find one person you can tell

this is the end of my three days in a hotel, working on completing the first draft of the sober book. I’ve been bored, tired, irritated, asleep, running, and writing. I’m ready to go home now.

the book is together in one document, in order, and is about the right length after chopping out 62 pages and moving them to a separate file, which can later be used for podcasts!

I’ve hired an in-between editor to review for big things before i send it to the book editor in the UK. The in-between editor has the first chunk as of this morning.

i had to check out of my room at noon, so for the last 5 hrs i’ve been down here in the breakfast nook, typing and typing.

desk trouville FullSizeRender

~

Extract from the list of 60 possible sober tools, though there are more, here’s #51.

#51. Find ONE person that you can be 100% honest with about your drinking, about your thinking, your worries, your struggles, your excitement, and your joy. That might be a counsellor, sober mentor, a coach, sponsor, or a sober friend. You should have at least ONE person who truly gets what it’s like to be you.

 

 

 

Solstice to Solstice

From Sober in Richmond: “I started my 100 Day challenge on Winter Solstice 21 Dec … It’s getting so easy to not drink – I’m just used to it. And the days are flying by. My point? If there is anyone out there who needs some motivation to start – perhaps they can do the Solstice to Solstice. It really helped me to have the power of the whole darn earth behind me rather than a day or date on a calendar.”

Imagine it’s the shortest day of the year (today, in the northern hemisphere). Imagine you’re sober today. This can be your Day 1 or maybe it’s your Day 50. Or 400. Doesn’t matter. Can you see yourself sober on June 21st? Summer Solstice. Stand here. Look ahead 180 days. Because if you think the view from day 100 is great, wait until you see 180 days.

  • If you’d like to be sober from Solstice to Solstice, you can put a comment below.
  • To have 100 audios to listen to, you can get them here. These are archived podcasts episodes #1-#100.

I like the idea of having the ‘whole darn earth behind me’ – how about you?

that won’t work for me

from me:

We’re prickly, you and I. We’re a difficult bunch. We make up our minds – I do – without enough information. We stick to decisions long past the time when they’re useful. We over-invest in anus colleagues. We bristle at playing the ‘reindeer’ games at the office but then resent when we’re not included in said games.

We’re prickly, you and me. If you offer to help me but you don’t ask me the ‘right’ way, I’ll say no. Automatically. I’ll prance around saying look at me, right up until you do look, and then I’ll retreat. Prickly. If I smell that you don’t need me as much as I need you, I’ll sulk.

It’s hard to be prickly and also want to be sober, because our natural gut-instinct, first-response, default answer is “that won’t work for me.” No matter what’s being presented. We didn’t think of it ourselves, therefore it won’t work.

I’ll do it my way, we say. I say.

We try to be sober our way. It doesn’t really work. And since we’re invested in reading about sobriety, then our drinking isn’t a problem (says wolfie). Because ‘real’ problem drinkers probably aren’t even aware of it.

And we are. So we’re better. Than ‘them’.

We lurk on sober blogs (read without engaging; follow without investing; consume without paying) because – if you’re like me – you’re not sure you want to really invest. Yourself, your energy, your time, your money. Wolfie insists that you read with only one eye, that you keep one foot in the “maybe I’ll drink later” camp.

You think I can’t see you there, and I can. Lurking. You don’t think about carrots. You don’t over-carrotize. You’re here because you do think about drinking. You do over-drink.

Time to step up.

 [originally sent as a micro-email november 5, 2015]

Tuesday Celebration Roundup

Happy Day 50 to Heidistar!

Happy Day 50 to Smokey!

Happy Day 50 to Grace514!

Happy Day 50 to vstuart!

Happy Day 50 to ofgrace!

Happy Day 50 to Frozen Feet!

Happy Day 50 to Bunnie!

Happy Day 50 to Nic!

Happy Day 50 to omyeahyoga!

Happy Day 50 to Thirsty Iris!

Happy Day 50 to Katiebelle!

Happy Day 50 to Jewels!

Happy Day 50 to Lavender!

Happy Day 50 to Lilith!

Happy Day 50 to Leftcoastgirl!

Happy Day 50 to KathrynClare!

Happy Day 50 to Kara!

Happy Day 50 to gypsygirl!

Happy Day 50 to Takara!

Happy Day 50 to Eily!

Happy Day 50 to SunshineDaydream!

Happy Day 100 to Sooz!

Happy Day 100 to E-Z!

Happy Day 1oo to Yoga for Sobriety!

Happy Day 100 to Sanna!

Happy Day 100 to Faster!

Happy Day 100 to EMJ001!

Happy Day 100 to Lavenderzone!

Happy Day 100 to TickleMeShelmo!

Happy Day 100 to Sacha!

Happy Day 100 to Lookingup!

Happy Day 100 to Jessica!

Happy Day 100 to Suzan!

Happy Day 100 to Stillbridge!

Happy Day 100 to EllaBee!

Happy Day 100 to Glenna!

Happy Day 100 to Lois!

Happy Day 100 to Juliemary!

Happy Day 180 to Heya Monster!

Happy Day 180 to Greenbean!

Happy Day 180 to AnnaD!

Happy Day 180 to Blondie!

Happy Day 180 to Shorttermnoterm!

Happy Day 180 to Liberte!

Happy Day 180 to AnnieB!

Happy Day 180 to Ri!

Happy Day 180 to Youngernow!

Happy Day 180 to Aubrey!

Happy Day 180 to Whitbell25!

Happy Day 180 to Tierrazul!

Happy Day 180 to Nell!

Happy Day 180 to Beck!

Happy Day 180 to Mayhem!

Happy Day 180 to JP!

Happy Day 180 to Ginette!

Happy Day 180 to Lyra!

Happy Day 200 to Lady!

Happy Day 200 to ElizabethDC!

‘Happy Day 200 to Silver Birch!

Happy Day 200 to Mil!

Happy Day 200 to seekingpeace!

Happy Day 200 to Yoda!

Happy Day 200 to VTgirl!

Happy Day 200 to MJP!

Happy Day 200 to Jobo!

Happy Day 200 to mytimetoshine!

Happy Day 200 to Brid!

Happy Day 200 to Inky!

Happy Day 200 to M-lobster!

Happy Day 200 to Pippi!

Happy Day 200 to Liquidtracy!

Happy Day 200 to Runnergirl!

Happy Day 300 to RacheB!

Happy Day 300 to Yogayamagirl!

Happy Day 300 to Jock!

Happy Day 300 to Sea Turtle!

Happy Day 300 to Ina!

Happy Day 300 to Miss M!

Happy Day 300 to KRD!

Happy Day 300 to Trixie!

Happy Day 300 to Auds!

Happy Day 300 to Sweet-Tea!

Happy Day 300 to Coffeecuphead!

Happy Day 300 to Kitkatpaddywack!

Happy Day 300 to 1035!

Happy Day 300 to Jayda!

Happy Day 300 to Goose!

Happy Day 300 to Frankie!

Happy Day 300 to Dubby!

Happy Day 365 to Ariel Rose!

Happy Day 365 to Powerful!

Happy Day 365 to JessMarie!

Happy Day 365 to Jennetic!

Happy Day 365 to Debs!

Happy Day 365 to Southern Magnolia1013!

Happy Day 365 to Rock2015!

Happy Day 365 to Liza!

Happy Day 365 to Lime Tree!

Happy Day 365 to Minnieme!

Happy Day 365 to Library Girl!

Happy Day 365 to Joannie!

Happy Day 365 to Chace!

Happy Day 400 to Marbear!

Happy Day 400 to Junebug!

Happy Day 400 to Old_dude29!

Happy Day 400 to Frenchie!

Happy Day 400 to Gabbygirl37!

Happy Day 400 to TheMaddnessStopsNow!

Happy Day 400 to Elly!

Happy Day 400 to 19 Cathleen!

Happy Day 400 to Rexytime!

Happy Day 500 to Fleur!

Happy Day 500 to Chatsworth!

Happy Day 500 to Cricket!

Happy Day 500 to Shar!

Happy Day 500 to Kenney!

Happy Day 500 to Paulita!

Happy Day 500 to Artsmommy!

Happy Day 500 to Missmeliss!

Happy Day 500 to Ish!

Happy Day 600 to GW!

Happy Day 600 to Claire-Anne!

Happy Day 600 to JustHadToHaveIt!

Happy Day 600 to AM!

Happy Day 600 to Darla!

Happy Day 600 to ParisienneKnitter!

Happy Day 600 to IrishGirl!

Happy Day 600 to New Me!

Happy Day 600 to Nancysoberheart!

Happy Day 600 to Janett!

Happy Day 600 to Momma B!

Happy Day 600 to MayaRose!

Happy Day 600 to hcasstevens!

Happy Day 700 to Kimf!

Happy Day 700 to Jacques!

Happy Day 700 to Laurie Lynn!

Happy Day 700 to Rose!

Happy Day 700 to Santa Cruz!

Happy Day 700 to Phoebe!

Happy Day 700 to Doll Face!

Happy Day 700 to Lifeasirockit!

Happy Day 700 to Telling The Words!

Happy Day 700 to Sherri!

Happy Day 700 to Lurking With Intent!

Happy Day 700 to Carole!

Happy Day 700 to Layla!

Happy Day 700 to Libby!

Happy Day 700 to Traci!

Happy Day 700 to Challenges!

Happy Day 700 to Rabbit!

Happy Day 700 to SJP!

Happy Day 700 to OneDayAtATime!

Happy Day 700 to JG!

Happy Day 700 to KateF!

Happy Day 700 to Margy!

Happy Day 700 to Kellyfamilymama!

Happy Day 700 to Jeannine!

Happy Day 800 to Jeroen!

Happy Day 800 to Quinn!

Happy Day 800 to Lucy!

Happy Day 800 to TipTree!

Happy Day 800 to CatGirl!

Happy Day 800 to Martha C. !

Happy Day 900 to C How!

Happy Day 900 to Ingrid!

Happy Day 900 to Sarita!

Happy Day 900 to Trish!

Happy Day 900 to KristinRecovering!

Happy Day 1000 to Carrie!

Happy Day 1200 to Katherine!

Happy Day 1256 to me!

 

i’m actually excited

from my inbox:

cricket (day 6):

I just want to thank you for starting this blog and being so candid and honest with your trials, tribulations, thoughts and feelings.  This is the first time getting sober hasn’t felt like “work”.  Reading your blog helps me SO MUCH!  The thoughts you have (wolfie) are what I struggled with before and I’m sure I still will occasionally. But this is the first time I’m actually excited about going on this journey of sobriety and it’s all because of you and your blog.  I can’t thank you enough.  I’m smiling again!!!!  THANK YOU!!!!

I hope HUGE BLESSINGS just chase you down and overtake you!  😀

Day 6 of sobriety.  🙂  Thanks to your help.

Love, Cricket”

[update, she’s on day 505 today]

==

shameless commercial link. it’s my birthday today. don’t forget. i am a human who likes a big-deal-birthday but also I know that i have to make that happen for myself 🙂 you could buy me a present. in the absence of chocolate, then you doing the jumpstart class would be a good present. ha. you doing the jumpstart class, being sober, and us sharing chocolate? that would be the best.

prickly

We’re prickly, you and I. We’re a difficult bunch. We make up our minds – I do – without enough information. We stick to decisions long past the time when they’re useful. We over-invest in anus colleagues. We bristle at playing the ‘reindeer’ games at the office but then resent when we’re not included in said games.
We’re prickly, you and me. If you offer to help me but you don’t ask me the ‘right’ way, I’ll say no. Automatically. I’ll prance around saying look at me, right up until you do look, and then I’ll retreat. Prickly. If I smell that you don’t need me as much as I need you, I’ll sulk.

It’s hard to be prickly and also want to be sober, because our natural gut-instinct, first-response, default answer is “that won’t work for me.” No matter what’s being presented. We didn’t think of it ourselves, therefore it won’t work.

I’ll do it my way, we say. I say.

We try to be sober our way. It doesn’t really work. And since we’re invested in reading about sobriety, then our drinking isn’t a problem (says wolfie). Because ‘real’ problem drinkers probably aren’t even aware of it.

And we are. So we’re better. Than ‘them’.

We lurk on sober blogs (read without engaging; follow without investing; consume without paying) because – if you’re like me – you’re not sure you want to really invest. Yourself, your energy, your time, your money. Wolfie insists that you read with only one eye, that you keep one foot in the “maybe I’ll drink later” camp.

You think I can’t see you there, and I can. Lurking. You don’t think about carrots. You don’t over-carrotize. You’re here because you do think about drinking. You do over-drink.

Time to step up.

you tell who you want, when you want, what you want

from my inbox:

Potato Girl (day 158):

HI Belle, I have a question that I have gotten advice from out-patient recovery support groups, and my therapist, yet I a still struggling with. I am having a hard time telling friends that I have quit drinking … over the last 2 years I progressively isolated myself because of drinking. I told myself friendships change because of marriage, kids, jobs etc which is true but ultimately I know I have hurt friendships and I am scared to talk about it. I realize I am still feeling a lot of guilt and shame and to be very honest it scares me to think of never having another drink with these friends. One of my friends that I have been texting with wants me to visit next summer … she texted “we can drink A LOT of wine! I need a break!”  I know she will be supportive of me but I am really avoiding telling her. After discussing this in group therapy I learned that I have way more anxiety about this than others in the group … I feel like my recovery is going really well in most other areas, but this honesty with friends is really holding me back. Have you come across this issue with others in the challenges? Thanks for listening as always. I know I have said it before but I truly wouldn’t be over 5 months without you, your blog, emails and podcasts. THANK YOU!”

me:  I’m not a therapist or a counsellor. i’m not your sponsor, and I don’t know you IRL 🙂 but here’s what I’d say: you tell whoever you want, what you want, when you want to.  you tell any version of the story that suits you. I have long-time boozing friends that I haven’t seen since I’ve been sober.  One friend in particular that’s just like your friend saying “we’ll drink a lot!” … I haven’t told her anything yet. I’m not in her daily life and I’m not visiting tomorrow. If I was visiting tomorrow, I’d say beforehand, by email or text, “can’t wait to see you tomorrow, I can stop and pick up some some wine for you – I’m not drinking these days so I’ll bring tonic for me.” and then when I arrive, she’d ask and maybe be mock-disappointed. and I think I’ll say something like “I’m doing a 100 day leave of absence from alcohol to see how my life is different.” … And then, only if she asked how far into the 100 days I was, only then would I say “I’m on day 600 … turns out I like being sober more than I thought I would.”

that’s it. I, personally, don’t feel that telling anyone that I had a ‘problem’ is useful. instead I say things like “I found that when I drank, I slept badly. and once I quit drinking I slept through the night. my doctor had even put me on hormones to try to fix the sleep. So with all the catering I do, it just doesn’t work out even having a bit of wine.” and most people leave it at that. really.

I talk about this more in my jumpstart class (it’s audio #3) and i’ve written about having a “yeast infection” on the blog. hope that’s helpful 🙂 hugs from me

Potato Girl: “You really have helped me to realize I have the power and control to tell who I want, when I want and how I want. I was feeling a lot of anxiety and pressure from group discussions telling me differently. Telling me that I wasn’t being completely honest if I didn’t share this info, or that I was hiding it so I could drink with these people someday. Well, I know that neither of these things are true. I talked with my therapist more about it and between what she said and what you have written and your blog posts I feel much better about this. I don’t need to broadcast how many times I was hospitalized for alcohol withdrawal, or how I would take shots of vodka at 7 am, etc etc. I have different relationships with each friend and a couple close friends I can share a little more because I am closer, and I want to make some amends for my absence over the last year and a half and hopefully work towards a stronger friendship. For new and casual acquaintances I don’t want to share that I had a ‘problem’. Thank you for pointing that out and helping me see that I can trust myself and my instincts with this.”

~

update she’s on day 742 today. and i’m on day 1202 🙂

~

 

sobriety as an experiment

from my inbox:

The Face: “I’m still just treating sobriety as an experiment. When I think about it like, ‘I’m just gathering data about when it feels like not to drink’ versus ‘I AM QUITTING FOREVER’. It’s actually kind of fun. I’m still very much in the closet to pretty much everyone about it, but it’s been nice to know that no one even notices when you don’t drink, so there’s not been much need to talk about it. I luckily have a friend who recently got pregnant and have been hanging out with her a lot and we’ve been brainstorming fun things to do that don’t involve drinking.”

discount audio – today

I did an experiment with anonymous donations. And here’s what happened:

Most weekends, I have a sober support audio available and some copies are online for 10 cents each.

A couple of weeks ago, I put up two links for the weekend download (which was the fabulous audio about how early sobriety is like a little chick, and your job is to keep it from getting squished). Anyway, i put up two links – one for 10 cents for the Little Chick audio. And one link where you could purchase the Little Chick audio at a higher price and sponsor other people to have the lower cost ones.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. I mean, who experiments with optional pricing?

~

Here’s what happened:

3 people purchased the discount audio for 10 cents (the usual price for a discount weekend audio)

14 people offered somewhere between 10 cents and $3 (with $3 being the usual price for this audio without the discount)

9 people donated more than $3 (in some cases, a lot more)

~

The end result? I have enough donations leftover that I can happily offer [link removed] copies of the Little Chick audio for 10 cents.

Instructions:

  1. click here to order the discounted Little Chick audio for 10 cents [link removed]

  2. leave a comment below to say ‘thanks’ to the donors. just a few sentences is fine. If you’re shy about leaving comments, then send me an email instead.

  3. listen to the audio and follow the steps! no more chick-squishing. protect your sober chick.

~

 

 

 

 

Let there be cake.

i am well.  the 2-day irritation has passed.  seems to all be about sleep for me (no shit!).  i had a crappy night’s sleep Monday night (worrying about a big meeting on Tuesday), and then the lack of sleep snowballed as the week went on (thankfully a short week so only felt truly terrible on Wed and Thurs).  Now it’s a 4-day holiday weekend (at least for those of us following very queen-like schedules! all the colonies anyway…). I have been able to maintain running 5 days a week, even went for a run last night at 7:30 pm which, as i said to Anne, is a new thing for me… “now I do laundry after dinner!  now I sometimes work!  last night I went for a run … completely unheard of … sober girls = we get shit done :)”

and yes, it’s only early in the morning, but I’ve been waiting to say happy day 60 to Jenni, Day 19 to MysteryGirl, and Day 10 to KMCC.

There are now 20 of us on Team 100, that’s pretty wild! Welcome to newest joiner, Jen (Mommy’s Journey).

And only 2 people have emailed to ask that their counter begin again at 1.  One person, after she slipped, said she wasn’t going to count days and that she needed a little bit of time… I told her i wasn’t deleting her name from the list … and less than a week later she emailed back to say she’d been sober since the last email… so she’s on the chart again and is on day 5.

OK, so this isn’t a statistical thing, of course, but 20 out of 20 of us are sober. Two people slipped and got right back at it …

And me? I get to read the best emails every single morning.

  • “Sober.”
  • “Sober.”
  • “Sober and happy about it.”
  • “I have a cold and i’m going to bed sober.”
  • “I’m cleaning up vomit thank god i’m sober.”
  • “My crazy family makes me crazy, I will remain sober.”
  • “Your red velvet chocolate cake is nearly as good as the cheesecake.”

OK, that last one is from a catering client.  If she only knew what the rest of my inbox looked like!

CAKE 🙂  let there be cake.  Sober girls need cake. Leave it to me to devolve to cake in each and every post …