happy canada day soberversary

I’m a girl you would have voted least likely to be sober.

If you had met me before, you would have thought i was entertaining, if a bit loud. You might have observed that I always had a glass going (one in the kitchen, one in the living room), but that i was funny … even if i did tell a joke that was a tiny bit beyond appropriate.

I know this to be true: I used to grate on a lot of people. I was always ‘loud’. I always had ‘a mouth on me’. There was a fair amount of ‘look at me’ behaviour. If your story was good, then mine was funnier. Even if i had to exaggerate a detail or two – that’s story telling, right?

I was like an imported black olive with a pit = you either loved me or you hated me. [ps. i think olives are poisonous]

Even as a sober girl, I’m still a work in progress. I’m quieter, listen better. have stopped exaggerating stories. I’m mush less likely to gloat (at least out loud). I still procrastinate on filing my taxes. I am prone to staying up too late. I collect tiny gift money and then don’t spend it often enough. I really am not a shopper. I used to be better at buying stuff.

But today, to celebrate my 2-year sober-versary, I’m doing a few things differently. I went shopping yesterday (in advance? me?) to get my big kick-ass ring treat. I picked out this ring a full 18 months ago, thinking i’d celebrate 6 months sober with this ring. then when I got to 6 months I figured I’d wait till 9 months… and on it goes.  Well, yesterday i bought it! and thanks to you, it is funded entirely with super generous donations to the tiny gift fund.

treat-ring

Today is a holiday. It’s Canada Day. It’s moving day (we moved to europe 5 years ago today). It’s my company’s year end. It’s my sober-versary. It’s been a significant date for me for a long time.

Two years ago i started Dry July, knew without a doubt that i was going to suck at it (and fail), and then i got some support from sober bloggers. and here we are today. I’m still getting support from penpals and bloggers. I’m still late on filing my taxes. and i’m just slothful enough that i may have take-out for lunch AND dinner.

and that’s alright with me.

 

Every day forward

2_card_front

link

Every day forward
is one day further away from
‘that time back there’
and one day closer to
‘the new you over here’

~ shit belle says

~

Happy Day 50 to Hal!

Happy Day 50 to Ms. Coxy Loxy!

Happy Day 50 to JayJay!

Happy Day 50 to Cricket!

Happy Day 100 to LaLaLa!

Happy Day 100 to Joyful!

Happy Day 100 to Nikki!

Happy Day 180 to TJ!

Happy Day 180 to Nutmeg!

Happy Day 180 to Lawyer Wall!

Happy Day 180 to Lurking with Intent!

Happy Day 180 to Layla!

Happy Day 180 to Libby!

Happy Day 180 to ChoutyFruity!

Happy Day 200 to Margy!

Happy Day 200 to Mindy!

 

I’m sure you don’t know this, but you’re an idiot

from Mia:

Thank you for helping me sort out my shit. I know, that could go in a card. Ha. You should do that for your store… Cards that we want to send but hallmark doesn’t make. 🙂  Seriously though…thank you.”

So this got me thinking, what other cards should Hallmark make that would help us explain what’s going on with sobriety, recovery, our hopefulness, our ideas on what the future brings.

I’d sometimes like a card that says: “I’m sure you don’t know this, but you’re an idiot, and someone has to tell you.”

But I could also have one that says: “Thanks for being my sober penpal. You’re part of why I’m sober today. Your crappy day 1 reminds me that I never want ‘one’ drink (I want a bottle). So thanks for that.”

OK, now it’s your turn. “I’d like a card that says …”

… not even if I’m invited to dinner by George Clooney

From me:

As I come up to my 2 year sober-versary, I can’t quite process the number of days. 700+ days? Who does that? Surely not me.

And yet, here I am. I did not intend to be here. I thought I’d “try” to quit for 30 days for Dry July and then it turned out to be harder than I thought it would be (warning). Then as I neared the end of my 30 days, I was having swirling thoughts of how I might moderate afterwards (warning). I decided to extend my sobriety just a little bit to see if the good parts kept getting better. And then here we are. That’s really it. Right around month 8.5 I thought the entire universe sucked ass, then i suddenly could see one year coming up and then I was fine.

Since my one year soberversary, I don’t think I’ve had to explain “why” I’m not drinking to anyone. Mostly everyone knows. Or to new people I meet, I just say “I don’t drink anymore” and no one asks why. I continue to minimize my contact with people who make me feel crazy, although that too has changed – my tolerance for crazy is much better. I can see the irritating client as lonely. I can see my husband’s unexpected anger as disappointment. I can read on FB about some silly boozy friends and now I can see their wolfie very clearly even if they can’t (or won’t, or don’t want to). some people i just unfriend. Others, I’m sort of watching for them to be like Tim Ferriss, and say “I did a 30 day alcohol fast, and now i’ve decided to give it up entirely, my life is just not improved by booze.” (you know tim, the 4-hour work week guy, he used to record a lot of his interviews with a glass of wine in hand … you could see his wolfie a mile away… and now he’s sober, too. Go, Tim, go. D’ya need a sober penpal?)

I feel like I’m doing a retrospective of my 2 years sober a bit in advance, it’s a holiday long weekend so i’m anticipating some serious slacking off coming up!

Some cool bits in my inbox today:

SCBKN: “The recording from our phone call was helpful. There was something about hearing my voice talk about being sober that was powerful.”

MarEll: “I don’t understand how the thought of drinking just doesn’t cross my mind like it use to.  It’s almost as if I just needed someone else that understood where I was with this. So much of society just seems to want to kick you to the curb if you have an alcohol issue. Like you are some kind of creepy person. I feel really hopeful, something I haven’t felt in a very long time, like 10 years.”

Heike: “I will not drink for 180 days … in particular not when all my friends drink and start laughing and I feel left out and uptight and goody-goody and my former best friend treats me like a religious fundamentalist, not if my mum urges me to just have THAT little glass of wine with my dad because when I drink with him in the kitchen it’s wonderful because it reminds her of her childhood, not if I’ll be made homeless or lose all my money, not if it turns out I have cancer, a brain tumor or only 4 weeks left to live, not if I need surgery, nor if there is a zombie apocalypse, not if I’m invited to dinner by George Clooney and he tells me unequivocally that I’d be perfect for him if only I drank half a glass of wine now and then, and in particular not even when my Christian friends keep mentioning that Jesus was a wine drinker. No matter what, I will not drink. Because I want to see what happens next.”

~

Happy Day 50 to SueW!

Happy Day 50 to Janice!

Happy Day 50 to J13!

Happy Day 50 to KMS!

Happy Day 100 to MommaB!

Happy Day 100 to Travelang!

Happy Day 180 to LG!

Happy Day 180 to Traci!

Happy Day 180 to TS!

Happy Day 180 to Challenges!

Happy Day 200 to Jeannine!

Happy Day 200 to Steph!

Happy Day 200 to Joyce!

Happy Day 200 to Tammie!

Happy Day 400 to KristinRecovering!

 

I left the room that wasn’t mine

from me:

I had a drinking dream last night. I had arrived at an outdoor restaurant in some place i was travelling to, and i was alone and feeling a bit out of place. The bar was backed up with people standing around with drinks. The waiter passed by with a tray and I took a bottle of beer. I drank from the bottle (something you would not do in Europe, so i must have been in North America – well, yes, they were speaking English, so i was ‘home’ somewhere).

The waiter said “you can sit at that table for two over there,” and the table was in a hotel room. The door was closed and i knew he couldn’t see me, so i was going to wait a long time for food!. I was alone, hidden, with a beer.

Then i realized two things.

First, I discovered that i’d unknowingly consumed 2/3 of the bottle of beer (and i knew that i didn’t drink anymore, so i was kind of panicked).

Second, the hotel room was part of a suite, and it wasn’t my room, there were other people there. It wasn’t the right place for me. It wasn’t mine.

And then, in the dream I realized that I was dreaming and that I hadn’t actually broken my sobriety in real life. And then, in the dream, I had the wolfie thought process: “well fuck it, I’ve already had 2/3 of the beer, and since this is a dream and it doesn’t count, I might as well finish this beer and get a bottle of wine.”

And in the dream, I left the rest of the beer unfinished. And I left the room that wasn’t mine. And I quit drinking (again).  Cuz apparently that’s who i am now … I’m a girl who doesn’t drink. even when asleep.

I know it seems kind of radical

From my inbox:

Balancebeam: “Yes, I have to reset my date yet again. I am not sure this abstinence / all-or-nothing thing is going to work for me, but it’s still my goal.”

me: That all or nothing thinking (i can’t do this, it’s too hard) is really wolfie in disguise. Your response can be “I know it seems kind of radical, but I’m quitting for 100 days to see if I like being sober. Question me again about all or nothing in 100 days, wolfie.”

Balancebeam: “I’m hearing your voice in these words you wrote, and you are speaking to me with such an incredible sense of peace and calm and simplicity about this “thing” that I’ve made complicated, tortuous and convoluted. Thank you, thank you, for resetting my days, Day 5 now!  And I’m going to copy this magical phrase, post it everywhere, commit it to memory and make it my mantra for the next 100 days! … I hope you know you were put on this Earth to do something special and you are doing it in a BIG way, every day!  I know you have MANY talents and gifts, but cheering all us struggling souls out here is making such a significant difference in our lives! You are helping us to change our lives, how incredibly awesome!  I know “we are rescuing us,” but having you with us along the way is making all the difference.  And I hope, in whatever way,  we are helping you to stay sober too.”

me: you are so lovely, thanks for this 🙂 I’m not sure why I’m on the planet… sometimes I think it’s to do my feeding of people and then I think it might be the sober stuff.  So for now, i’m doing both and it’s working out pretty well 🙂

Balancebeam: “I think you’re “feeding” people with both things.”

[and here’s the note she wrote to put up on the wall]

radical.wolfie

~

Happy Day 50 to Gindy!

Happy Day 50 to Renae!

Happy Day 50 to Amya69!

Happy Day 50 to MJM!

Happy Day 50 to AliceLookingSober!

Happy Day 50 to TeriC!

Happy Day 50 to Lidobeach89!

Happy Day 50 to PP!

Happy Day 50 to Mich!

Happy Day 50 to Girl on the Learn!

Happy Day 50 to Ruby!

Happy Day 100 to MCD!

Happy Day 100 to Pave the Whales!

Happy Day 100 to Sapphire!

Happy Day 100 to Tlecompte!

Happy Day 180 to Maureen!

Happy Day 180 to Rabbit!

Happy Day 200 to Tammy!

Happy Day 200 to Jz!

Happy Day 200 to Theface!

Happy Day 200 to Wantingtobeasobermom!

Happy Day 200 to Gail!

Happy Day 300 to Nic!

Happy Day 300 to Jules!

Happy Day 300 to DianeLouise!

Happy Day 365 to KC!

Happy Day 365 to CHow!

Happy Day 400 to Sara!

Photos: Weather

Assignment #16: Weather (here are the photos!)

The project this time was to take a picture (or create some art) of something that could be called ‘weather’.

Thanks to everyone who sent in pictures, this post is now closed to new submissions.

If you want to join in for the next assignment, stay tuned.

 

This post is now closed to new submissions.

every day and twice on sundays

from me:

You’re still drinking. You’re not sure if you want to stop (yet).

Be advised. There is a bottom. You don’t need to go there. In fact, you can stop right here. The booze elevator only goes down. You can step off right now, here, at this floor. No matter what sober is like, no matter how hard it is (or isn’t), booze is worse. All the time. Every day. And twice on Sundays.

~ Shit Belle says that’s too long to go on the poster-generator-thingy.