i’m fine, i’m fine, i’m fine, i’m tired…

From Monday, March 23, 2020, sent out as a daily email to free email subscribers.

no comparing… 

so here’s how my mood goes:
i’m fine
i’m fine
i’m fine
then all of a sudden i’m tired

i’m sleeping 10-11 hrs a night, which i know is a sign that my subconscious is continuously busy processing stuff. you too?

my catering work has all stopped now, as has Job #1, and husband’s work has stopped. but the sober world still turns 🙂

one thing i’m realizing, too, and maybe you’re feeling this, is that my mood is ‘good’ until something irritating happens, or flattening, or even marginally hard, and then i’m squished flat for longer, like 2-3 hrs, and THEN I bounce back up again.

we’re resilient but still need to allow time for bounce-back.

for example, this morning i got up and my husband presented me with the news headlines without me asking, and i had only been awake for 3 minutes. He tells me that the canadian olympians will not be travelling to the olympics this summer. now this is totally irrational and nonsensical of me, but it seemed extra depressing that it was the canadians who did this first. i said to husband, “why do they have to do this first? why can’t it be italy who says it first?” (as if who says it first really matters.)

When i know that canada/usa aren’t in the exact level of lockdown that we’re in, AND they’are already taking such definitive steps — i don’t know, it felt more real. so i said to husband: no more news unless i ASK for it, and never first thing in the morning.

i also realize that you and me, we’re working on being kind to ourselves as we face things in REAL time.

i can’t say “oh i’ll think about the olympics later,” i have to have that emotion now, so that i can be ready for what comes next. (i did read a bit more about it, felt better afterwards.)

when we’re sober we do emotions in REAL time. we do them as they come up.

because really, who wants to homeschool their 3 kids with no notice? no one. and then we do.
who wants to have their adult kids at home while they’re trying to sell a house and job hunt at the same time? no one. and then we do.

and in the ‘kindness’ category, i realize that i only have so much bandwidth each day. i saw that another sober writer was hosting live group zoom calls DAILY, and i thought, “well i should be doing that too,” but then felt too tired last week.

then i realized: i’m emailing people 3-4 hours a day, helping everyone with adjustments. no wonder she has energy to do a live show EVERY DAY while dealing with her own adjustments: she’s not a sober penpal. 

so since i have this unique life where I am a penpal to about 75 or 80 people at a time, and this work doesn’t stop for the corona virus, then for now my focus is (a) taking care of me, and (b) taking care on my penpals.

everything else comes after that 🙂

Because really, when does comparing myself to other sober writers ever help us? we all suffer from this comparion thing, right? What we need to remember (you and me, both), is that she’s doing her thing, and i’m doing mine. i can’t be her. and there’s nobody else in the world doing what i’m doing, so i can’t compare myself to anyone 🙂

after the news dump this morning, i went out for my run (sunny, cold, 3C), and went to the frozen food store and discovered they’re having their once-a-year special on imported American food, and that they finally have the best ever macaroni and cheese in stock (made with the best cheese from pike place market in seattle). I got two boxes, and THIS is my treat for today, thank you very much! it tastes like ‘home’ to me 🙂

you? you working on being kind to you? hugs


You’re ready for something new. Exit the booze elevator. This is the time. Get out and stay out. Look for the sign.

new painting posted
this is #596
link here > www.artsober.com

thanks so much for your support 😉 at one painting per day, that’s enough to keep the lights on …

see this new painting here > www.artsober.com


hugs from me (and him)




I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012