email from Marie Louise (day 114): “Dear Belle, I am still here, I am still sober, and I am also not needing chemotherapy!! This is really good news, needed that. I have (yet) another appointment at hospital today to get a plan for radiation therapy and also a course of heavy-duty anti-hormone pill treatment, since the kind of cancer I have is the hormone-fueled one.
So I think I have been very very lucky and I am trying to be grateful.
Trying, because mostly, i just feel exhausted and completely stressed out. Whirlwind of thoughts in my head, will I be able to work during the coming weeks, should I just throw in the towel and take sick leave, what to do. Don’t sleep well, am utterly unproductive (not good at that). Going for long walks, that’s nice, but I cannot turn off the buzz in my head. So struggling somewhat.
Wolfie is still on my back, even though I have told him to fuck off many many times. I think this shows the reality of my coping mechanism with booze.
Exhaustion, stress and worries, and not having control over my life equates reaching for a drink. Arghhhh. I have been good with the treats, though, bought lovely new winter outfit, and going for a massage later today.
I really enjoyed your mails … they resonated with me so much … but also getting to know you a little better and sensing your frustration with life and being human and imperfect. So Thank You for sharing that … Sending a big hug. I am so glad you are there and doing what you are doing 🌸. Marie Louise”
sober inspired art, thanks to mr.belle
this is painting #527. Stay here. you’re sober now. stay here.
I want to respond to Mary Louise. You are amazing. Two years ago I witnessed my sister going through what you are going through, and she went through it sober as well (why add more toxins?), and i was amazed. At the time, i thought i would be drinking my head off if it were me. But today i understand the million reasons not to, the way that alcohol lies and tells us it is The Solution, when really it is just piling on another Problem with a capital P. Mary Louise, you are my hero, and i’ve written your name in the list of things to be thankful for today. Sending you healing thoughts.
Twenty days sober this October. Just dropping to to update.