a rant about thanksgiving and instagram

of all things we have to consider today, let us consider this. our well-being is dependent on us being sober, present, aware, coherent, available, alert. To numb out, on this journey, is to give up the ability to drive your own car. if life is a highway, and you’re on the highway somewhere between when you’re born and age 99, then you sit at the wheel of this car called life, and you drive. because it’s a gift to be here, doing this. it’s a gift to remove the numbing, compulsive depressant from our heads. life is weird enough with adding burdens. life is complex enough with the roof that needs to be replaced, and the mother in law’s illness (again).

this time of year can make you think that it’s not worth doing — what with all those images of happy thanksgiving people crowding your instagram feed. look at all of those tables in those wealthy, architecturally designed homes, loaded with food, people smiling. where’s the cigarette smoke? where’s the dog who eats styrofoam and pukes halfway through the meal? where’s the reality of choosing to be away from your family for holidays so that they don’t make you crazy(ier)? where’s the reality of the clutter, the stickiness of regular life?

oh they’ve got orange pumpkins and pinecones and sparking minilights on the table…

Great. But i call bullshit.

To numb out because you see images of bullshit, and you wonder why your life isn’t like that – THEIR life isn’t like that, either. it’s called window dressing. it’s called ‘look at how great my family seems, aren’t you jealous, but i must strive to live a life that everyone is jealous of, why does my life have no value unless other people are jealous …’

No thanks. Too exhausting.

and you? gonna numb out because of that? no sir. you’re driving this car, your life. and you’re not handing over the wheel to a negative voice inside your head. not today. not today.

and you can go right now and unfollow all the displays of fake glamour, ok? unfollow all the stuff doesn’t suit you. unsubscribe right now. don’t hang around the things that make you feel crummy.

not drinking today. not today.


shameless commercial link:
first mr.belle went and bought 20 little 2-inch canvases, tiny things. then they’re covered in a coat of gesso (white base), then the sides are painted black. the actual stripes of coloured paint, he added with his FINGERS because he couldn’t get the right effect with a brush (!). then they dry, are turned over, and signed on the back, then magnets are glued on. then they’re turned over again and varnished and left to dry. these two below are #22 and #23. there are 30 in total. i had no idea what they looked like, he only showed me two as a sample to begin. exit magnets. you put one on your fridge and it protects you from whatever might be inside. exit the booze elevator. even if there’s alcohol in your fridge. these will remind you. you’d better get two 🙂

link here.


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I know it isn’t real but it definitely is a challenging time. I feel assaulted by alcohol ads, buy a car for Christmas and the weird perfume ads. Am I missing something ? No I think not. Stuff and alcohol do not make the season brighter, just playing a super long game of monopoly with my family does.

  • Too right- it most certainly isn’t real life. And it’s easy to forget that when looking at all the polished pictures.
    And all these things are much easier to see after a period of not drinking.
    Learning to spot the good bits and being grateful for them and facing the tough bits a little at a time .