it feels natural now

photo from nashville restaurant Ole Red, upstairs by the bathrooms.

from my inbox:

email from sohocat (day 246): “I am sober. I am using my toolkit. Sleep again to the rescue! Came home from work on Friday and slept three hours. Just wanted to put my head down for a minute but it was just what I needed …

My one Wolfie moment was between the [event] and the restaurant when our visiting friend said, “I need a margarita” and for a second, my old WINEWINEWINE reflex kicked in, but then I realized I was just tired and thirsty and the restaurant has sugary fruit mocktails and yummy fries, which is what I was really craving 🙂 It also felt good to just have that juice drink and Perrier at dinner when his daughter gave him a look when he ordered his second margarita. He told her he was “just celebrating” … But I was celebrating by being present and it feels natural now. No one questioned me. Not judging our friend, but I know what it’s like to be where he is and it just makes me feel compassion….

self care = being able to be present = needing alone time = self care = being able to be present. I like that math. It’s working. xo, sohocat”

me: this is so true. the ‘I’m celebrating’ – when really what he’s saying is ‘I’d like to celebrate you by being half (or totally) numb, not really here, not really listening, not really present, and then say things I won’t remember, and if I did I’d regret them.’ yeah, that sounds like FANTASTIC celebrating, doesn’t it.

[update: she’s on day 963 today]


​This painting was selected to go to the Tennessee Art Show in Knoxville Tennessee (May 9-11, 2019) … 🙂

It’s now available on the site.

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sober support paintings MAILED to Connecticut, England, New Jersey, & Texas


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I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012