you can wait and see, or you can fuck it up

this message was sent to subscribers on Thursday, March 28, 2019

from me: on this day, which is thursday, it is 11:40 a.m. and I haven’t gotten dressed yet. that’s not really news. I have physio this afternoon for my nearly-all-better-sore-back and so i’ll get dressed for that! husband is working from the home studio today and tomorrow, making some new Exit paintings, so that’s nice. at least he can make me coffee, in between interrupting me a zillion times.

there is nothing remarkable about this day.

it’s not warm. it’s not big blue skies. it’s a very middle-kind-of-day. it is absent of a headache, void of regret, and completely lacking in a hangover. i got my inbox to zero yesterday (something i do about once every 3 weeks), and i mailed out every bracelet order i have, including all the Not Today bracelets that were ordered yesterday & earlier this morning. done. all done.

i resist the idea of looking around for a PROJECT to fill the time. i resist the temptation to fill in all buffer spaces, all remnant edges, with SOMETHING PRESSING AND URGENT.

to feel caught up and even on a thursday morning? never happens.

you probably do this, too. reflexively, we do the equivalent of pouring paint on the floor (creating a chaotic must-do event) when things are quiet. we’re unused to calm. we’re used to feeling crummy, spinning too many plates. we think that we’re bored, when really, it’s just the absence of chaos.

i can sit with calm. i remember something i heard in university from my dorm roommate:  You can wait and see, or you can fuck it up. This seems like the perfect time to absorb the calm, and wait and see …


I’ll be giving away a $150 podcast bundle on Monday to
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new painting added today, this is #372
stay here, stay focussed. stay sober. stay true to you. stay here.
sober art thanks to mr.belle


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012