i was in a hotel room, hanging out, reading about writing fiction, and in the book there was this question about what is your WHY.
now, generally i hate these questions.
but i started thinking about it in terms of 'why do i do this sober work' ... or more specifically, why have i been doing this sober stuff for 10 years (soberversary coming in 19 days!).
and WOW does this audio get deep!
the why.
the REAL why.
And in this audio I tell you the story of the 12-year-old.
[ link removed ]
Sober Podcast 482. Saving the 12-year-old
To download the entire audio, you can use the link below.
Hi there, happy valentine’s day. this seems like a good day to have a look back on where we’ve been, to see if it’s leading to where we want to go. Like, can you ‘get what you want’ by doing what you’ve been doing?
The goal for the #100DaySoberChallenge is continuousdays sober. in the comments below, you can say what is the longest stretch of continuous days you’ve had so far IN FEBRUARY. Maybe your longest sober stretch is 7 days continuously, or you’re on day 14 today for February …
In order to create a safe space here, i’ll make some general recommendations that you can think about before you post:
Enter your continuous days sober for February 2020 (not your total days if you’ve been sober longer). this helps to create a more inclusive environment when we have a smaller focus on just january for now.
Start a new comment and talk about YOU, rather than commenting on other person’s share. When we read about other people we feel less alone; it helps more than “you got this” from a stranger. and often when we comment on each other’s posts, someone is left out, some comments get more likes, etc.
Make an effort to use positive (or neutral) language. You can say “I’ve had 6 continuous days in February” versus “I’m on day 5 again.” I’ll edit out the word ‘again’ if you post that (!)
Leave out mentions of specific kinds of alcohol, types, brands, and colours. if you mention that you miss booze, that’s fine. if you say ‘i miss a clear glass of blah blah’ i’ll very kindly remove the entire comment.
Put in a screen name when it asks for your ‘name’ and just a reminder that email addresses are NOT displayed (EVER). i also approve every comment before it is posted 🙂
Hi there, so it’s end of January. Seems like a good day to have a look back on where we’ve been, to see if it’s leading to where we want to go (how’s that for a confusing sentence!).
The goal for the #100DaySoberChallenge is continuousdays sober. in the comments, you can say what is the longest stretch of continuous days you’ve had in January. Maybe your longest sober stretch was 7 days continuously, or 18, or you’re working on today as the 31st continuous day.
In order to create a safe space here, i’ll make some general recommendations that you can think about before you post:
Enter your continuous days sober for January 2020 (not your total days if you’ve been sober longer). this helps to create a more inclusive environment when we have a smaller focus on just january for now.
Make an effort to use positive (or neutral) language. You can say “I’ve had 6 continuous days in January” versus “I’m on day 5 again.” I’ll edit out the word ‘again’ if you post that (!)
Leave out mentions of specific kinds of alcohol, types, brands, and colours. if you mention that you miss booze, that’s fine. if you say ‘i miss a clear glass of blah blah’ i’ll very kindly remove the entire comment.
Start a new comment and talk about YOU, rather than commenting on other person’s share. When we read about other people we feel less alone; it helps more than “you got this” from a stranger. and often when we comment on each other’s posts, someone is left out, some comments get more likes, etc.
Put in a screen name when it asks for your ‘name’ and just a reminder that email addresses are NOT displayed (EVER). i also approve every comment before it is posted 🙂
i wanted to create this check-in space for today. the goal for the #100DaySoberChallenge is continuousdays sober. in the comments, you can say how many continuous days you’ve had so far since January 1st. Maybe you’ve had 3 days continuously sober, or 8, or you’re working on today as the 12th continuous day?
In order to create a safe space here, i’ll make some general recommendations that you can think about before you post:
Enter your continuous days sober since january 1st (not your total days if you’ve been sober longer). this helps to create a more inclusive environment when we have a smaller focus on just january up to now.
Make an effort to use positive (or neutral) language. You can say “I’ve had 6 continuous days in January” versus “I’m on day 5 again.” I’ll edit out the word ‘again’ if you post that (!)
Leave out mentions of specific kinds of alcohol, types, brands, and colours. if you mention that you miss booze, that’s fine. if you say ‘i miss a clear glass of blah blah’ i’ll very kindly remove the entire comment.
Start a new comment and talk about YOU, rather than commenting on other person’s share. When we read about other people we feel less alone; it helps more than “you got this” from a stranger. and often when we comment on each other’s posts, someone is left out, some comments get more likes, etc.
Put in a screen name when it asks for your ‘name’ and just a reminder that email addresses are NOT displayed (EVER). i also approve every comment before it is posted 🙂
just thought i’d open up this space where we can introduce ourselves. the goal for the #100DaySoberChallenge is continuous days sober. you can say what day you’re on today, and later i’ll do another post and you can report in your continuous days so far.
you can put in a screen name when it asks for your ‘name’.
and email addresses are NOT displayed (EVER). i also approve every comment before it is posted 🙂
you can say who you are, what day you’re on, and WHY you’re doing the #100DaySoberChallenge
email from minttea (day 111): “I still definitely sometimes push too hard and then crash — but I’m a little more conscious of that pattern now than I used to be, so I try to be more mindful of how things will affect my energy level and overwhelm level when I’m scheduling things out. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, but there’s a lot that I CAN control when I’m paying attention. Aside from accountability and your general delightfulness, I think that the biggest lesson/gift I’ve gotten from you is that taking time to rest/relax/take care of myself isn’t just something I can give myself “permission” for or “allow” in my life, but something that I should actively pursue. There’s a lot of language about self-care type stuff that still has some veiled judgement to it. If I have to give myself “permission” to rest or relax, that still carries with it a hint of negative connotation. Like, why do I need permission for it? It’s actually something I should seek out. It’s something that should be a given in my life that I fiercely protect. No one ever says we should give ourselves permission to do chores, or go to work, or pay our bills. And yet we need permission to get enough sleep, take time to do things that make us happy, enrich ourselves with travel and new experiences, or give ourselves treats for being awesome and sober? Nope, no permission needed =)”
[update: she’s on day 138 today]
[and i used Minttea’s email (sort of) as the basis of a facebook live video here]
now this one has an interesting story. last summer, when i first started to post the paintings on the site (august 2018), mr.belle had painted a few extras so that we’d have some to put up while travelling to canada. but once we got to montreal (and then vermont, and then RI and CT), it became very clear that we wouldn’t have enough. i mean, one day in particular, every painting i posted sold within minutes to a total of SEVEN in one day! so in the dumpy rental apartment in montreal, above the sex shop, mr.belle pulled back the carpet, spread out newspaper, and got to work. This painting below is, I think, the very last Montreal painting. So it was created in Montreal, came back to Paris, travelled to Tennessee in May for the art show, back to Paris, and I just photographed it 11 minutes ago on the balcony while it’s still cool outside.
and now it’s ready for you.
(p.s., on the back it says MTL in addition to the signature and the painting number)
so you will decline some of the invitations to some of the summer events. people want to go for a hike, that’s fine. They want you to sit around in their yard and watch them get hammered? not so much. You can attend every second event. You can arrive late and leave early. You can (for sure) go in your own car so that you can leave when you’re ready. You can take a replacement drink with you to avoid the tepid tap water on offer. You can show up with some fuck-you wolfie lemonade and then see how many people want to try it because it looks so good.
~
this painting is available at auction. HIGH BID is $5!!
when you drift from your sober supports, the voice in your head gets louder. It’s like an early warning system. you hear the wolfie voice, you go back to your sober stuff. listen to an audio, read a post. when you drift, the alarm will start to ring. make sure you listen to it. and don’t let wolfie tell you you’re too busy to be ‘sober’ today. not true. you being sober is how you have your best possible day today.
small notes about summer #5
small sober treats, something every two days, and you frame it like this: this is my treat for being sober, because this shit is hard and i rock.
examples: bubble bath nice pens smoked salmon pickled onions raspberries flowers magazine kindle book nail polish new wrench screwdriver with changeable ends (they have a fancier name than this; we called mine “the intensely useful item”) posh makeup shitty cheap makeup calendar getting a photo printed on real photo paper new socks replacing your towels, are you kidding, do you think i can’t see them from here? cake cake corn on the cob cake
alcohol is not required. not for summer. not for winter. not for fridays. not for sunday afternoons. that you have a brain that thinks that drinking is a good idea, is wolfie. and you know what? wolfie will MAKE UP reasons, to make drinking seem like a good idea, including the weather. oh look it’s snowing? drink. oh look it’s summer? drink. all untrue. drinking is not required for any event. for any weather. for any day. when you hear from wolfie, you can remind him that he’s a bastard anus. tell him i said so. tell him i said that it gets easier as you go along, too. tell him that.
~
this painting is available at auction. opening bid $5. three days to bid. short auction 🙂
small notes about summer #2
that voice in your head (wolfie) is an equal-opportunity offender. he has the ability to take any nice situation (beach, pool, bbq) and suggest it would be NICER if you poured alcohol on your head. As if adding an anaesthetic, mis-remembering the evening, tripping, bruising, crappy sleeping, and a hangover is any part of fun. You know what makes a pool, bbq, beach nicer? Being able to remember it. Waking up in the morning and feeling proud of yourself. That.
~
so for this painting, i figured i could write a secret message and then cover it up with paint … you’ll know there’s an extra, private, meaning under there. just for you.
NOTE: The word ‘HOPE’ will be added to this painting tomorrow, after it is dry.
link > hope 19 size is 10″ x 10″ (25 cm x 25 cm) acrylic on hand-cut 3 mm card belle. selling hope since 2012
