Day 50 … thank you very much. Long run Sunday, and on the run I realized something yucky and profound. when i first met my husband, i’d only ever dated guys who didn’t (really) want long-term relationships. I’d had 3 boyfriends over 20 years, including two long periods of being single. First, Mr. Laywer, met […]
i don’t usually post twice in one day. but i’ve been thinking about drinking just about the whole day. it’s like my toddler-brain is having a temper tantrum. and it sounds like this: “why can’t i ‘take a few days off’ and then restart. other people have done it. relapse is normal. i think i’ll […]
i’m enjoying rereading my journal from 2004, it’s quite entertaining, especially my thoughts pre-husband, when i was single for such a long time. In February 2004, I was doing a week without TV and without reading, and here’s a bit of my thought process, seems to fit today: “It’s a transition, so some parts are […]
I was writing about the ideas of early sobriety (when we are less than 15 days sober) on someone’s blog, but want to elaborate here … Right when you first quit, there are lot of questions, a lot of unknowns. part of why we ALL struggle in the first days is because it’s all so […]
was just reading this lovely newly sober post, and I wrote a comment and I wanted to share part of it here. i know that empty ‘hole’ feeling you keep trying to pour stuff into. except most people can’t articulate it as well as you have. I am particularly struck by your comment of gulping […]
day 45. all is well. i haven’t had any of the “holy shit i had a drink” dreams. Instead i dreamt that i was handed a glass, and had a sip of wine and then spit it out, shouting to the hostess who served it to me: “I don’t drink!” not only is “all well” […]
Day 44. I am well, i having nothing new to report. I’m not having cravings. I learned nothing yesterday. Well, that’s not strictly true. I think i learned these things, but i knew them before, but yesterday i learned them again. I feel better on days when i run (i’m running 5 out of 7 […]
i am committed to posting something every day for the first 60 (or perhaps 90) days, and i do not want to devolve to just recounting my day and telling you “what i did yesterday” or “what i plan to do today”. I’m challenging myself instead to record insights, struggles, things i’ve realized, things i’ve […]
i do not drink even when a lovely guest is coming for dinner tonight, and there’ll just be the three of us, and he’s bringing wine to ‘share’ i do not drink not even to be social, not even to say ‘thanks for bringing wine’ (i asked him to bring tonic water, too) i do […]
this vacation thing, it’s kind of boring. I’m on vacation for a month but my husband is still working; we’re not going away anywhere exciting until Labor Day weekend (first weekend in September). most days i try to putter, relax, read, sit in the sun, go out somewhere, run, make dinner, and vegetate. yesterday afternoon, […]