I went straight back to my old ways

email from L (sent on a monday): “Hi Belle, feeling very sad with myself today as on Thursday I celebrated getting to 100 days. I then decided and really believed that I could try moderation. On Thursday itself I had one glass of red poison and thought, yes I can do it.

But with no rules, no 100 days anymore, I was like a wild horse with devilment in me so by Saturday I was overexcited about my night out. I went STRAIGHT back to my old ways: 3 pints of beer, 2 massive wines, another beer, vodka, red wine then I even went more downhill and did another substance that was on offer … I would never have done that if I was sober. Thank fuck there were no random men issues this time. Went to sleep 6am Sunday morning. Still feel like shit tonight Monday 9:40 pm. My anxiety is sky high, I have had to cancel everything and lie to everyone that I have a migraine. I’m scared to go shopping.
So that was just great.

However, now I’m going to start again cos I know I can do it. But this time I’m doing until the end of this year, and beyond. If one good thing can come out of my terrible behaviour it’s that I’m more determined and certain that I don’t drink anymore. Not a little bit. None.

Do a lot of people make the decision to try moderation after the 100 days and then end up like me?”



two FB live videos from May 8th …  one about self-soothing with netflix, the other about misplaced gin at 11:30 a.m.


travelling. photo taken on the tiny 29 minute flight from atlanta to knoxville, TN. The clouds look very ‘close’ and free-standing.


shameless commercial link: bonus photo of Paris being mailed to podcast subscribers in May. you can go do that now. audiosober.com




I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I will be 90 days tomorrow and I have slight thoughts that “drinking might be a good idea”, but I don’t let the thoughts grow larger than that and I just move on. I am not planning on drinking after 100 days, specifically because of listening to or reading about others who have succeeded in 100 days or more and then tried moderation and hated it. I don’t think I will try my luck at it, I just know I will fail at moderation. Although if I don’t keep reading this blog or listening to audios, I can see how I can become complacent and believe I can moderate, and as I”m just 90 days, I have a lot to learn.

  • L I am worried this will happen to me too, haven’t started the 100 day challenge yet, a little scared to make that step but I am sure I will. Why do we do this when we know we can not drink in moderation!!! I hope that you are going to start again and honestly don’t beat yourself up at least you have recognised your mistake and you are trying to get back on track. All we can do is our best and hope that one of our attempts work and we never drink again. Sending you love and hugs.