Tag: original art

This message was sent to subscribers by email while i was travelling, september 5th.

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from me:

wednesday morning. cheerios and blueberries have been eaten (will totally miss both when back in france). it’s our wedding anniversary today. the activities and celebration, though, have been planned. we’re hoping to find a place to swim. and i expect this day will include a nap and a nice random dinner somewhere. I’m not fussy about how we celebrate. well, he’s not fussy and i’ve learned from him over 12 years (13 together). i didn’t get married until later, and i’m glad i waited. he’s a good guy. kind. very little boastful macho ego. happy with a tuna sandwich. can eat 8 cobs of corn in one sitting (though last night, we had the BEST corn of my life, and only had enough for 1.5 each, will be on the lookout for more today in connecticut). thank you for the continued support of the paintings. it really has changed things for us. we have a ‘project’ together, and while lots of couples can’t work together, we often do for my catering, but not always amicably! this project seems amicable thus far (clearly he likes to paint more than he likes to chop onions or do dishes). mostly i’m in love with all of the paintings, AND he’s happy to do them, so that’s a good combo and a relief… if the people we’re currently renting this house from could see how he moves the furniture, covers the surfaces with newspaper, strips down to his boxers (so he doesn’t get paint on his clothes) and goes to work – well, they’d never rent to us again… to have a husband who is self-motivated and happily puttering away on a sober project that helps me and helps you? it’s a special kind of gift. the holy-fuck kind of gift. the holy-fuck-i-hope-i-can-remember-this kind of gift.
with love from me, in vermont, soon to be in connecticut if today goes as planned, and if not, in Maine. and if not, then in vermont having a nap. with more corn.. .

my inbox:

ShelT: “Wow, are all the posts and emails continuing to get more profound? Really amazing. And as for Mr.B and his 7 years of challenge [with his career] and recent inspiration and your acknowledgment of how that impacts you both and the big reception to his art.. um, wow. Like huge wow. It’s freaking impossible to have any idea what doors will open. Quite phenomenal. So happy for you.”

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Cryssi (4 years): “I’m four years sober today. Thank you for being there when i was the most lost and helpless and terrified. How do you thank someone for helping you save your own life? Not drinking is such a non issue these days. I rarely think about it. When I was talking with my 9 year old and 21 year old today about being sober, my little guy was like ‘Did you used to get drunk?!’ (He can’t even imagine it — he doesn’t remember his mom drinking every night and all weekend.) My older son does, and he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ‘I’m really proud of you, Mom.’
Who can measure the impact you’ve had on my life and the impact on my kid’s lives because they do not have a mom whose life revolves around alcohol?! You work on the side of the angels. i love you and thank you so much. Thanks for helping me have a life worth living. XOXO Cryssi”

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Je: “… Nobody comments about the ‘shameless commercial links’ to sober jewellery. Why are the exit / sortie paintings any different? People are buying something that speaks to them, that they will enjoy looking at, and that will be another support on their sober adventure. I know nothing about art, but I enjoy looking at the picture of the day just to see how the colours make me feel. One the other day just reminded me of the beach and I felt relaxed just looking at it. The ones with a lot of red in are much more intense and dramatic. I quite like seeing what today’s colours are. No pressure to buy and the people who do are buying something very personal to them. Good on him for creating something that is appreciated and good on you for giving people the chance to buy another sober tool. You give us plenty of freebies. In my opinion what you offer on your site is like a sober support buffet. Pick what you like, leave behind what you don’t but no need to throw a drama if there’s something on the table you don’t like because chances are other people will want to pick that up.”

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Sh (day 426):  how is promoting your husband’s work any different than you promoting someone’s book, podcast or other tools that help stave off wolfie? i believe supporting someone’s creative work is good whether you are buying the piece or just looking, appreciating the colors and compositions. For me, the message and tension in the art captures the sober journey in a unique way.  Different than just words. Those that buy the art as a sober treat have something exclusively theirs. Your penpals and all of your followers suck up a lot of your time and energy.  I bet there are many occasions when you have needed to put your sober work temporarily ahead of your marriage.  If your husband wasn’t so understanding you would never be able to offer the level of support you do. I feel showcasing Mr. B’s art is a great way to honor him.”

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leener (day 374): “well, its about time someone complained about you showing Mr. B’s art. i had expected to see it sooner, and i was happy to be mistaken and that i wasn’t seeing it  and that people were accepting of it and encouraging it … i decided yesterday that i look forward to new art from Mr. B in the same way that i looked forward to a new [sober fiction] Rayna installment (though of course not AS MUCH =) !! ).”

original art – Exit the booze elevator – this is painting #174

(why yes, i am wearing my jammies, why do you ask?)

This message was sent to subscribers by email while i was travelling at the beginning of september.

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from me:

tuesday afternoon, 4:16 p.m. we’ve done some work, gone for lunch, listened to podcasts sitting facing the water. there will be corn on the cob in my future today. it’s not something I would cross town to get, and I don’t ever leave the house at 11 pm on a sunday to go find more (like i did with booze). but corn on the cob is a perfect lovely summer treat. that and blueberries from Nova Scotia. and cheerios. and nice cow-y vermont milk.

my inbox, tuesday part 2:

Andpops (day 43): “Yesterday was hard. But I didn’t drink. Friend and her baby are visiting. My BF was so cute with her baby and it made me sad because I know that he and I aren’t going to have kids together. Normally that emotion would have been my cue to bury my feelings in the bottle of wine. Instead I had to deal with it and eventually the feeling started to go away. At first I wanted to run away and go to bed. I read your emails while sitting on the toilet and it helped. I stopped being mad at myself and just tried to let the uncomfortable feelings move on … if I had been drinking, I know I would have gotten sad and been all sorry for myself for not having a kid even though, in reality, I’m in a really good place about all of that, and the occasional feeling of sadness comes and goes relatively quickly…”

me: it’s nice to see someone adorable with a baby, but also because it shows that they’re a lovely human. I’m good with babies 🙂 I’m a lovely human. I don’t have any babies in my life. I can still be lovely with babies 🙂 it sounds like you did the right things, including bathroom reading! 

andpops: “This was super helpful. I think because I’m always expecting to feel bad about the no baby thing, I end up feeling bad. I think that what I truly felt about seeing BFwith the baby was love — and you’re so right.”

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AF: “I don’t think the art demeans anything [from this morning’s post]. I love the paintings and feel they enhance your work — not detract!  Someone will buy that and it will remind them forever of how far they’ve come or remind them of where they want to be — either way, it’s helpful. Please encourage Mr. B  to keep them coming!”

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SmallTownMoon: “Hi Belle, I’m so ashamed and so mad at myself. I drank again last night. I just called a rehab center and am going to check in. I don’t know what else to do. I’m so so sick of this. So down and feel like I’ve hit my bottom. I know I’m better than this. I have so much potential and things to give to this world and my family but I can’t do it like this. I want better for myself and family. My boys ages 13 and 11 tell me I drink too much. That is so painful when I’m sober but when I’m drinking I don’t care. I blow them off. I hate myself for that. They have an alcoholic mother. I never thought I would be this. Life can be so much better. Thanks for always listening.”

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Unpuzzlingpatti (day 247): “Hi Belle! I don’t email very often – but I love and appreciate every single email you send. I have a huge amount of respect for your honesty and disclosure of different points of view. (I am referring to the email that does not approve of your promotion of Mr. B’s art.) I respect that person’s opinion and would like to share mine. What you do is PRICELESS!!!!! Mr. B is your husband, so he is PRICELESS by association! I hope and pray that you both are financially blessed beyond your wildest dreams. Also, I hope and pray that you never stop doing this wonderful work that you are doing!!!”

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Mindfulme (day 301): “If you’re taking a vote, I love seeing you husband’s art. It is another carrot to read your emails. What will the painting look like today? Do I like this one? I’m not feeling any pressure to buy.  It’s like a free art show. And like good art, each piece evokes something new. 💕”

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Hx: “Man I love your correspondents (and even when I thoroughly disagree with their point of view — like I do with J — I love that you make space for all views, there is no CultSpeak, or AllowedOpinionsOnly.”

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Goofie Roofie (day 124): “Love your email etracts — including praise and criticisms — you are amazing and I appreciate the fact that you include all types of comments.

original art – Exit the booze elevator – this is painting #165

This message was sent to subscribers by email while i was travelling at the beginning of september.

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from me:
tuesday morning, it’s 8:45 a.m. I’ve been up since 6, two cups of instant coffee consumed. we’ve relocated to a new temporary space (in vermont), which is a lovely 3-bedroom home with an upstairs and a front porch where we can sit and drink coffee and watch the world go by. it’s still very warm, and the kettle here whistles, too. but it’s a nice shift after our last place. it’s also nice for me to now be in an english-speaking city for a change. i feel so ‘normal’ and can understand the jokes…

my inbox, tuesday morning:

Road to Soberville (day 663): “… a conversation I had with my dad the other evening that made me realize how far I’ve come. he was bemoaning an upcoming dry wedding — really at a loss for how the heck he’ll get through it without booze. I was that person, 100%. I told my dad that while I know he wouldn’t believe me, alcohol actually detracts from the fun. This discovery still blows my mind! There I was, all of those years drinking to enhance the fun. Now I know I was only enhancing the rate at which I was fading into twilight. All I have to do now is see a friend on their third drink and observe how their spark dims–the twinkle in their eye evaporates. that was me, too. and now? now I sparkle at all times, unless I’m tired and cranky and then I go to bed early and try for a better day the next day 🙂 or I eat some cookies 🙂 but I never fade to twilight. I stay here.”

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Auntie Briggy: “Hi Belle – I didn’t make it through the weekend and have to leave for a week of drinking in beautiful [northeast united states]. I am spiritually trying to understand why I keep sabotaging what I want with [that man i’m not dating], and booze. I think I have a spiritual deficit. I’ll be back in touch when I can believe in a real day 1.”

me: it’s not a character flaw to be addicted to an addictive substance. there isn’t self-sabotage. there is addiction. it is helped with support external to you, medication, meetings, accountability. it’s not you doing this to you. this is booze doing this to you. I’m here. hugs

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Lottie (day 35): “I love that you have strong boundaries around your weekends, holidays and creative time, Belle (sincerely, not sarcasm in case that comes across wrong in writing). I love people with good boundaries because (a) I don’t have to dance around them trying to figure out if I am pissing them off or not because I know they will be honest about what they want/need, not expect me to guess. And (b) people who HAVE good boundaries tend also RESPECT other people’s boundaries. I never learned that I was allowed to have boundaries. My kids are definitely learning it. Addicts, I think, tend to be very bad at boundaries, [we] don’t have them and [we tend not to] respect them. Low self respect. Anyway just my thoughts going wild on a Sunday.”

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d: “I think part of the reason I feel connected to u is because when I signed up for your emails, you wrote back a personal ‘hello’, I just thought that was so special to do. No one does that, unless they think they have a chance to make money from you. You clearly did it because you care about people. Anyway I love Mr B’s art too. I am also an artist and I know how wonderful he must feel to be recognized and selling his ‘passions’. I wish you both love and peace and thanks for being the real deal. Hugs! Xo”

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J: “Hi Belle, I just wanted (with apologies if it seems churlish) to say that I have found your emails helpful and, often, inspiring. However, I am wholly unimpressed by the way in which you are now using your profile and audience to create a market for your husband. It demeans you and your work.”

original art – Exit the booze elevator – this is painting #160

This message was sent to subscribers by email while i was travelling at the end of august.

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from me:
friday morning, it’s 7:40 a.m.  the husband is up, behind me now in the kitchen boiling water in the kettle that-whistles, opening the fridge for cream against my right arm while i type (fridge/ table/ small space). so yes, dumpy rental apartment has a fridge! and a kettle! did i also mention it’s on the second floor above a sex cinema? i probably left that out before.

i’m going to share a sample of my inbox today. thank you for all the things – your updates, the probing questions, giving me shit, sending me virtual balloons. as we head into a long weekend (in north america), we will also stick just a bit closer to our sober supports. read what comes through. listen to audios. do the things. being sober is worth it.

my inbox, friday morning:

Fly over girl: “I’ve started listening to your lessons and podcasts on the way to work. Many times I go back and listen again because I get distracted by driving. This morning I was listening to the “best day” podcast, and it got me thinking about today. Today is the best day – I’m sober. Getting through a day like today while drinking would have been awful. I’d be hungover, wouldn’t have packed my lunch last night so would be scrambling for something this morning since there isn’t time to go get something. Instead I made my lunch, went to bed early, and got up with enough time to treat myself to an extra-large fancy coffee. Today may not be fun but it’s more fun than if I were drinking. Thanks for all the replies to my emails this morning – I’m reading and thinking. I have to say seeing emails from you is my favorite part of the morning. It reminds me that there is someone out there reading what I have to say, who’s been here before, and can help me keep my little car on the road…”

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S: “I usually like all of your emails and I find them a great source of comfort, but I think this one is harsh, and not really relevant. I see you as someone who treats people with and encourages them to treat themselves with compassion-  I don’t think if you drank last night that anyone would even say “that’s not a reason”. They would just do what any of us in any program would do, and encourage you to get back on with sobriety, and look at what may have happened to lead you up to this point. I’m hoping maybe you meant that there is nothing big or small that justifies drinking, but I’m not sure that’s even the point. Sometimes we fail. And we learn from that, so I don’t know why our reasons for it are under fire. Most of the reasons that we first give for our drinking are not the things that have made us drink anyway. When you say “that’s not a reason”, instead of “let’s look at this deeper”, it cuts people off in their personal insight into the behaviours that may have been red flags. Obviously this is just my opinion, and I’m trying to work out why this particular email has such a profound effect on me that I wanted to criticise it, but I don’t know, it didn’t make sense to me, it felt like it wasn’t within the ethos of what you do.”

me: I think I was trying to say that when we think we drink for the ‘weather’ that it’s not the real reason, and one way to test that would be to think of how you’d respond if I said that I drank because of the weather. it was a reframing exercise, an uncomfortable one that that, to see if the reasons we give ourselves have any weight if you imagine me saying them instead of your own wolfie trying to convince you that whatever’s happening is a good reason to drink.

S: “Yeah, after I sent that I realised that there isn’t a way in the world that you would have meant it the way I took it, and that I need to visit why that bothered me in my own self so much. Kind of like a “why am I reacting to this so strongly?” But it’s true. The weather isn’t a reason, and it does need closer inspection, just like my reaction! … Also, I just realised that reasoning that the weather or an external force drove you to drink takes away your sense of personal responsibility. This puts Wolfie squarely in charge because by making a statement like “the weather made me do it”, or “my kids were having a tantrum” means that you were powerless to stop it, and that no amount of preparation would have foreseen this event. Which of course we know isn’t true. I tend to drink when I stop meditating. It’s the cornerstone of my day. There are routines in place that we have that we break because we are human, but it’s our responsibility to pick them up and keep working with them, and not use external forces as a validation for our crappy decisions. Because they are decisions, in the end, aren’t they? We aren’t powerless against them, we make a choice. And though there are circumstances leading up to them that need to be navigated, we direct the sails. We have the power to say “no”. The weather, or traffic or our kids (our kids! Hah! As if our kids would ever actually want us to drink if they knew the personal hell and danger it caused us and them) does not have the power to say “yes”. That is a right reserved to us only.  I feel better about this now and I’m sorry for attacking you.”

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soberaggie: “Wolfie has been loud today. Well, maybe not loud but definitely more vocal. Drinking has sounded like a horrible idea up until about, oh, 2:28pm. I know the exact time because I was sitting in a dr office with my 12 year old when the dr ordered X-rays to be done RIGHT THEN. And I needed to get my 8 year old to the orthodontist 45 mins from that exact moment. So I scrambled texting my mother and neighbors to try to make it all work (had to get my ten year old from school too). At 2:28pm my perfectly planned schedule went to hell and I was overwhelmed. A glass (or 3) of cheap Chardonnay sounded like the answer. “You’re only 20 something days in- it’s not that big of a deal” actually went through my head. I continued just doing what I had to do and as I sat in the orthodontist office (at 3:05pm) I read your e-mail today about how we would not accept you saying you gave all this up because of the weather/traffic/job. So I didn’t. I can’t accept that from me either. But it bothers me he tried to get in my head. It bothers me that I could be that vulnerable. What do i do? I listen to you and Annie Grace (This Naked Mind) every day. I think I’m using sober supports. Maybe I just need to read your e-mail about relapsing every day. That and Liquid Poo and Be Proud audios. Dunno. Going to bed sober (10:09pm) Good night!”

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RRH: “Your husband’s art is awesome. Beautiful! The pink yellow brown one so perfect… Job was crazy today. They threw me up there with, in their own words “backwards training”. Circus. All too familiar where I expect unexpected, things people want that I just don’t have the answer to yet, how could I. It’s so hard. I’m so hard in myself and others. I laughed my ass off though. The best sober tool for me is humour. This penpal stuff has been wonderful. I’ve learned so much and appreciate your support. When does my year run up? How much to renew?  Hugs! RRH”

original art – Exit the booze elevator – this is painting #159

This message was sent to subscribers by email while i was still travelling.

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from me:
thursday morning, it’s 6:40 a.m. here in montreal. i’m awake before mr.B so that I can sit quietly at the table in this dumpy apartment, have a look at my inbox, and drink instant coffee. the only sound is the whistling kettle on the gas stove and the random seagull outside. this rental apartment is in a ‘great’ location, if by great you mean on the strip where Frosh week has been happening as 18 year old university students living in dorms find they can drink legally for the first time in their lives (quebec unfortunately boasts the lowest legal drinking age in north america). even on monday night, there were hundreds of students (literally) standing waiting to get into the next building for some kind of pub crawl. the noise. the noise. until 4 am on a monday … so yeah, at 6 am today? it’s peaceful. remind me not to live directly on St-Laurent again should i ask …

I’d also like to share a cross-section of my inbox this morning, the ups and the downs. the ongoing support for mr.B’s Exit art project has been really lovely. at dinner last night, we were talking about how best to organize getting the completed paintings into the mail once we’re home. He can often find large sheets of heavy-duty cardboard at the car repair shop. Did you know that when you order a new windshield, it comes in a big box? if you catch them at the right time, they’ll save the boxes and he can lug them home (10 feet long, 4 feet tall), across sidewalks, single-file on the sidewalk, up the winding stairs in our apartment building, and then he trims off the sides and ends, and then cuts them to size, stacking the tall remaining pieces neatly (not so much) behind our bedroom door.

Last night at dinner, we were brainstorming the other locations near our apartment in paris where he could get this kind of industrial cardboard, including the appliance store (especially the tall fridge boxes). walking with huge sheets of ‘carton’ is hard. he can’t take the metro. he can’t do it when it’s raining (or too windy). and while he could BUY cardboard, he’s trying to be scrappy about things like — cardboard. to mail 40 paintings. each painting needs 3 segments (one piece of cardboard on each side, and an extra for rigidity reinforcement).

ok, here’s some of my inbox. literally. today.

Tom: “Seems like a strange combination of words. However, I love the analogy of booze giving tunnel vision. Very true!  All you do is anticipate the next next time you can drink. BUT, it also encourages you to be creative to find the next time to drink. Oh boy, I’m on vacation; oh boy, there’s a bar in the airport; hot dog, a liquor store is only a two minute walk away! I wouldn’t ordinarily drink at the farmers market, but what the heck, there’s the booth and everyone else has a beer!  You can finally buy an ice cold craft beer at the state fair-it’s about time they changed that policy-awesome!!!! There’s NOTHING awesome about any of it. It’s nauseating. The booze corporations are intentionally trying to derail our sober momentum trains! Desperately trying to keep us addicted in the interest of profits. I don’t know how it is in other places around the world, but here in America the addiction counseling services commercials are as numerous as the booze commercials. That is insane!!! Does anyone else see the irony in that??? It’s crazy!!! But I digress, hope your having a great vacation Belle!!”

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Flora (day 20): “Have woken feeling down in the dumps. Had almost ten hours sleep, have a day off.. there is no reason for this. And Wolfie goes: ‘yeah life is meh now you don’t do drinking.’ I’m going to slam a black coffee and go for a run. Fill the fridge with nutritious food. Tidy some more, while listening to audios and stories. Move this shit along. My sober treat today? I think I’ll find myself some beautiful flowers. 🌷”

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J: “Pleased to say day 82 and birthday day for me – 54 today!! I have been sober with a few restarts for 13 months and your work has helped maintain the sober momentum! Your bracket and 100 day challenge has inspired me and I hope to never return to poo! I would like to reward myself at day 100 with one of mr B’s paintings – how do I order one they all seem sold – can I commission one!!? I like them all really and can wait  but I seem to be pipped at the post by others !! Love from york in the uk.”

me: hi you. happy sober birthday. what a gift that is! hooray for you 🙂 for the paintings, it’s probably best to be on the notification list to get an email each time a new one is posted (couple of times a day). it’s just a short one-line notification email. then you can go in and scoop up the one you want right after it’s posted. there are new ones coming every day. sometimes more than once a day, sometimes less. depends on the day. he’s not doing commissions at the moment, but if you give me a sense of the colours you’d like, I’ll request that they’re added to the line-up of ideas he’s working through! someone requested more blues/greens, for example, and so he’s doing some more of those … the Art Notification list is here > http://eepurl.com/dEPl2H … hugs from me

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Sobriety Unlocked: “Today was back to normal, in that the voice in my head was silent again. My kids, though? 🙂 one set a trap for “robbers” by lining up a row of thumbtacks on a stair. He “caught” another son. After hearing about the puncture wound, the doctor wanted to update the tetanus vaccination, so that was a fun addition to a crazy afternoon. But, then I took them to the reservoir to play with friends in the water and they managed to do all the prep work AND carry all their own stuff to the “beach.”  So exciting! And it made surviving the rather overwhelming dinnertime after. Now, they are all still awake (10:19 pm). I don’t know how they do it. I’m exhausted. Anyway, intense, but good day.”

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TJS (day 18): “I got damp eyes today while reading your thank you emails. I realized that it bothered me that i feel like it’s 2 years [of sobriety] gone. I can’t say anymore–i haven’t had a drink in 2 years. When you say “well I haven’t had a drink in 2 years, except for that time” it’s just not the same. I’m bummed about it. I put on my bracelet that I had made as a treat that has my initials on one side and the date of 8/15/16 on the inside and I felt it. The strength of “no”. And it occurred to me that perhaps when someone falters or try’s booze again just to see if they like it. That it’s hard to get back to saying “I don’t drink” because we said that. And we said it enough that people thought of not drinking as part of our identity…..then we did and now it feels inauthentic. And it’s hard to explain.”

me: and it’s hard to begin again. our brains are complicated places. the sober momentum thing is a real thing, not to be discounted. so you have 18 days now. that is also a thing. you’ve learned that wolfie will lie to you and tell you that one drink is fine… it isn’t. cuz it sucks. lesson learned. no more day 1s. onwards.

original art – Exit the booze elevator – this is painting #150

during the hurricane last week, I sent a series of small notes to subscribers – and some of these ideas, of course, apply to the world beyond the weather.

small notes about hurricanes and other things #7
(from my inbox)

CSM (in North Carolina, day 1024): “Sober & Today Would Be The Sort of Day I’d Drink. Thanks again for your ‘small notes’. Days like this (weather/cooped up inside) are certainly triggering. Luckily, I have a couple of things on my side: 1. Stores are closed, 2. I’ve grown a healthy fear of regret, 3. The knowledge that the weather/isolation will be over in 48 hours, but the disappointment of being back at Day 1 will last and last, 4. Based upon history, it will take me months if not years to get any sober momentum again.”

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KeysKathy (day 116): “Thank you for the hurricane posts. They are good reminders and are help calming my PTSD-like reminders of a year ago when Hurricane Irma, a category 4 storm dumped 5.5 feet of yucky water in my one story ground house. I wasn’t drinking during the whole packing up and evacuation but drank again on Sept 21 2017, upon reentry and seeing my house up close … It took me almost 8 months to the day to quit again. Drinking made everything harder and half the time it did not even taste good. It was just what I was programmed to do when dealing with REALLY BAD weather or any other unpleasantness…”

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C: “Yeah, I’ve got to start day one again. I love you are referring to hurricanes. It reminds me how I almost probably died during hurricane Harvey because I was drunk. After that experience, I swore I would never drink again, and I didn’t for a while. Now here I am again a year later drinking. I hate Wolfie, he’s going to kill me if I don’t stand up to him. I know I can do this. I have overcome so much, he’s a thorn in my side. I deserve so much better, I feel so much better. I will overcome this! Thank you for your wisdom. It really does help. I will start over on day one tomorrow, hopefully this time will be the last time.”

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K: “Belle – THANK YOU for all of your hurricane emails. I’m in Raleigh, NC on day 52 and STRUGGLING against this ridiculous want / need / craving. I view your emails that the universe/God/otherworld is trying to keep me on my path – by sending these reminders through you, my messenger. Thank you for being my messenger. (On a side note: I just woke from a nap and ate an orange, which has satisfied me. For now, at least.)”

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TJS (day 33): “So last night we had a cemetery service for the time between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. When you have the Jewish New Year and ask for a good year you also want to visit the dead and make sure they know you are remembering them. So we do a prayer at each grave. The Rabbi had a little talk for everyone at the first part of the service. I love his talks and his way of thinking. He talked about how this is our chance to look forward. To see the positive in every situation. To pick up a stone and instead of throw it at someone, take it and build a bridge. That the power of positive. I get that from you. I thought of you while he was speaking. To see the good in all folks to see the good in every situation. To find the power in the positive. Happy New Year to you and Mr. B! This new year on the Jewish calendar is 5779 it’s the beginning of the end of a decade. It’s a new beginning in so many ways! And this 5779 — the double 7’s are lucky as the new year always begins on the 7th sun. So 7’s! We believe you have a clean slate on the new year. A clean beginning with  G*d! L’shana Tova — may your name be inscribed in the book of life. 🙂 Hugs!”

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small notes about hurricanes and other things #8

when you’re dealing with big things (hurricanes, weddings, travelling, mothers-in-law), there’s a spike of adrenaline during. we often say we’re ‘good in a crisis’.
what an over-drinker needs to watch for is what happens afterwards. the decline of adrenaline can feel so weird, that we want to medicate it with alcohol.
wolfie uses these slack, unwinding times to say “well you did the hard thing — the hurricane, the wedding catering, the complete garden overhaul — now where’s your reward?”
and the reward is — yes, you do need one — the reward is important. it’s often in the AFTER time that people crash. so you get something today, even if it’s small, even if it’s a take-out sandwich or a cup of green tea with honey in a nice mug, and you say to yourself: “this is my treat for doing hard stuff. because i’m sober, and this shit is hard, and i rock.”

~

This is Exit painting #65.
Exit the booze elevator. Get off and stay off.

during the hurricane last week, I sent a series of small notes to subscribers – and some of these ideas, of course, apply to the world beyond the weather.

small notes about hurricanes and other things #5

there will come a time when more-tv-watching makes things worse. there’s a place of overwhelm, and you want to avoid it. you turn off the stimulus. you do something else. baths are good. sleep is also good. resting and chatting with people who get it are good. reading is good. organic gummy bears are apparently excellent. you don’t drink. to drink would be to add a level of complexity that you don’t need. you need ease. there is no ease in a drink. there is only starting again on day 1. you’ve done that before. this time you’re keeping going. sober. onwards. if there’s a way out, then you’ve found it and you’re staying out.

~

small notes about hurricanes and other things #6

now that the storm has come onto land, the video footage will be shocking. and you will feel compelled to watch (even me, on twitter). and then after 15 minutes I have to look away. not because i don’t care. but because me watching and fretting doesn’t change the event. i want to be informed (and text will do that), but video is windy-uppy. so this can just be a gentle, general warning: turn away from things that wind you up. wolfie wants you to be agitated so that drinking will seem like a good idea. it isn’t. solitaire is a good idea. listening to an audio is a good idea. dancing in the kitchen is good. staying inside if the storm (of whatever sort) is near you. protecting you is always a good idea. no matter if your storm is literal or mother-in-law-ical.

~

This is Exit painting #132. Exit in German.
Exit the booze elevator. Get off and stay off.

during the hurricane last week, I sent a series of small notes to subscribers – and some of these ideas, of course, apply to the world beyond the weather.

small notes about hurricanes and other things #3

anxiety about things that might happen but haven’t happened yet is ‘anticipatory’ anxiety. we think we won’t be able to deal with whatever it is. we’re convinced that if we pre-think it all through, in advance, that that’ll help us. we believe that to worry in advance is insurance. doesn’t work that way. worrying in advance makes you sick, tired, spinny, and less able to cope. you can do what’s here, now, right this minute. The only time you can impact what you do is in the now. To be sober, you’re not drinking now. to plan for a hurricane, you’re standing in line to buy plywood now. That’s what you’re doing now. Then you do the next thing. And remember to ask for help. There is a lots around you, for all the things. The person with water will share. Maybe not beforehand, while they’re panicked about later. But when it’s later, and you need water, they’ll share. The person with 6 years sober will share. Keep reaching out.

~

small notes about hurricanes and other things #4

the thing is, you’ve tried drinking. it doesn’t suit you. you’ve tried finding answers in a bottle. they aren’t there. you’ve tried drinking all day during a snowstorm, a hurricane, a sunny day. you feel like death when you do that. what you maybe haven’t tried is the experiment of doing this life thing – sober. all sober. be aware and awake and present for whatever it is. hear the thing leaking, instead of sleeping through it. hear the child calling. hear the dog whining. hear your partner making coffee in the other room. hear the wind and the rushing sounds. be present for it all. you’ve tried drinking. it doesn’t actually work. if it worked i wouldn’t be here. i’d be off drinking somewhere. but the fact is booze took me to a place, and i don’t want to go back there. i’d rather be here and sober. whatever here means. whatever ‘storm’ is coming. whatever sunshine on the other side.

~

This is Exit painting #114.
Exit the booze elevator. Get off and stay off.