from me: what my physiotherapist taught me today

from me:
today i had my 5th treatment for my sore back. you know, the sore back that i waited a YEAR to start the physio. the lovely new physio girl (Lucia) who is like 27 years old and from spain, told me it’d take 4 sessions to feel markedly better. she was right. I waited a YEAR. yes, it’s true.
how long do we walk around feeling crappy before we reach out for help? because we’re sure it’ll suck or won’t be solvable? and then we do, and it turns out to be solvable, and then we feel better, and then feel idiotic for not starting sooner? yeah. that.
lucia wanted to work on stretching today, apparently in the hospital in denmark where she worked before, they ONLY do stretching. no TENS machine, no manual manipulation, no massage.
(and i’m like ‘stretching? that never works…’).
i wasn’t properly dressed for this, though, and the small hole in my jeans tore wide open. nice. ass falling out of my pyjamas AND now out of my jeans. thankfully i was wearing a long coat so i could get home.
and as we’re doing the exercises, my wrists are quite sore. we have to adapt a few of the yoga ‘plank’ things to be more suitable for aged people like me.
she says “they’ll get stronger, your arms. everyone says the same thing. they always complain about their arms and wrists when they start yoga.”
oh you mean i’m not a special unique snowflake with unfixable wrists? you mean i’ll get better at it just like everyone gets better at it? oh you mean with accountability, i can be reminded (repeatedly) that i’m doing well, i’m progressing, and it’s moving in the right direction?
i apparently also need to go to see lucia twice a week to be reminded that things change. that we’re not stuck in a shitty place. we reach out, try something new, and our wrists get stronger. the ass comes out of our jeans. and the back pain stops.
we remove the booze, the shitty place we felt trapped in melts away, and we can begin to heal.
right. so that’s my morning so far… (oh and husband ‘stayed home from work this morning to clean the house and clean the windows’ which is his code for ‘needed to sleep in’ but he’s vacuuming right behind me now. bumping my chair. i’m not complaining.)


from my inbox:

email from M: “Hi Belle, I just want to say a big thank you to you for showing me the way forward regarding drinking alcohol. My wife saw an ad on facebook “Tired of thinking about drinking” and I said to myself yes that’s me, I am tired of thinking about drinking. Didn’t drink Monday to Wednesday but by Thursday the voice inside my head would say ‘you deserve a drink now, you have had a hard day at work’. I find it easier reading your blogs knowing that “the wolfie” voice is in other people’s heads, and not just mine. The 1 bottle of wine on a Thursday becomes a bottle of beer and a bottle of wine on Friday and by Sunday it’s 2 bottles of wine (one whilst preparing Sunday dinner and one to follow). Wolfie always thought this a good idea, even though sometimes on a Sunday morning I said to myself i am not drinking today, wolfie would always win. My wife and I have done dry January for the last few years but always started to drink again in February. This year I have gone 32 days without a drink … Saturdays are better without it (and the rest of the week) and I can get up on a Sunday morning and remember everything I did the night before. I remember the meal, the movie we watched, the conversation we had. You have been an inspiration and I want to thank you again, so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.”

email from S: “Hi Belle, thank you for sharing the ‘new subscribers’ emails, I too am one from the Facebook ad experiment. The time I received the link was perfect. I had been trying to moderate for years and failing terribly. my ‘bottoms’ were getting worse more destructive and where before they were only hurting me (so I thought). I had started to see they we hurting my family.  A conversation with my non-drinking 18 year old son who went to university in the summer, where over, dinner wine in hand, I was encouraging him to go out and drink in order to ‘make new friends’ (I can’t believe I was doing that now), and him saying to me ‘the main reason I don’t drink mum is because I’ve seen firsthand what it does to you’. Ouch! And then reading your book, has changed my life. It’s very early days I’m on day 38. I watch tv and see people drinking (all the time!) … but I try to remind myself that on tv they are drinking ribeana not wine and it’s wolfie talking to me so I tell him to piss off. I read your emails daily and listen to your podcasts. I have a journal too. Your message cards arrived in the post yesterday too and again were perfect timing. Thank you so much for showing me a way that isn’t too shameful (I’m still very disappointed that I let myself become so dependent on alcohol). Thank you for caring about people  so much to reach out in the way that you did with FB …”

Trirun (day 142): ” … I was surprised with how okay I was with being out to dinner with colleagues and not worry or be looking at the drinks. I really just did not care, in fact I was very proud on the inside and felt good that I was going home sober and without the guilt and effects of drinking. I wake up early and take in gorgeous sunrises and runs — and sunsets. I don’t worry about having to stop Or what to drink or how will I get to my hotel. I love that. For the first time in a long time I feel secure in me, and that makes me happy. Gourmet donut treat and coffee for me today, because I am happy. Truly happy that I made the decision to commit and stay in this sober place.”


new painting
Exit 349

because sometimes there’s no ‘exit’ sign. sometimes it’s a ‘way out’

ORIGINAL PAINTING #349. If booze is an elevator that only goes down, you get off and you stay off. find the way out. here is your visual reminder 🙂


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012