emergency tool: bed

things i know about me.

highly sensitive, i hear everything, my tags itch. i sleep badly. i get carsick. milk makes my stomach gurgly (that word isn’t spell-checking and i don’t know why). feel a lot of emotions strongly.

and i need ways to turn this off.

i need hard-and-fast, guaranteed ways to feel better. which requires a list of different things, because i can’t always ‘run’ when it’s 2 a.m.

but my short list is: run, watch tv in a dark room (must be dark) without distractions, make a jigsaw puzzle, play loud music (must be loud).

and go to bed. fully clothed if required.

bed is my favourite place to hide. it’s the place where I can either distance myself from STUFF, or i can actually sleep.

last night, in bed at 9:05 pm, read until 9:40, lights off, slept until 7:30 am this morning. yes i woke 3 times (once to see that husband wasn’t home from his show yet, once when he came to bed, and once when i was too hot …).

bed. do you know what my plan was for new year’s eve? the way I wanted to ring in the new year? it was to be IN BED (no phones, no laptop, no phone in the room at all – because, reasons) by 8 pm. yes. that was my goal. 8 pm. and i did it.

bed is a good place to hide. it’s a safe place. it’s a snuggle down and just rest place. even if you don’t sleep. but especially if you do.

what is the earliest you can go to bed tonight? i don’t mean “oh belle i can’t go to bed until the laundry, dishes, macrame planter is finished”), i mean as a one-time exception, what time can you go to bed tonight? what is the earliest?

so that you can turn off your head.



there is a short 59 second video tour of this painting at top of the page here.

Hope 14

Hope paintings are done by me (not mr. belle!)


Luckiest Jo: “I have just watched the Hope video. ( Hope 14) In this painting I love the red on the left and that’s what I’m drawn to , it says blood and to me signifies positive and negative, blood of life but also blood that’s lost and means death. In this painting the lines are like the cracks, cracks between what we show the world and what’s inside within us. “




I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012