I don’t think we can figure out why we’re drinking, why we’re over-drinking, while we’re still consuming. I think that in the time when we’re pouring booze on our head, it makes it impossible to figure out why. I hear second-hand reports of therapists saying, “we just need to figure out why you do this, what are you trying to self-medicate.” And I would say that you can’t figure that stuff out until you’ve been sober for a whileBecause really, in the beginning, just being sober is enough. It’s enough of a goal. It’s enough of a project. The excavation of what’s going on underneath can’t really be done while you’re over-consuming. Like how coherent, logical, rational,  open, observant are you when you’re over-drinking? It’s like asking the question, “why did I take alcohol to bed with me, like what was the point of drinking right before going to sleep?” And the answer is I could never have possibly figured that out while I was still drinking because it doesn’t make any sense, and it’s only afterwards, looking back on it, that we can start to figure out the meaning in some of these events. But we can only do that from a sober vantage point. [listen to this as an audio]

  • my video of the eiffel tower? you can watch it here, recorded from metro line 6 and then i walk around at Trocadero, and you can see Invalides, too.
  • then later that same day i did a second facebook live video, in the dark, facing the street, and i talk about feeling heard. it’s here. you don’t have to be on FB to view these videos.

new painting available
Exit painting #307 Sortie
(which is ‘exit’ in french)

exit the booze elevator. it only goes down. it’s time now. get off. stay off. get out of that shitty place as soon as you can.




I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012