Fierce With The Goal, Flexible With The Means

from me

In rereading my morning pages from March 21, 2016, it was right after I’d returned from Apprentice SoberP’s wedding in Scotland, and days later my stepfather (mr. cinnamon) had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was getting ready to go to Canada to see him, and I was writing a pep talk note to myself, and then as I wrote, it morphed into a sober lesson:

Monday March 21, 2016
My plan for this week: chiropractor for ongoing sore back, dentist, prescriptions refilled, odds and ends. follow-up on jewelry order, mail out newsletters, laundry, buy a plane ticket, keep working on book, and assume that april 16th still works as a pre-launch date [it did]. Keep going at 85%, not manic, just regular effort, it can all occur, just in ways you don’t expect. People publish books from Canada. People mail jewelry from Canada. It can all occur, just differently. Fierce with the goal, flexible with the means. The ‘HOW’ is always different. If we knew the HOW, we’d do it straight away. The truth is there are 60 HOWs. If you try 1 + 2 and it doesn’t work, and if the goal is to be sober, then move to a different HOW. Your insistence on knowing/creating/believing in ONE HOW is the problem. The rigidity. The inflexibility. The self-righteousness. It isn’t working. This rigidity doesn’t suit you. It locks you in a room with the insides of your head. You open the door, you come out of the closet (you exit). You step into the sunshine. It’s about time.




exit painting #389 >


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012