from me: You’re trying to contain something uncontainable

from me:

I’m going to say some things that you know are true, but that you have perhaps not thought about in this exact way.

The problem with the moderation thinking is: If we could do it, we’d already be doing it. We wouldn’t be here reading this.
I wouldn’t have quit drinking at all, frankly, if I’d have been able to drink only at Easter and Christmas and special occasions, or only on weekends, or whatever the rules.

You may not have called it moderation.

You might email me and say, “But Belle, I never tried moderation. Maybe I should go try that now, I’ll be right back …”

And I’ll say, “That’s what you’ve been trying. You just didn’t CALL it moderation.” If you are alternating drinks with water, trying to slow down — if you make rules with yourself (only on Thursdays, only on Fridays, only on special occasions) …

this means that you’re trying to contain it.

You’re trying to contain something uncontainable.

“Maybe if I only drink bad alcohol, then I won’t crave it as much. Maybe if I only buy expensive stuff.”

You’ve tried this.

I tried this.

I remember once I bought a case of wine, mistakingly thinking that if there was more around, then I wouldn’t obsess about it. I thought my obsession about ‘running out’ was about quantity. I didn’t realize that it had to do with wanting to drink in every available moment, from the second I was ‘allowed’ to drink (when was I allowed? well, at wine-o-clock, some days it was 6 pm, or 8 pm, or when on vacation or Christmas morning it could be 10 am) – I was waiting to drink. And I was always trying to make rules on how to navigate all that.



[this is extracted from lesson 2 of the 5-part Exit → Exist audio series, you know: Exit the booze elevator so you can Exist.
all you have to do is sign up and you’ll get the first audio right away.
thanks to donations, three-quarters of the price has been covered for you, so this series of audios is $10 US. one payment. not recurring. nothing weird. just 5 audios for you.
yes, that’s my voice. you’ll hear me — talking directly to you.
Sign up here.]


One New Journal Each Day for 10 Days

Journal 6

​spiral journal, 100 pages/50 sheets
6″ x 8.5″ (14,8 x 21 cm)
​front cover hand-painted in acrylic
mailed in a padded envelope from France

​Available at auction >


for you. because you like to write. you take notes. you keep a journal of your sober thoughts (ha!). or maybe you keep a gardening journal, and that’s how you know that this year the tulips are early.

every day for 10 days i’m going to post a new journal, each with a distinctly different cover, different colours, all hand-made, one of a kind.

each journal will start out with an opening bid of $5 and will be open for bidding for 2 days only. short bid. you have to watch what’s happening 🙂

like this one above

the journals are proudly being shown on Daily Paintworks (thanks to them for sponsoring this auction!).

opening bid is $5. you can go and have a look here >

hugs from me & him


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • This. This is the thing. You are in my head, you read my thoughts, you’ve seen my case of wine…… oh my God, I’m not alone and yet, still on the crazytrain. I’ve downloaded the 5 part audio. I may be well on my way to my 100 day journey.

  • Morning Belle , Day 16 I was hoping for a bright light or something , no just kidding , I’m happy with a good night sleep and no brain fog in the morning. I will receive soon you EXIT note pad and hopefully put it to use , I don’t like to write about my feelings not a journal type of guy but that will change now , Things are better for sure and I have been at this with many restarts over 20 plus years and have had some good gaps of sobriety, so I know how its feels to have time and I have never given up the hope of having a life with out the booze. Today is today so i will live it sober and that is a good thing , Thanks Belle ,
    I love Paris , I didn’t think I would when I went , I race the Marathon a few years ago and had a blast , I was 2 year 2 1/2 year sober then ,anyhow have a great day .

    David C