his drinking voice was too powerful

from me: a weird and busy morning. i had a special order catering thing (smell those cinnamon buns?), and i went for a run, and then the house was cleaned, and then we got a text that the apartment we’ve been to see twice has a new rental application on it, and we have to act fast! (well, either that, or they’re tired of us visiting the apartment but not sending in our application). so now i’m running around photocopying passports, copying tax returns, and scanning a copy of our current lease. in france you have to ‘qualify’ to rent an apartment; they won’t let you rent something that is too high for your salary (which is so smart), but it means you have to PROVE yourself. but also in france, they will find it very hard to evict someone for not paying their rent, so they have to err on the side of caution (!) in who they rent to. in our case, we’re no smoking, no children, and working at home so hopefully this makes us good tenants. and we’re canadians 🙂 everyone loves canadians 🙂 Also, mr.belle has his french visa meeting tomorrow so i’m photocopying for that too, his tax return, proof of having a place to live, proof of health care, proof of filing taxes… and the house smells like cinnamon still! i’ve done my penpal emails, it’s nearly 5 pm and the rental agent guy just texted me again to ask other random things, so hopefully he’s beefing up my application (since i’m not french, i don’t have all the normal french stuff that they ask for). fingers crossed for the best possible outcome. it’s either this or the next best thing. but i’m only open for best things.  i hereby declare, universe, that if it’s not this apartment, then there’d better be something else that is lovely, with a view of the eiffel tower, and how about top floor so there’s no neighbour noise? love, belle xo !!!!!!! (i keep trying to figure out if i should delete this whole paragraph. o well.)


from my inbox:

from G (day 271): “Good Morning Belle. As I enjoy the solitude of an early fall morning, I am contemplating the destructive power of addiction. My step-brother (owns 2 bars) is dying in a hospital about 6 hrs from me, because his drinking voice was too powerful. He did not have a drink for a year and his voice said his liver was healed enough to have a few. What a crock. Tomorrow I will travel to say my goodbyes. What a waste! A kind, generous man with a young family. The doctor has given him 1-10 days to live. He will go home by ambulance on Monday to sit on his deck one last time. The choice is real… I choose a hard sober weekend compared to a damaging drinking one. It’s all fun and games until it is not.”

and then she emailed again 24 hrs later:

“He lost his battle at 3 a.m. No longer will his drinking voice win.”

[update: she’s on day 290 today]


sober art thanks to mr.belle
This is painting #528 here.
(stay here, stay sober, stay true to you)



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • My step father use to make this clearing his throat noises and that was a sign he was drunk and my anxiety would be through the roof. I would hope we would want to lay down and fall asleep.

  • Hi Belle, firstly can I just say you blog has been an inspiration to me. Not only to get in this journey but also the support received online is overwhelming and that’s what I need. I don’t want the support of my husband or friends( I know I have that but I still feel judged). That unbiased support can sometimes be overwhelming! is there any advice you can give for a new starter on day 2?

  • That is such a terribly sad end to a life… it’s worth remembering when temptation comes and my head says “just one drink won’t matter”