email from Katana (day 11): “I listened to all the podcasts I have on repeat today. I’m not even sure I was listening to what you were saying. I just associate your voice with the fact I want to be sober and go from there.
I managed to clean out my entire desk today. I’ve decided I don’t need one. All it does is collect shit and then it pisses me off that it is always dirty. I’m trying to stay away from things that piss me off. To bad the toddlers don’t get that.
Anyway I’m sober. Because of naps, chocolate, and repeating podcasts. Thanks Belle.”
email from Smile 9 (day 89): “I listened to your interview with the yoga chap – I have to say I was quite surprised at the interview and it’s left me thinking about the ‘feeling’ it left me with – thought I would share some of it. I felt he didn’t listen to you and had his own agenda. He sounded commercial and ‘slick’ – made me realise why your message and style for me is so successful, because you are exactly not like that – he was annoying and lightweight and didn’t sound genuinely interested in you or your message – it left me feeling quite empty – and appreciate you more! Of course it could have been a different live experience for you and I may be mistaken but it was quite a strange listen. I was on a train and I was thinking life is the train and not the station. The bottom line for me with this sober lark is making a commitment – any sort of commitment – but a big commitment – ties in with accountability – not just with the sober journey but life and making changes…”
That made me smile “too bad the toddlers don’t get that” (as in stay away!) I used to find when mine were little like that , that the more I wanted them to leave me alone , the more they would cling! Almost like they sensed my frustration and anxiety and annoyance but desperately needed reassurance. Not easy being mum to little ones especially when feeling like crap.
I was also thinking about ongoing sobriety being like on a train. So true; it’s not about a destination, more like learning to adapt to a different life. I suppose I don’t see it as a commitment, more like a desire to make the best of it. I want to feel better so I stick with things that make me feel better. And I suppose the longer it goes on the more I don’t even want to drink again because I know it’ll wreck what lovely things I’ve got now. (And make worse anything that’s not good).
Strange thing this sober life. I’m certainly learning that it’s (for me anyway) about learning to connect to myself and to others in an honest and real way. And I don’t feel like I’m hiding anymore. And then the need to hide away in alcohol seems to disappear.
I, like Katana, listen to lots of podcasts to keep sober focus. Sometimes I listen to hear the message (and sometimes repeat it over and over again), and sometimes I don’t really hear the content, but I hear your voice, and that is enough to know I’m doing the right thing. Sober advice is just good life advice – I always feel more positive, more encouraged, more sure of my sober challenge every time I listen to a podcast. Thank you, Belle