from my inbox:

SusieQQQ (day 66):
“December 26th, I was on solo parent duty while my husband worked. I took the kids to see Mary Poppins Returns, which was better than I expected but also brought up unexpected grief around childhood memories. Then I did sister Christmas with the sister who lives nearby that I’m not terribly close to … and then had to go deal with my dad’s broken computer and figuring out his new living situation. So, by the time I got home at 5 pm with two reallllllllllly cranky kids, I was TAPPED OUT. When the idea of drinking flitted by quickly, I knew that it meant that overwhelm had hit so I just pulled up Amazon Restaurants on my phone (which I NEVER do) and ordered the most guilty pleasure meal I could think of for my husband and me (Thai noodles and crab rangoon) and scarfed it down. It’s so funny how I still need to read your mails every morning (like today’s) where YOU say that you are resting or doing “nothing” in order for me to give myself permission for ME to treat myself like this. When will I just realize I can give my own self permission? That letting myself off the hook for cooking or being perfect is the only way I will get past this hurdle and onto the next one…”

me: well I think that take-out thai food sounds lovely and a worthwhile treat. and maybe you’ll learn to give yourself permission as you go along. it’s a muscle you learn to use. for now you’re doing it, and it doesn’t matter if the reminder comes from an outside source. I still do this: I listen to ‘motivation’ kinds of audios to get my head straight sometimes.
you’re right, too, that being sober is the foundation for all the other ‘work’ you want to do. when you’re kinder to yourself, when you give yourself permission to take care of you, it’s WAY easier to take on other challenges. you need this foundation in boundaries, saying no, figuring out what you can and can’t do, and easing up on the push-push. it’s like sobriety 101 = self-care 101. and then you use all the things you’ve learned here to go out and take on the world 🙂 but you do this part first, solidly. you do this part with a solid concrete foundation. before you go building shit on top of it!


i asked you to send in pictures of fuzzy slippers as a reminder to take time for yourself when the hard things are over.

27th day of gifts. I have a $150 podcast bundle to give away today. the reason for this prize is because i need some help. i’ve been sharing the original sober art that Mr. Belle has been making for us on this page here. What’s missing at the top, though, is some sort of explanation as to what the page is for … you know, something like “Sometimes you need a visual reminder to get off the booze elevator” or “On this page you will find …. and why that’s important to being sober …”
I’m asking for a bit of ‘creative writing’ from you, but also something that will help to convey the emotions. It’s hard, right? it’s so hard that I need some help. I know that you might write something – a phrase or an idea – that will spark what I know I need it to say. Or you’ll write a paragraph that completely encapsulates the whole thing and i’ll use it as is. either way … go and have a look here, and then give me an example of some of the text that could go at the top. If you’re a PR/marketing/creative writing person this would be good for you. or maybe you’ve purchased a painting and so you know what it means to you … I’ll read through the ideas today and will pick one to receive the podcast bundle, so you can start off the new year with 50 audios ready to press play! ~ hugs, and thanks, from me

link to original art by mr.belle


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012