i think my moderation button is fixed

sometimes when penpals finish 180 days sober, i suggest that they extend and write a new pledge to go to day 365. here’s what Beach_Gurl sent:

“I’ve done 180 days! I’m ready for more! I love the way I feel sober and I know it will only get better!
Wolfie is mostly quiet these days but I know if he lurks I need to reach out -immediately!
I vow to not drink one fucking drop between now and my one year soberversary!
I will not have a FUCK IT moment!

I will not drink even if:
I am happy and want to celebrate
I am sad because I miss my girls or my mom.
I just want a little buzz.
I want to escape with wine with my husband sitting on our deck.
I think my moderation button is fixed—- because it FUCKING ISNT!
Wolfie shows his bastard self.
I’m feeling sorry for myself because I’m injured.
I have a terrible day teaching (there are many)!
Think I’m missing all the fun.

Instead I will:
Celebrate by playing some upbeat music and dance around singing off key!
Cry and feel my grief for my mom or skype with my girls.
Exercise and get an endorphin high.
Call the fix-it shop and tell them, don’t bother fixing it, I won’t be needing my moderation button.
Kick wolfie wine bastard in the balls and tell him to fuck off! I’m in control, not him.
Look around and see others worse off than me. Quit whining and do abs.
Vent for 5 minutes to my husband about the rude disrespectful students, then forget about it!
Remember my sister in law making an ass out of herself and witnessing her self hatred.
I will not drink, no matter what!
I want to see what happens next! I CAN DO THIS!!!”


this is exit 479, a new montreal painting just completed yesterday. you’ll get to choose the word that goes on it … www.artsober.com


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012