cement and jello

i recorded a podcast this morning (using a new recording device so hopefully the audio quality keeps improving).

i know that i’ve written lots before about how everything is like everything, but oh-my-baby-cheeses i can really see it today, so i wanted to post a little extract from today’s new subscriber podcast.

This audio is about cemented ideas in our head. And jello. It started with yesterday’s conversation about art wolfie. And it morphed into my (old) fear of flying. The full audio for the podcast is about 14 minutes long.  Here’s a 2.5 minute extract.

The clip begins when I’m describing what happened after i visited a psychologist for the very first time, to talk about my fear of flying.

listen-here

click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

Audio: Dehydrate the Wolf

i have an audio podcast subscription thingy, and this is podcast #10.

In podcast, I initially planned to read an archived blog post but (as usual) I end up telling stories instead.

I talk about the wolf (as in fuck you wolfie), where he came from, hibernation, and pillows.

Post a comment below after you’ve listened 🙂

[link removed]

click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

Audio: Little Chick in the Grass

{NOTE: I’ll leave this link up for 48 hrs; once you listen, you can post a comment below to say “i listened” … or you can say more of course!}

i have an audio podcast subscription thingy, and this is podcast #19.

Remember the little tiny baby chick? She’s back, but in this audio she’s lost in the grass. This audio is about not getting squished in traffic.

[link removed]

click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

Audio: Chicken Little

i have an audio podcast subscription thingy, and this is podcast #18.

This is about self-soothing, and being a 9 year old. It’s about clean sheets, and holding a little tiny baby chicken in your hands. Basic ideas on self care, and how to do it without booze. Cuz booze is a hammer. It’s a way of slamming your hand in a car door.

[link has been removed]

click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

practise accepting help

Some pretty amazing stuff happened in yesterday’s open call. one of the parts that i keep thinking about is when we practised feeling better. If you listen to the audio, this part starts approximately 24 minutes into the call. Here’s an extract from the transcript:

We’re going to practise it now. We’re going to practise accepting help. Here’s how it goes.

Everybody’s going to sit. Relax your shoulders. And have a couple of big sighs.

It’s hard to accept that help is possible. It’s hard to accept that your life can and will be different if you are sober for a longer period of time.

If you are 180 days sober, it’s hard to imagine you’ll ever get to one year.  You don’t even know why you’re bothering. If you’re on day 7, you think this whole thing is rotten and you don’t know what the point is. I guess what I’m saying is that you can have a rotten moment no matter where you are in the process.

So let’s practise feeling better, shall we? It goes like this:

For about the next 25 seconds you are going to pretend that you’re happy. And that you’re sober. And that there’s help for you.

If this is an uncomfortable feeling, I’m going to tell you that you don’t have to do it for very long, just for about 25 seconds.  All of the anxiety that you have that you’re broken and that it can’t be fixed, you’re just going to set that down – just for 25 seconds.

I know that it’s impossible to give up being anxious forever just because somebody asks you to. I’m just asking you to practise it now.

We’re going to let go of the anxiety that we cannot be fixed.

We’re going to let go of the fear that there isn’t anybody to help.

We’re going to accept the fact that we are in charge of our own lives and how happy we are, and that that’s a good thing. Because the world is full of lots of opportunities and things – and I don’t want the same things in my life that you want in your life, so it’s good that you’re in charge of you, because you get to pick and add the things to your life that you like.

So we’re going to practise it. Are you ready? Crying is fine. Crying is actually good sign.

[Crying is a great sign. It means you’re listening. It means you’re actually getting it. Because you know what? There’s a lot of defensiveness – “this is bullshit, and this doesn’t work for me”– and honestly I think that if there’s crying that means that it’s actually going in.  Maybe you don’t like it and it feels uncomfortable. I understand that.]

OK, here we go. Twenty-five seconds. Now just listen to me and pretend that what I’m saying is true, OK?

I am a happy sober person. I’m not broken. Once I stopped drinking I realized that my life got dramatically better. And all those ideas of moderation – whether they are true or not – I don’t need to consider them because what I have right now is actually great. Sobriety is actually great. Even if I could drink again, I wouldn’t.

There’s lots of support for me. There’s lots of help for me. I raise my hand, there’s help there right away.

I’m taking good care of me and other people are taking care of me, too, and that’s OK.

I’m going to put down that backpack of rocks that I’ve been carrying around with me for fucking 25 years … 20 years … 15 years … 40 years … set it down.

‘Oh but Belle, it’s my family, I can’t set down my whole family backpack of rocks in one go’ … I know you can’t. Just set it down for about 25 seconds.

[pause]

That’s it. You can relisten to that clip of audio. You can accept help when it’s there. And you can practise the feeling that it’s going to be OK.  Because I know that it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be OK all the time. I know that. It doesn’t.

You can practise feeling better for short periods of time until it becomes more true for you, until it feels more real.

“Belle, what if you forget what happy feels like?”

>> more here

Open Call: New Year’s Day

i had an an open call on American Thanksgiving and one for Christmas … and i’m thinking it might be lovely to get together again and do an Open Call for New Year’s Day. Topic? I’m open to suggestions (email me questions/ideas) but it might be fun to brainstorm further the idea of New Year / New You …

(I will shift the times for open calls each time i have one, so that different time zones are favoured, sorry in advance if this one doesn’t work for you.)

listen-herelinks mentioned in this audio:

Christmas Open Call

i had an an open call on American Thanksgiving and i wanted to do one again for Christmas … but i’m going to be on vacation (let there be unicorns), and i’ll be hiding in a town filled with christmas lights (and snow), spending christmas day in a hotel (no cooking!).

So instead of having a live call on christmas day, i thought i’d record an open call NOW and then post it on the site on christmas eve. (Slackers of the world unite!)

(I will shift the times for open calls every time i hold one, so that different time zones are favoured, sorry in advance if this one doesn’t work for you.)

[call has already been recorded]

Audio: Accepting Help

i have an audio podcast subscription thingy, and this is one of the audios.

This audio is all about accepting help.

And i mention milkshakes, dry cleaning, mac and cheese AND fish in small tinfoil packages. Really.

[link removed]

click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, you can cancel whenever you want

To download just this single audio, “SP001 – Accepting Help” you can find it on the podcast archives page here.

PS/ I found the quote: “Accept what people offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love.” ~ Wally Lamb