the pattern is actually this

email from Ri:
“Sober today. Day one.
Same pattern repeated this weekend.
40ish days sober … Drink.
I know. I can hear you, Belle. You’re thinking:
‘The pattern is actually this:
Supports & tools.
Podcasts & OMM’s.
Treats & emails.
Celebrate 30 days sober!
Stop reaching out for support.
No need for tools & treats.
Make excuses to miss meetings.
Send fewer emails.


from me:
it was a very strange weekend, where i took one of my husband’s paintings and said “i want to add some life to this, some sparkle.” I did use the word effervescence but he didn’t know what that meant (and i didn’t know how to say it in french). i said “signs of life, little bubbles like deep sea diving.”
and it takes a very patient man, to let his wife DRAW on his paintings. and then she makes tee-hee noises, and posts the painting, and people comment. and then she gloats about being a genius. and he is amused but not convinced. and then she does it again.

BP: “Love it! I see pops of unexpected, just like being sober — those moments, new thoughts, new ways to live that just show up and you’re like wow, yes!!”

Sarita: “I LOVE it! I see little oxygen bubbles rising up — coming back to life!”

link >

link >


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • and then when you send fewer emails…it’s easier to send fewer emails…and so on and so on….drink….restart….so on and so on…..loud wolfie…quiet wolfie the maybe I got this alone wolfie….drink….