from my inbox:
AnnaK (day 3): “Belle, I drank last Saturday on day 7 of my renewed pledge. I’m not sure why I’m having a hard time staying on track this time around … oh, how I wish I hadn’t drank that night just over a month ago after 5 months sober …
I am still seeing a therapist and exploring this with her. I think I’m bored and trying to fit in with my current peer group. She agrees. I’m not sure what to do about this because I don’t necessarily want to get rid of all of my friends. As a single 37 year old woman with no children, I have found it difficult to find friends in similar circumstances who don’t drink socially every weekend (or more often). I got used to being the only one not drinking before and just have to do it again, I guess.”
me: I can reset you. I’m glad you’ve got someone to talk to about this. is your therapist a person in recovery too? if not you could add some of that kind of support as well. once I was about 6 weeks sober, I found it easier to socialize with people who were drinking. but to begin, I just felt too wobbly and so I spent more time doing solo things or sober things or daytime things with friends. you can get used to being the sober one again. just like you would if you were vegetarian. or training for a marathon. when we’re with friends, we’re all pursuing different things, on slightly different paths. we don’t merge with our friends. we’re still our individual (and best) selves.
AnnaK: “Your statements about each of us pursuing different things and paths, being individuals who don’t merge with our friends, in particular, resonated with me. It was a forehead-slap kind of realization — of course, we are all unique individuals! It is neither necessary nor desirable to pursue the same course as everyone else. I’d much rather focus on being my individual and best self anyway, which is only attainable when I avoid alcohol.”
LINKS: are you following me on Medium? i wrote about extending Dry January into February here . not drinking today . i have hope that in being sober, my life will continue to improve . the booze elevator only goes down . i have to open the door, get off, and stay off . or else there’s resentment