“My parents being here is always a major issue for me … rest and self care go out the window. My parents have no boundaries with me and impossible standards. I clean my entire house a week before they arrive and it’s still not good enough for them. They are constantly going from 7 am to 10 pm. Errands, paperwork, cleaning chores, household projects, nonstop. If I tell them I don’t feel well and want to rest, they will either accuse me of not being sober or will tell me to ‘go rest for an hour’ and then come into my bedroom every 5 mins asking me to help them with something that ‘cannot wait’ like finding old tax records or asking me to check if the dishwasher always makes that noise, or show them where my duct tape or mustard seeds or whatever fucking random weird thing they need for their project is … What should I do? I feel trapped. Audio ideas?”
me: it does sounds like a lot of pressure. you may have to be very firm with your mom … if you feel like she’s not giving you space, and interrupting you even when you’re in the bathroom (!), then you’ll have to be firmer. ‘No Mom, not now. No Mom, not now’ — as if she is 5 years old, and you would just repeat the same phrase, without being angry. By the third time she asks and you repeat it again, she’ll get it, but you might have to say NO three times in a row before she hears you.
and how about these audios [i can make up a bundle too]:
- SP103 – Boundaries (i’m doing this to take care of ME, you say. i’m learning how to say no)
- SP163 – Good Boundaries (we care so much that other people like us, that we don’t care if we like ourselves …)
- SP169 – Interview Practise 1 (how to maintain boundaries, why do we over-drink (is it family history?)
- SP211 – The Sprinkler (how to avoid dealing with someone (or some situation) that is making you feel nutty)
- a 2-minute clip from SP187 – Take Care of You (this is not the whole podcast, just an extract) – what does it mean to ‘take care of yourself’?
- OMM020 Boundaries: there are toxic people around you, there is shit-pouring. you need an umbrella. how do you get one?