do the things whether i want to or not …

from me: we got news of our confinement ‘easing’ beginning on May 11th. groups of 10 allowed, parks-reopened (!), can go up to 100km from home without paperwork, can run day and night. kids back to school in groups of 10. shops reopened with social distancing in place. no concerts, theatres, restaurants until june 2nd at the earliest (before they were saying mid-july). i can tell that already they’re not checking our paperwork anymore, and while the duck pond is ‘closed’ there’s no one enforcing it. i’ll be there on may 11th, that’s for sure. hope i didn’t miss all of the lilacs. i feel ok about the easing as of today. we’ve had lower ICU numbers every single day since our high of april 7 (22 days). by the time we reopen it’ll be 35+ days of downward numbers.

we also had our first shipment of art supplies come by mail, and mr.belle got 6 blank canvases (with plans for 4 ‘mountain’ paintings and & 2 ‘lake to sky’ paintings). the second mountain painting is at the bottom of this post.

and yesterday i made praline (nuts and caramel that you then pulverize into a chunky powder). the first time failed miserably, the sugar gathered in large crystallized clumps, all the good nuts straight into the garbage. the second batch was lovely, with dark brown runny caramel and bright green pistachios.

what changed?
i tried different …



from me: 
sometimes when someone is having a hard time getting going after a relapse, i’ll suggest an ‘intervention’ of sorts, with a couple of calls a week, and audios and homework, until they get rolling. I got this email from EMW a few days ago:

EMW (day 8): “Well I can’t believe it. I added tools and did them whether I wanted to or not, and here I am on day 8. I have a 1 pm AA phone mtg scheduled today, 5 podcasts to listen to, and I’ll email you 4 times. And I have Jason Vale’s book which I love to read for motivation as well. I will email you later and hope you have a great day!…”

me: well you know, I think we need to put this on a poster 🙂 I did the things, whether I wanted to or not, and now I’m on day 8 🙂 this is lovely! hoo-fucking-ray for YOU.

[and now she’s on day 11 today]

we received some blank canvases in a special delivery on Saturday. only a few though! so mr.belle went right back to work and made this one on monday and it was dry enough on tuesday to add the word when he came down for his lunch break (roast beef and salad from the take-out deli across the street, our first take-out meal in 7 weeks)…]

Here 10. mountain painting

Here 10.
canvas itself is 30 x 30 cm (12″ x 12″)
acrylic on wrapped canvas, varnished, edges of the canvas are painted black
Wood frame is African ayous (hardwood), pale straw colour.

Free shipping included.

Available with or without frame
link here >

This painting is dry and ready to ship. You’ll get an email when your painting is in the mail.

hugs from me & him


here’s how the original story unfolded:

me to him: “what are you doing upstairs in that studio?”
“just experimenting with things.”
“what sort of things?”
“on paper?”
“on canvas.”

he shows me the painting below. “wowie,” i say. “this is something new. you travel over the mountains. there are more mountains coming, perhaps. you have stay here. stay in the now. do today. The way you get ‘there’ is to do here. The changes start from here. From today.”

he smiles, and says “ok, but what word do you want then?”
me: “here.”
“stay here?”
“no, just ‘here’ – and it should be in lowercase. and kind of pale, to blend in a little with the background.”


and so we have this new mountain painting with ‘here’ on it 🙂

it’s like one of those maps in the park?
You are HERE. 

and what you do from here forward changes everything. 


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I was just reading that about EMW and it came back just how massively difficult those first few days are to get going….and how long they feel….but also just what an incredible achievement each day is….and I guess I wanted to highlight that because I suppose I remember feeling it was such a tiny achievement “compared” to those who were months and years sober….but really the hardest part is the beginning….because it gets so much easier to stay sober once the car is rolling….
    And then I remember being told “ don’t repeat the hard part again”….and actually that’s really helpful ….because I used to feel that the hard part would be never drinking again….no the hardest part was having to keep repeating the “giving it up “ part over again.
    So I guess I wanted to cheer along with EMW !
    Keep on going…….💪🤗