anonymous forgiveness

Belle accountability, anonymous confession booth, the good sober life, thinking

This is an Anonymous Forgiveness space.

It is now closed to new comments. But please scroll through the posts that have been shared.

 

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I forgive you for losing yourself and your purpose. For caring more for drinking than enjoying the beautiful life you have. For every family gathering that you cannot remember when everyone left or if you did anything wrong. And for not loving yourself enough to say enough. Now it’s time to forgive yourself and enjoy every moment and start to rebuild yourself to what you once were <3

    • This reminds me of a song called Gloria by The Lumineers. It says “Gloria
      I smell it on your breath
      Gloria
      The booze and peppermint
      Gloria
      No one said enough is enough

      Gloria
      They found you on the floor
      Gloria
      My hand was tied to yours
      Gloria
      Did you finally see that enough is enough?”

      It makes me cry whenever I hear it. I had to tell my self Enough Is Enough too.

      • I’ve just listened to this. It’s got me too. Enough is enough. You and us, are enough x

      • That’s a great song and somehow when a message comes through in music it can really open our eyes. I’m going to listen to it again now. Thanks for sharing!!

    • Yes, ANON. I am sure that SO MANY of us relate.
      I know that I can completely relate. Self-compassion.
      All this way!

    • Can so relate and am inspired that you can forgive yourself, which means I will work on, and will forgive myself too. It is about not loving ourselves enough and we are changing that and embracing our new persons!

    • You are forgiven as you have forgiven yourself. You are moving forward down the right road. Congrats x

    • I hear you Anon, I have done exactly the same! I would go to family gatherings and clock watch if there was no booze. I would always put everyone else first then treat myself to a bottle of wine (or 2) as compensation as I always felt no one cared about me. I now know that I need to care about me first and be more respectful towards myself then others will follow.
      Take care if you first Anon Xx

    • This was the first New year’s eve in 30 years that I was sober. It sucked and it was the best thing I ever did. Hold on to future happiness.

      • That is completely amazing- you are strong. How did you feel the next day though? I bet you were proud – well done

  • I forgive you for allowing your marriage to slip away further and further from your grasp with each bottle of wine you drowned yourself in. If you could have stopped looking for numbness and comfort and happiness in other people, you could have perhaps felt your pain and disappointment and salvaged (or at least tried to save) the lovely marriage that you had. It’s now 15 years later and you have reconnected with him in friendship and its too late because he’s married with children. Its a hard lesson to learn but I’m sober and it won’t happen again.

    • I can hear your pain but your words will resound with many. It’s never too late and you are a stronger more resilient person now who will find love again.

  • I forgive you for never being there for your two lovely children, them growing up and seeing you in situations they should never have witnessed

    • You are heard. I hear you because I am you. Far too long, my kids witnessed things they shouldn’t have. It probably shaped them into who they are now and how they see the world and people. The only thing I can do now is be sober and be the person who is present for them. I hope they see that change is possible.

    • You can still love them and you can tell them so. It may be hard for them to reciprocate, but they may someday do so. What matters is that you love them now.

    • I hear you! I have been too selfish for too long. I took the family that I dreamed of and hurt them over and over. I know we cannot fix what is past, but, we cannot fix the future until we fix what is broken. I am a work in progress, every day. Healing takes time. Now we have the time.

  • I forgive you for not listening to your dad the last time he called before he died because you were more interested in drinking and watching tv. My heart breaks for you, you never knew it was the last time.

    • You didn’t know, but the last doesn’t mean the most important. Even if you had picked up the phone, who knows if it would have been the last call you wanted to have? For the infinite “woulda coulda shoulda” positive outcomes, there are equal negatives. You are forgiven. Release this ghost of what could have been for the fulfillment of what WAS.

  • I forgive you for not taking care of your health and body the way you should have. You have been blessed with good health ( no major diseases) and have poured wine down your throat for decades. I know you want to be healthy now, so I forgive you. I’m on day 16.

    • I can totally relate to this. So many accidents. It’s such a change to go from hurting oneself to caring about oneself. Lots of love to you.

    • I did this too – we can forgive ourselves and turn it around with each new sober day. Day 16 is amazing!

  • I forgive you for being feeling so angry with life that you downed a bottle of wine at lunchtime before collecting your precious daughter from school.

    • If love for someone, such as a child, could stop us from drinking then there would be no one with an alcohol problem! The love I have for my child only made me feel more guilty for not being able to stop drinking. It was the hold the alcohol had on me. When I finally figured that out, I was able to stop after two decades of drinking. Forgive and love yourself! Move forward….always!

    • Living your better, alcohol-free life is what will make things better; beating yourself up won’t. Without the booze, you will find productive ways to cope with that anger, and without the booze, that anger won’t burn as intensely.

  • I forgive you for saying you hated your son in a drunken state, you said afterwards many times it wasn’t true and you did in fact love him very much. It’s time to let it go.

    • Go easy on yourself. It was only words – words you didn’t mean and he knows that. A lifetime to make it up to him. ❤️

  • I got pregnant through drunken sex with a stranger and had a termination. At 50 without children it feels like a punishment that I deserve. {I am learning to forgive myself for this.]

    • We all have made mistakes but learning to forgive yourself will help you come to terms with your past and move forward. Please be kind to yourself

    • 18 years ago, my mother suffered an aortic aneurysm. They did emergency surgery, but it was too late. As she lay dying in the hospital, she couldn’t speak, so I asked her to squeeze my hand if she wanted me to spend the night in her hospital room. She did. So I drove home to get a change of clothes, and also to get bombed. Then I drove, yes DROVE, back to the hospital and spent the night. She died the next morning. I have very little memory of the last night of my mother’s life. But, I forgive myself for that, and I know my mother does to. She too had a terrible problem with alcohol, and had gotten sober 30 years earlier.

      • At the time you didn’t know how else to cope with something so sad and of this magnitude. We are learning now to cope with difficult things in our life. It was not you it was the booze

  • I forgive you for choosing partners based on how much they drank, so you could feel at ease at drinking as much too. I forgive you for making important life decisions whilst pouring booze on your head that you now regret- you can move forward.

    • This one hits home for me. I chose my husband for many reasons, but partly because we had so much fun drinking and partying together. But as I aged, I realized it wasn’t serving me anymore and with the help of Belle and a belief that something different might be better, I am 5 years sober … I am different now. And this is better for me. I forgive myself and will move forward.

  • I forgive you for being so drunk the night your sister passed away that you had to leave the family dinner and your husband had to physically support you so you wouldn’t fall down.

  • I forgive you for being so unpredictable and distracted, for displaying coldness and a need to ‘be away’ from your children so you could sit with my wine. I forgive you for feeling almost resentful of your family’s needs to have you with them and engaged…

    • Oh my this resonates so much with me too… I used to use alcohol every night to “zone out” from my family …. Like I resented how much they took from me instead of looking after myself enough that I could be there enough when needed and be clear when I’d had enough…. It certainly takes practice to be able to do this without alcohol being involved!
      But at least we are granted a clearer head!
      Much love to you my friend xxx

  • I forgive you for succumbing to the advances of the husband of a friend when you were drunk. I admire you for nipping it in the bud and trying to deal with the situation as best you could. This would never, ever have happened sober

    • Yep – you are definitely not alone. Done some very wrong things with men that were married.
      Still love them , they are my friends, BUT never would have happened if I hadn’t been drinking. Not drinking anymore so should never be an issue going forward! Forgiving myself and you for these past mistakes.

  • I forgive you for agitating to get up and get more wine when you’re 7-8-9-10 year old son wants you to lay with him while he goes to sleep.

  • I forgive you for drinking so much on a girl’s weekend that you stumbled and scraped your knee and threw up on the hostesses bathroom mat.

    • I hear you and have done similar. Be kind to yourself, we’re here…I forgive us both. Take care

    • I hear you. You are forgiven. It wasn’t you; it was the booze. You never have to be in a situation like that again! Sending love.

  • I forgive you for driving drunk with two children in the car. I forgive you for baby sitting for your sisters four children that you ended up so drunk you left your 14 year old daughter in charge.

    • Oh bless you. Drinking makes us do things we would never do sober and gives us an inaccurate picture of how competent we are. I hear how much regret you have and it is time to let this go….forgiveness is yours xxx

    • Every sober step you take can bring you closer to compassion and trust for others. Every sober step you take can get you closer to compassion for and trust in yourself. Walking a better path takes you away from repeating past stumbles you cannot change.

    • Forgive yourself, I don’t know a person who drinks alcohol who hasn’t ended up way drunker than they every thought and typically with the people they love the most. And your daughter is so lucky you have the self love to see this! xoxo

  • I forgive you for returning drinking before and during a school board meeting. I forgive you for quitting your job in order to get sober. I forgive you for being an alcoholic. I know this wasn’t your plan or your choice. I forgive you for drinking to escape parenting. I forgive you and I love you. You and your imperfections.

    • Well I applaud you for giving yourself the space to get sober and put your recovery first. And I so relate to the drinking to avoid responsibility of parenting…we do tend to have such high expectations of ourselves that are unachievable. So glad you can forgive yourself now and let go of those things…..you deserve to move on from that …much love xx

  • I would like to forgive you for falling down the stairs in the middle of the night, causing concussion a broken elbow and having to be taken to the ER by your son at 4 in the morning.
    It was traumatic for him. All for that extra bottle of wine!
    It took too long to come to admit the problem, and I forgive you now.

    • I hear you. All the falls the bruises that you can’t remember how you got. The pitying look from your child as you’ve done it again. But the proud look on their face when they know you are really trying. If our kids can forgive us, it’s time to forgive ourselves

      • You are not alone.. felling pain and searching for bruises… then searching my mind for how it got there became a regular weekly event. So much shame comes from this.. it’s not us it’s the booze!

  • I forgive you for getting black out drunk and ruining Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day and 4th of July. I forgive you for destroying the special family days. [These times are behind you now.]

    • I have been in that same place, so ashamed the next day… just to let it happen again and again. Well no more I say, let us begin to repair those memories with better ones, that we can remember! hugs…

  • I forgive you for getting drunk at your daughter’s cheer competition in Las Vegas and humiliating her in front of all of her friends. You love her so much and still feel shame 15 years later, but I forgive you.

    • I hear you….and I hope that the shame will dissipate as you deserve to let go of that and live with a free heart. Your daughter will know you love her and also that as mothers we are far from perfect! Especially when in the grips of alcohol addiction….sending hugs xxx

    • You`ve achieved so much because of getting sober. You sure deserve to be forgiven. You can be so proud of yourself.

    • That insidious shame is debilitating. But it’s well past time to fully set it free. Release it into the past and watch it disappear like a dove that finally finds peace. You love and adore your daughter, clearly. She will see only your beautiful heart and soul because those are the gifts we give each other that shine through everything, always~~~

  • I forgive you for lying about drinking because it would have got you in trouble at work. Your friend told the truth and took the consequences for you both. She has a clear conscience and you are still trying to forgive yourself for picking alcohol over what you really cared about.

    • It’s so hard to be open and honest about our drinking especially when we know it will get us into trouble….you are forgiven. We can only learn to be true to ourselves in sobriety and to learn to have courage to stand by our morals but none of us are perfect and it is a tough call indeed especially when we know it’ll end in consequences we would rather not face…..keep on keeping on and much love

  • I forgive you for wasting 46 years when you could have been fully engaged and not distracted and half with it. Two plus years and working on grace.

    • I too wasted many years, 30+, drinking way too much and not living an authentic life. Let’s both claim grace and enjoy the rest of our life. We paid enough. We are finally free!

  • I forgive you for getting drunk and ruining your son’s birthday dinner by slurring your words, falling and embarrassing your family at the restaurant.

    • You are indeed forgiven . I can’t remember the number of times I acted in appropriately in front of my children and at formal occasions…. Unfortunately alcohol turns us into versions of ourselves that aren’t good! Thankfully we can return to who we are meant to be as sober humans and never behave that way again…. Focus on all the times ahead where you can enjoy your son and family gatherings without the booze ruining anything…. Much love to you xxx

    • I’ve ruined many dinners, too, but we don’t do that anymore. We’re forgiven! We can enjoy dinners with a clear head for the rest of our lives.

    • Be honest about this on a public forum is a good step away from that shame. I have lots of evenings like this too in my drinking past and keeping them in my head makes me squirm when I think of them. Laying it out bare like this removes a lot of the shaming power. Take joy from the fact that this kind of evening is in the past.

    • And for all his birthdays going forward you can be sober and fully there! Yay for fresh starts!

  • I forgive you for starting arguments with your husband while drunk creating problems where there were none. The alcohol messed with your emotions.

    • I completely understand this and forgive you. I have also said terrible things to my man who is one of the kindest humans and doesn’t deserve Mr. Nasty. Continue to do your best and being sober is fuckin hard

    • You are forgiven and I totally relate….. I am still working on forgiving myself for all the ways alcohol stood between myself and my children xx

    • Sadly, I can relate to this a lot. But you surely deserve to be forgiven and you can be very proud of yourself, too.

  • I forgive you making your kids anxious. I forgive you for losing your temper and being unpredictable. I forgive you for blurring the last few years of your life. You still have tomorrow.

    • Alcohol makes you do crazy things, not you.
      Do not dwell in the past, it cannot be changed but from this moment it can be different. Be kind to yourself and do one thing at a time, all the time.

  • I forgive you when you got wasted and didn’t wake up in time to drive your parents at the airport. Alcohol was used that night to waive my feelings and just brought me trouble. It was 2 years ago: I still feel bad about it.

    • I can totally relate, and two years is a long time, and I am afraid that will be me as well, so we both need to forgive ourselves, as hard as it may be. As we deserve and need to move on, as that instance is not who we are. Sending love and light

    • Thank you for sharing this. I did something much worse, broke my lovely moms trust and drove her to the airport when I was inebriated. She forgave me and never held it against me. I imagine your parents did the same. I appreciate your honesty and bravery. You have a conscience and are a good person.

    • The same thing happened to me almost 20 years ago. I drank so much the night before that I didn’t get my cousin to the airport in time and she missed her flight. So embarrassing. But the next time someone needs a ride, we’ll be there!

  • I forgive you for losing control and allowing your husband’s gross friend to take advantage of your kindness and think it’s reasonable to kiss you and tell you that you’re beautiful (cringe).

    • I forgive you and recognise your bravery in owning what happened. You are strong and on the right road. Let’s stay here together

  • I forgive you for getting black out drunk with your neighbors, not remembering how you got home, and puking all the next morning when you had to take your daughter (and yourself) for a haircut & family photos.

  • I forgive you for spending so much time and energy thinking about drinking, actually drinking, and beating yourself up about drinking. I forgive you for being distracted by alcohol when you were spending time with people you love including your kids.

    • What matters now is the time spent with the people you love going forward. Now it can be truly embraced and appreciated.

    • I totally get this as I have done this on and off for 30+ years. Don’t know why I have kept on doing it as I love my family and friends so much as I am certain you do too.
      I am trying again to remain sober this time.

    • I did the same thing for 12 years and much worse the 20 years before that. You are a positive role model now showing strength and honesty in the gift of sobriety. Be very proud that you are on this road now. I guarantee your kids are.

  • I forgive you for settling for less because you didn’t believe you deserved better. Drinking made you feel small and insignificant.

    • I hear you and I hope you can know in your heart how precious and unique you are as you….and be able to give yourself what you need …xxxx

    • This touched me so deeply…
      forgiveness, such a gift we so easily give others and so rarely to ourselves
      you are loved my friend

  • Anonymous
    I forgive you for staying too long in an abusive relationship because you could never quite tell in the morning how much of the blame was yours.

    • Oh girl, I feel your pain 😢. Onwards and upwards is the only way! 😊 Believe in yourself! Don’t let the bulls/£r of others befall you! Trust me got the t-shirt. If you’re doubting, I doubt it’s yourself! Be strong 💪🏼 you got this xx

  • I know you didn’t mean to hide your drinking from your husband on Christmas Eve (at your in-laws’), after he told you that you seemed like you’d had too much. I forgive you for proceeding to drink so much that you threw up all over their upstairs bathroom. I forgive you for basically missing Christmas because you were hungover. I know you were scared and not thinking. That you tried to sabotage yourself again.

    You can get better. And you will! Be kind to yourself while you continue to heal. Just. Stay. Sober.

    • Sober holidays can be amazingly wonderful. I used to wonder how I could “do holidays sober”… now I can’t believe I ever drank during them. They are so much better sober.

    • I feel you … It’s a relief to know I’m not the only one. … Forgive yourself, you are loved so greatly.

  • I forgive you for being so hungover Christmas morning you could barely leave the bathroom. I forgive you for getting so wasted at a concert and making a total fool of yourself in front of people who love you. Luckily they have forgiven you and you should too. You’re so much better off without the poison.

    • Oh this so resonates with me…the days I spent in bed hungover unable to be present for important days . And for never managing to “just go easy” as my husband would plead at family (or other social) gatherings…..it is almost impossible to be responsible and act responsibly once we ingest an addictive poisonous drug into our system which only makes us want more of it ….kind of a given really ….loads of love xx

  • I forgive you for choosing wine to time with my daughter. I forgive you for always making sure you had more wine in your glass than your husband.

  • I forgive you for the madness and chaos in your life caused by an abusive childhood worsened by pouring alcohol all over it. It’s done now, let it go.

    • Absolutely….I love the way you say it’s done….but I also want to say how much you as the little you needs all the love and compassion to heal from that abuse……be kind to yourself…. Hugs and love xx

  • I forgive you for giving up 2.5 years of sobriety and not getting it back after 7 years. I forgive you for believing you can handle alcohol even after falling on the floor drunk in a restaurant bathroom, being drunk all day Christmas 2020 with your entire family who of course knew but I decided they could not see. For continually craving a drink (like right now) although I “know” its the quickest path to depression. I forgive myself for reading Belle everyday and not doing what is recommended. For that I hate myself.

    • I know that Belle, and all the posters here, send you love—whether you have found the way to begin doing what is recommended YET, or not. You will. You are just gathering your strength around you. Be gentle and patient and try to give yourself this forgiveness, love and kindness.

    • Do not hate yourself darling. We have all been there in some way. One day at a time … let yesterday go as it, is not important now. You are and tomorrow is xxx Much Love xxx

  • I forgive you for throwing the innocence and strength of your marriage under the bus of the drunk decision you made to sleep with “him.”

    • I hear you and you are forgiven…. That drunk you isn’t the real you and i hear that regret….so much love and thank you for being brave to share it here xx

  • I forgive you for bad-mouthing your soulmate when you’ve had too much to drink. The alcohol is not your friend, and your friends don’t want to keep hearing you complain about your soulmate.

    • This resonates with me. Alcohol is a toxic to our brains and makes us say and do things we would not otherwise. Sending you love xxx

  • I forgive you for getting so lost taking your daughter to her soccer game and never getting her there because you were driving drunk. She forgave you years ago, but you can’t forgive you because you know what could have happened.

    • I hear you and feel your pain. You drove drunk because Wolfie had control. You’re wonderful daughter has forgiven you and you must now forgive yourself. Everyday you are sober is one more day that things like that won’t happen.

  • I forgive you for being on Day 1 again after swearing you would make it this time. I forgive you for all the precious minutes, seconds and hours you have wasted with your loved ones – made inattentive by alcohol. I encourage you to take heart from all these messages, add supports, begin again and succeed.

    • You are on day one and that alone is huge. When the time is right is when it will stick and this is your time now. I had been there many times too but now finally get it. Before you know it you’ll have day 1001 behind you. You are strong 💪 and you are worth the great way you will feel when wolfie is out of your head or so quiet you can’t hear him. You’ve got this!!!!!

  • I forgive you for losing the well paid job that provided security for your family. At the time drinking wine was far more important than providing a secure and happy life for your children. This was not a choice made by the real you and certainly wouldn’t happen now.

    • Alcohol has such power over us until we stop using it and regain the clarity that comes from being our real selves again. So happy that has happened for you. Hang onto the clarity-it is precious-just like you are.

    • I have been drunk countless times at work, even passed out mid-meeting (virtual). I hear you.

  • I forgive you for not taking more overnight and weekend call shifts at the hospital because it meant giving up a night of drinking. You’re more reliable now and after 220 days of not drinking, life keeps improving.

  • I forgive you for letting drink rule your life. Trying to take your life as you were so fed up of the circle of bingeing, cold turkey, sickness, shakes, feeling of the hatred you had to yourself. I forgive the huge amount of mistakes you made whilst drinking. You’re better than all that.

    • Alcohol is a liar and a thief. You are indeed better than all that. Love and hugs to you xxx

  • I forgive you for not setting a good example to your gorgeous children, the two people you love most in the world.

    • This haunts me daily. So know you’re not alone. What they will remember is how present you were once you stopped.

  • I forgive you for being drunk and totally ‘not there’ when your dearest uncle died & you stayed with your aunt the night before his funeral to support her, to be there for her. And wasn’t. I forgive you.

    • oh gosh this really hit home for me. we used alcohol to try to cope with the enormously painful feelings and we didn’t mean to not ‘be there’ big hugs to you x