stuck in our head

we can get stuck in our head with the ‘drink-now’ voice. we can get stuck thinking that nobody understands, nobody cares, nothing will work. in fact, the ‘nothing’ language is wolfie speaking. because there ARE tools and supports. there are. there are things to do and try. sometimes it means doing 5+15 things together at the same time. sometimes THAT is what’s required. so you do it. cuz you keeping your head above water is the goal. and you alone in your head with a voice that thinks that drinking is a good idea? that’s too lonely.

even on weekends. even when everyone else around you is doing something else. it’s ok if you do what’s best for you. keep your head above water. reach for a flotation device…



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I had another drinking related dream last night. I’ve been having quite a few. In almost all of my dreams, I’m in a fun social environment where everyone is drinking, and in my dream I think “fuck it, I’ll just drink tonight and then I’ll stop tomorrow”. But then (IN MY DREAM!), I think about Belle and Elise, and that I will be so embarrassed about telling them that I caved and drank. And IN MY DREAM, I know that I will feel so shitty because I will never just drink one and I will definitely feel shitty that I didn’t keep this commitment to myself.

    I’m reaching out for my flotation device of accountability (Belle and Elise, sober penpals), support (daily emails, reading blogs, listening to audio), to stay connected and not be left alone in my head (and DREAMS!) of thinking that drinking is a good idea. Because it’s not.

  • This post feels very close to something you said in today’s “give up what doesn’t serve me” email.

    You said “the things i thought i couldn’t change, i could.”

    That’s the wisdom we learn over time. That’s the thing that’s so hard to understand or believe early on.

    We get stuck in our thinking patterns. They are ruts. We want to change but don’t believe that we can. The rut becomes so deep we can’t see outside of it and even contemplate the existence of alternatives.

    Getting out of the rut (however you choose to do that) exposes a world of choices. Being alcohol free gives us the capacity to choose what we want to change and to do so with intention.

    That’s so much more satisfying a life than being dragged along (or under) by the current.