funny. re-reading notes from january made while reading a self-help book. i made a list of personal development goals:
- Thin and lean, strong, bathing suit body
- Long hair, well groomed, nails, eyebrows
- Ridiculously well read, 52+ books/year
- Alcohol free (to 95%),with toasts and treats but no regular consumption
- Even mood, good sleep
- Clean, tidy, organized, prepared in advance
- Run more consistently
- Be more patient, willing to go slowly and do the work as well as dream outrageously
I’m always fascinated when i reread my journals. What strikes me about this list is that now that we’re nearing the last 3 months of the year, i can say that other than reading a ton, i do have the rest of it pretty much under control. Oh, well i don’t have #1. But goal #4 is better than 95%. Goal 6 is happening. Number 7 is true. and number 8 is definitely improved.
What i didn’t realize in writing this list back in january, was that the keystone habit that i needed to incorporate — the one thing that i could change that would make everything else easier — was being 100% sober. Had no idea how much easier it would be to achieve everything else i wanted in my life. Also had no idea quite how hard it is would be to quit. Could never, ever have done it alone. Blogging and this community is what made it possible for me.
While I do still toy with the idea of 95% sobriety, with treats and toasts, for the most part i’m too freaked out to lose the other things i’ve gained, and so for now, since i have something that’s working, i don’t want to fuck with it.
It’d be like if you gave up wheat and refined sugar (my next goal?), and you lost 20 pounds (is that me?), and then someone says “don’t you miss cake?” and you say “sure i miss cake, but i like this better.” I feel that way about wine now. maybe i’ll feel like that about cake some day. maybe after 30 days of anything that is life-improving, you’re more likely to say “i like this much better than that old thing.”
The hard part is starting and getting some momentum in your little car.
and now that i’m nearly at 90 days, i’m certainly not the slightest bit interested in starting to count days again from day #1. and fuck yeah, sure, i’d love some wine. and yes, I’d like a glass of champagne now and then. But for now, i am continuing to decide that the other gains i have are worth it. Much more worth it than a glass of wine.