annabelle is a lying cow

from my inbox

nyawa (day 354) (this is about podcast 022 called i heart chicks): “Belle, the metaphoric story you tell int he audio about your heart condition and the medication … is excellent. (thank goodness you are all better.) BTW, I was listening to this audio in the car on our recent long drive. and my 10 yr old daughter asked, ‘Mum, is Belle ok? Whats wrong with her heart?’ I had to explain you were fine now and this was recorded a while ago — but she was very concerned because she is a lovely empathetic girl who is following my sobriety journey with some interest now. I have made the decision to discuss parts of my relationship with alcohol with her in a watered down way, and also talk about other people in our family who have troubled relationships with alcohol, and this helps me to explain why I need to have treats and how I am self-soothing/ taking care of myself, so I don’t get upset or cranky. She told me a few months ago ‘well Im not drinking, Im just going to listen to that lady who swears all the time like you do’. Um, that would be you in the kitchen with me while I am making dinner, she knows your name now.”

~

Z: “Belle, please please send me a list of supports FREE AND UNDER £30. Thank you for your continued support, I’m so very grateful for your daily emails. I’m on day 297 but am finding it harder and harder to ignore wolfie. My wolfie is called Annabelle (after the possessed doll). she won’t stop telling me that it’s now ok to have one / two max glasses … she keeps telling me that I now have the ability to stop before I get drunk and my personality won’t change from an easy-going woman to a verbally aggressive bitch that hurts those I love.  But then I receive your email that tells me just what a lying cow Annabelle is and that I have to stop listening to her. I truly believe that without you I would be getting divorced, I would have lost my business and my children (even though they are adults) I may have even lost my life. I tried AA meetings for the first 4 months of my sobriety but even though I met some really nice people the meetings aren’t for me. So my family and I thank you Belle from the bottom of our hearts.”

~

MissesT (day 77): “Wondering if you have any podcasts or inspiration on how to move on from berating oneself for past alcohol misdemeanours and fuck ups. So many compromising situations, lost friendships and missed opportunities due to alcohol. Any magic formulas to come to terms with them and stop them popping up on my head? Or is it lying bastard Wolfie trying to get at me? I used to run through decades of drinking dramas and what could have beens during my 0300 nightly dates with Wolfie so perhaps it’s him trying to rattle my cage? In some respects the thoughts are helpful in that they are uncomfortable and remind me of how great it is to be free of adding to the list but will I ever forgive/move on?”

me: I do have audios on this specific subject. there’s a bundle … is it Got Guilt? (no, maybe it’s called Got Shame?). or maybe … maybe it’s about regret …


 

link

painting #310. you can see the future through the exit sign.
link

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012