the truth is
i've been feeling off all week. this thing with anthony bourdain has occupied my thoughts quite a bit. what a fucking tragedy this is.
and i've been waiting, as i often do, to know what i think before i speak.
i know this.
we have a head that lies to us and feeds us misinformation.
we often aren't aware of that, and think that the voice is 'true' or 'real'.
we add alcohol to that and then voice is very loud, dark and insistent.
His gilfriend's friend, Rose McGowan, wrote:
Bourdain reached out for help before his death, “yet he did not take the doctor’s advice.”
this is the part that flattened me, i think.
that for whatever reason, he couldn't hear the thing:
you have a voice in your head that lies to you. it tells you to drink. it tells you it won't get better.
you could remove the alcohol and see what happens to that voice.
and if you can't remove the alcohol easily, or on your own (i couldn't) then reach out for help and open the top of your head and let the advice in, even when it sounds ridiculous to your wolfie voice.
remember that your wolfie voice is lying to you.
any voice you hear that ISN'T saying "take good care of you" is wolfie.
i feel like i could say this every day, forever, and it wouldn't be enough. and it'll be just the right thing at the right time for someone else.
It'll be both. not enough.
this is for you.