it tastes good

from Lurker K:  

“Hello Belle, I have to admit that I’m definitely a lurker, mostly to try and convince myself that I’m not like everyone else. But deep down I know I am. I know my nightly alcohol is a problem. BUT it just tastes good! It’s not only the ‘forget my problems’ or ‘relax at the end of the day’ drink. It just TASTES good. Better than soda water & cranberry juice, iced tea or fruit water.”

me: alcohol tastes like a blackout, like waking up not feeling proud of yourself. you wouldn’t drink gasoline, no matter how much your brain lied to you and told you that it tasted good. you wouldn’t drink gasoline because “that shit is poison and no good comes from it.” wolfie can be such a bastard.




stay here. stay sober. stay true to you.
link >



online support works for me because …

Freedom: “I love it because it’s available whenever I need it. I don’t have to get childcare arranged in order to use it as a resource. It makes me realise that there are many thousands of us doing this around the world and that I’m not alone (like Wolfie likes to tell me). And it feels safer sometimes.”


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Hello, I am a new subscriber and 13 days sober today. I am listening to your one minute messages and 5 minutes of that just got me through a strong craving. So huge Thank-you to you Belle. The history of my over drinking is almost irrelevant right now because this is the only moment I have, right here, right now. I have been going to some AA meetings, but I find it confuses me and things I hear seem to contradict what I think I’m trying to do. I am trying to be free. Free from Wolfie, free from self flagellation, free from the constant negative chatter in my head. I come to this point quite late in life at 56 yrs and there are reasons for that, but hey ho- I have some intense problems. For so long I have told myself, I am useless, not true, I am a waste of human being, I am loud and brash, I am unworthy, and so the list goes on ad -infinitum. Do I really want to take part in yet another character assassination on myself? No – I do not. I need to build myself up and start believing in my own power and strength. Alcohol destroyed that. What got me moving on this road was listening to first Claire Pooleys book – The Sober Diaries and then The Unexpected Joy of being sober by Catherine Gray – that’s how I heard about Belle. Hurrah.. other forms of help are out there, here and I really want/ need to take part in this. Oh and Ruby Wax.
    Truth is I know I have plenty of good in me and I exercise this whenever I can. AA tell me ‘this is your problem, its all about you, you, you’ Yikes that scares this shit out of me. Could my self esteem take any more bashing? I think not.
    So, today is day 13 ( I know I already told you, but it sounds good). Cool, AWESOME. I know I have a long way to go to stay sober but right now it feels SO good. I am functioning. I am no longer grumpy with the checkout people. someone was rude to me today and I just let it slide, let it go. Whilst on 1 and a half bottles of wine per day, I would almost certainly have got into an argument.
    I have booked two 3 year overdue essential medical screening tests, made an appointment with the Dentist and find myself singing along with the car radio to
    Hold on by Wilson Phillips. Ah it was bliss and lifted my mood even further.
    Hold on for one more day….. Check it out, Its a feelgood song. Music really helps me. In the UK its only 19.30 and I am bathed and in my PJ’s. Going to bed really early has got me through these last two weeks – tomorrow. That’ll be 14 days tomorrow… Wow. Not a Lurker. Here I am.
    Thank- you to all you lovely people on the same road – Yes we can!
    My Mums name was Elizabeth and I have her in mind as I commence this journey.

  • Hi Belle,
    Major lurker here. Read from the beginning up until you reached a year. You’re amazing.
    I found you through Catherine Gray. I’m a lot like you…years of wondering and thinking too much about drinking. Even when I choose to be sober more days than I drink, it takes up too much space in my mind.
    I want a clear head for a while, and some quiet. Ive even felt it while drinking…that it’s not really fun and that it’s just making me feel slow and stupid. But it’s so easy to keep hiding a few times a week when the impacts are mostly in my mind and my self esteem, which are notoriously shitty to begin with.
    I admire sober people and I’d like to live my life that way but it is so hard when the world is full of booze and excuses.