small notes about christmas (7-8)


oday is boxing day. it is a day to decompress. you might be travelling today. you might be lounging. you will still plan a sober treat, either way. you plan for a bath and then you TAKE a bath. it’s not just ‘maybe if there’s time – it’s “this is non-negotiable because being sober is more important than …” whatever else you’re doing 🙂 the reward for doing a hard thing, it can be as simple as a bath. so long as you then TAKE a bath. otherwise it’s just a promise you don’t keep. and you’re not doing that. no sir. not you. not this year. not today. you’re taking care of you. if you’re flying, then you’re planning for some special snack mid-flight. or you’re aiming for a 10 pm session of the Ellen special on netflix (ok, it’s funny in places, but i thought it was dull, but you know – dull might be just what you need, soothing in its dullness). plan and implement rewards and treats. non-negotiable. cuz you being sober is a big fucking deal. and you’re here. and you’re protecting it.

we need daily reminders that what we’re doing matters. we reach out for support AND we cheerlead for ourselves. we exit the booze elevator. this is exit 286. there is only one.



if you’re like me, then as soon as one thing is over, you’re already trying to fill the space. have you ever planned lunch while still eating breakfast? yeah, that’s me. I arrive post-christmas and think “i should go to culinary school in january, i should finish my novel, i should make every recipe in this book.” those are all my examples of thinking from the last 24 hrs.
as part of decompressing after big things, we need to remember that our heads take a while to un-tense. we sit there and think “i can’t just sit here I should be doing something.”
and then we sit some more.
   head: do this and this and this
   body: are you kidding me? i’m sitting on the couch, thank you very much.
while you and i are both familiar with push-push, there’s a time when it’s ok to take the lead from your ass as it sits on the couch. you might need this. you might need to do less. especially after a big thing. go for a walk? great. lounge on the couch? great.
sober? required.
so far today husband made 6 boxes for paintings sold over the weekend. he then took them to the post office, and bought us cream for coffee. i remain in my jammies. i did 3 hrs of emailing and then an hour of pastry-textbook-reading. i am contemplating going for a walk, but then my ass returns to the couch. where it just might stay.




I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012