suggest is that you just delete every second message. Without reading it. I have some subscribers who press refresh waiting for new messages. I generally limit to two emails a day, but in times when things are stressful like now, it could be more. If it’s not for you, I’d just delete some of the messages. Of course then you might miss a lovely bit of support 🙂 hugs from me


 

i like this one. i say that often, i know, but i really like this one 🙂

[update: we received some blank canvases in a special delivery on Saturday. only a few though! so mr.belle went right back to work and made this one yesterday and it was dry enough to add the word when he came down for his lunch break (roast beef and salad from the take-out deli across the street, our first take-out meal in 7 weeks)…]

Here 10. mountain painting

Here 10.
canvas itself is 30 x 30 cm (12″ x 12″)
acrylic on wrapped canvas, varnished, edges of the canvas are painted black
Wood frame is African ayous (hardwood), pale straw colour.

Free shipping included.

Available with or without frame
link here > www.artsober.com

Shipping
This painting is dry and ready to ship. You’ll get an email when your painting is in the mail.

hugs from me & him

~

here’s how the original story unfolded:

me to him: “what are you doing upstairs in that studio?”
“just experimenting with things.”
“what sort of things?”
“mountains.”
“on paper?”
“on canvas.”

he shows me the painting below. “wowie,” i say. “this is something new. you travel over the mountains. there are more mountains coming, perhaps. you have stay here. stay in the now. do today. The way you get ‘there’ is to do here. The changes start from here. From today.”

he smiles, and says “ok, but what word do you want then?”
me: “here.”
“stay here?”
“no, just ‘here’ – and it should be in lowercase. and kind of pale, to blend in a little with the background.”

~

and so we have this new mountain painting with ‘here’ on it 🙂

it’s like one of those maps in the park?
You are HERE. 

and what you do from here forward changes everything. 

for whom the belle tolls

subscriber ‘Thursdays Heather’ was one year sober on Tuesday, and she wrote this:

“We all have an inner-dialogue, whether we’re aware of it or not. This fact was amongst the many I took for granted as I began my quest to be alcohol free. I was on auto-pilot long enough that my sensible voice of reasoning was all but a tiny whisper. The war within my mind was growing ever increasingly louder; I needed living, real-life examples of how this newfound alcohol-free life worked. I needed to know if there was anyone else who felt, thought and behaved in the manner I did before toying with the notion that I was indeed certifiable (again) … I happened on a book, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober …” >> click here to read the full article <<

~

mags2020 suggested that I make a magnet with ‘xo’ on it, like how i sign my emails sometimes. so i go looking around this morning and the only blank magnets I could find are these special rectangular ones. I asked him to stop his breakfast (!) and put ‘hugs’ on it in lower case. then I wrote on the xo. This is an experiment …

special edition rectangular magnet
acrylic & ink on handcut card stock
approx. size is 5.5 x 7.5 cm (2.25″ x 3″)
magnet 401 > link

 

 

 

What is your old habit that weighs you down?

email from Runlily (day 17):

“This morning I picked up my handbag that I carry everyday. I pulled out a pair of gloves, thinking, I dont need these today. then I pulled out a small can of hair volumizer spray (that I have not used one time), a pair of socks, an ace bandage, 3 tubes of lipstick, a baggie of vitamins, perfume, a package of thank-you notes. I placed all these items on my table and thought, if i am not using these things, and they dont serve a purpose in my day, why the fuck am I toting them around with me?!?! seems ridiculous.

and I realized…

this is just like alcohol.

why carry an old habit when it weighs me down, worrying that if I don’t have it, I won’t be able to get through the day????

I’m free! I remember you saying that ditching the booze is like putting down a bag of rocks. I finally get it. I dont need those things from the bottom of my bag to make a day better, and I dont need booze to make me better.

how fortunate we are to have you describing this!! many hugs”

 

~

the problem with adopting magnets is that the ones with different or new words, well they often feel left out. There haven’t been many ‘s’élever’ magnets. you know what it’s like. you watch all the Exit and Stay magnets go by, and you wait. so today i want to share s’élever with you, this is magnet painting #386. In order to facilitate her adoption, i’ve taken two photos of her — one where she is standing strong in the bright light, and one where she is quietly working away at protecting your fridge …


you can find her on this page here > www.artsober.com

[ She will be on this page until she is adopted, and then once adopted, I will remove her from the page. so if you go check, and she’s not there, it’s too late 🙁 ]

s’élever = to rise up, to raise yourself up, like an elevator …

 

Go on vacation? (feedback) You may need to do a little less, not more…

from me:
Yesterday, I shared an email from Katie143 about her new day 1, and an upcoming vacation that she wasn’t sure she should take. I asked you to share ideas on what you thought I would reply to her …

First i’ll copy in a shortened version of K’s email, and then below i’ll start to share some of the MANY replies I’ve received.

What about you? Do you think K should attend a girls weekend on day 5 sober?


[shortened]
email from Katie143:

“… I am on day 1. I wanted to lie to you and say it was day 11 but it is not. I am starting over and what a bummer. I went to our family club last night and I indulged . Everyone was having drinks. No one pressured me or asked me. I was just having fun and made an impulsive decision … I planned a girls’ weekend with friends from school, only us ladies. No kids! I planned the trip and also planned a lot of activities so the entire trip would not just be sitting at the pool drinking. However, I am not sure if I should go. Yes, I can tell them I plan on not drinking. They would not care much. I am just not sure I would be able to control my impulsivity and not just say what the heck. Especially since I am starting over at day 1 today. I am supposed to leave this Friday. What do you think? Should I cancel? Any words of advise would be great.”


from me again, here are some of the emails i’ve received. how do you feel when you read these?

  • It’s early days. This is in the ‘too difficult’ box. If she wants to stay sober, she should not go. The price of the rest of her life vs a holiday, there will be others. Plan an extended sober treat instead.
  • Wow, Katie143 is in a tough place. She does not sound like she’s ready to stop drinking … I would definitely not go on a girls’ weekend trip in very early sobriety (less than 30 days).
  • I would recommend that you go on the vacation with her girlfriends as it is quite likely one of them is struggling with a similar addiction or hardship. Staying home and being a martyr does not work; it only makes it worse. We need our deep friends and connections from the past to remind us of who we are and why we chose them as friends in the first place.
  • I would say don’t go on the trip until you’re at least 30 days sober, especially because you just had a setback at a drinking type event. Stay home drink tea and get some momentum … and wrap yourself in bubblewrap for extra safety 🙂
  • Belle, I don’t know if this is the answer you want, but lots of people are cancelling travel plans now because of the fear of Corona virus, especially if they are older and/or have pre-existing conditions. Or she could have been advised by her ‘medical adviser’ not to drink at the moment.
  • Of course you should go! Tell wolfie to shut the f&£k up … why should he ruin your time away with your girlfriends!?! And without kids too! Total bliss 🙂 Your friends won’t give a shit you’re not drinking … Being the sober one is great! You see and feel everything. You remember everything and you feel bloody fantastic 🙂 Please don’t let wolfie rule your life anymore!
  • K, since you are asking, it might mean that you’re thinking it would be a good idea to skip this trip. Especially since you are on Day 1, your only goal right now should be to stay sober. You may need to do a little less, not more. There will be trips with friends in the future, but they don’t need to happen on Day 5. Day 5 is for lots of treats, going to bed early, and avoiding overwhelm.
  • I just had this experience in the fall. I was at 73 days and went away on a girls’ weekend with every intention of not drinking and then I did. It took me 6 weeks to restart after that, because I kept finding excuses not to restart once I let alcohol back into my life. I think it would be best if Belle strongly suggests that she does not go at this time. There will be other girls’ weekends further down the road when she has more sober momentum.

~

Magnet painting #387 needs to be adopted. In order to help him to find his forever home, I’ve taken two photos  of him — one where he poses in the good light, and one where he’s ‘in action’ on the fridge …

 

you can find him on this page here > www.artsober.com

[ well, he’ll be on this page until he’s adopted, and then once adopted, I will remove him from the page. so if you go check, and he’s not there, it’s too late 🙁 ]