email from E: “I think my biggest fear about being long-term sober is that as long as I’m drinking, I won’t ever have the life I really want or deserve. But I’m not trying to get that life, so I don’t need to feel bad about not having it.
What if I quit drinking, and work hard, and focus and really try! What if after all that I still don’t have the life I want and deserve. Despite everything I still might not be enough. And that is the scariest, saddest thought I have ever had.
I haven’t committed to being sober yet. But I will. Soon. I love your emails, they really help me to feel less alone.”
me: And what if you quit drinking and your life is improved … You’re not obliged to live in the sunshine and roses of sobriety if you get there and decide you don’t like feeling relieved and happy. I know that the sunshine looks impossible. Instead, though, you can go to the sunshine and THEN decide if it’s worth it. Decide from the place of sunshine. hugs
disclaimer: i know jack shit. i have written a sober book which is even more hilarious because i can only write about my experience and that’s a pretty weird thing. we think our drinking stories are unique (well, i do), and then in the telling we realize that we have more the same than we do different. Quote from the book:
It starts at 3 a.m., wake up, roll over, not too quickly or the nausea will start. Try to be still, flat on your back. Hot. Thirsty. Headache. Take a small sip of water as a trial, to see how this is going to go. Not well. Shift in the bed again. Why is it so hot in here. Then cold. One foot out from under the blanket — oh it’s no use, the room has started to move.
shameless commercial link. written by SouthernMagnolia1013:
“I have been sober for 270 days. That’s 270 days of still getting excited about reading your emails that come in. In the beginning I subscribed to your sober podcast-lesson thingy. I loved the podcasts. They were my go-to for certain nights before I went to bed. It was part of my routine. Then my momentum was going so well and I thought I would take a break from the podcasts and I unsubscribed.
You know, I ended up missing listening to those podcasts where I got to hear really encouraging words and thoughts and stories that related exactly to ME. It’s like you were making the podcast lessons just for me. So I decided to resubscribe and am so glad that I did. I am still learning new things about sobriety that I never realized before. I also like that it’s my little way of hitting up that tiny gift button. You deserve a fat paycheck for ALL of the time you spend helping others. So when that day comes when my bank account is overflowing and I am fortunate enough to give out yearly contributions to my favorite charity or organization, I am putting your name at the top of my list. In the meantime I’ll just have to thank you by subscribing to the weekly podcasts :)”
[update: she’s on day 1664]