run or lasagne sauce?

from me: saturday is the one day i can sleep until i wake, which today meant 7:50 a.m. Then i’m lounging in bed, taking pictures of the blankets (!), planning to get up or have one more cup of decaf. I have catering groceries to do (or husband will), and then prep today for tomorrow. None of this is possible with a hangover. be awake after 9 hrs of solid sleep? not possible. lounge in bed planning to do this or that? not possible. cook for other people without heaving? not possible. write a sober email to you? wouldn’t be possible if i was still drinking. it’s like a door opens up, in my head, when i’m sober. a door to the REST OF MY LIFE. when we’re drinking, we’re stuck in one room, instead of living in the WHOLE HOUSE. nomsain?

so while it’s now 10:17 a.m. and i’m not dressed, and husband is playing the SAME riff on the guitar, i know he’s learning, but the repetition is going to kill me, and while i’m contemplating going for a RUN or going back to bed with the ipad, let it be said that i am NOT contemplating when is a good time to start drinking. i’m not trying to figure out should i make the lasagne sauce first and drink later? when is it too early to drink, noon?

when the booze is removed, that noise stops. now it’s … coffee or lasagne sauce? run or lasange sauce? poke my husband with a sharp skewer to make him switch songs or lasagne sauce? I pick the latter.


new STAY painting

And once you’re out of the booze elevator, you learn to rest and be present. Stay here. Stay focussed. Stay in the present. Stay sober. Stay true to you.
Art thanks to Mr.Belle, paintings done when he’s not torturing me with the guitar-playing.

This is painting #365 at the top of the page here.



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I haven’t been here in a while. As usual I see you are doing great work! I found you three years ago when I was thinking about quitting drinking. I read and made plans and prepared for the worst(actually the best but I just didn’t know it yet). I made the leap on May 18th 2016 and haven’t looked back. I haven’t had a drink or even had a white knuckler at all since the day I made the decision to quit. I was a lucky one. I had no idea what kind of alcoholic I was. All I knew was that I was a binge drinker three to four times a week because honestly who can drink twenty beers or two and a half bottles of wine or 3/4 of a bottle of vodka in an evening, and many times into the morning, go to work and then take a day off and do it again more than that many times a week? I actually quit drinking and smoking a pack a day that day. I kept putting it off because I was scared I was going to have wicked withdrawals. But most of all I was scared of failure. Online support like this to make a private journey was important to me. I knew So, I am here to encourage anyone to dream big and do it. So much love and positive thoughts going out to everyone and thanks Belle for this site!