the part i never want to relive

This message was sent to subscribers by email october 18th.


day 1 stories:
the part i never want to relive”

from me: OK, i’ve been sharing day 1 stories, and giving away copies of the first year of the blog in collected PDF format. and yesterday’s winner already HAS a copy, so i’m going to share another story today and award the prize here. if you are NOT the winner, here’s a discount link you can use to get a copy.

Here’s story #5. If this is you, send me an email so i can send you the blog PDF 🙂

B: “I’ve never replied to an email before, I’ve been a kind of silent reader! This one piqued my interest though, as I haven’t really thought about day 1 since it happened. (Bit of background info – I’m 24 years old and I’m now 81 days sober).
My day one began with me waking up in hospital having been found passed out in the street. I had, the night before, turned up to a party in [city] that I was barely invited to (any reason to get out of the house and drink!) Anyway, long story short, my day one continued with me being discharged from the hospital, having to be held up by my dad because I still couldn’t walk. An hour later I was home in bed, dry retching and full of anxiety about how I even ended up on the street. I woke up at 7 pm that evening, and felt so scared and lost. I had lost my phone and pretty much my final shred of dignity.
I finally gathered the courage to face my parents, and they looked broken. One look at their faces and I felt like I had truly hit rock bottom. That’s the part of day 1 I never want to relive, seeing clearly for the first time the effect my drinking was having on everyone, not just selfish me.
The “tool” I would say I used was that I told my whole family and my closest friends that evening that the drinking had to stop. Mainly because I knew I would wake up the next day and want to carry on as normal. Having everyone around me know somehow made it impossible to go back on the promise I made myself.
Feels good to actually get that off my chest!
On another note, though I’ve been a silent reader of your emails they’re one of my most crucial tools nowadays. So thank you, truly, because you’ve definitely had an incredibly positive influence on my recovery.”


from my inbox:

moneyfortreats [penpal 2847]: “Tomorrow is Day 60. It’s a little surreal. Sounds rather impressive, I guess. I can’t believe how hard it was to make this decision and actually stop. I can’t believe how much I used to drink. The money and all the time — buying, consuming and thinking about when to drink, how much to drink, how much I drank, regretting the ingestion which turned into a definite feeling of illness and weakness in my body. Punishing myself in order to avoid the pain and disappointment life revealed to me.
Bought another candle. My place is going to be a fire hazard. Headline: “Raging Alkie Quits for health only to die in a blaze set off by Sober Treats 😝” [she’s on day 72 today]


KeysKathy (day 150) [penpal 2789]: “I think you rock and anyone who says otherwise is possessed. By Wolfie or another drunk demon. I still sit around at night and watch bad tv, but I am calmer and not driven to drink myself into oblivion.
Would you have thought six +years ago when you quit drinking that it would lead to this collaboration between you and your husband to do a good thing for so many people. Your words and his art are making a huge difference in so many peoples lives. What an inspiration to those of us (me) who cannot quite see where all of this will lead.


anonymous blog comment: “The only blog I’ve read that sells anything is this one.”


Dalai Mama (day 42) [penpal 7]: “Doing A-ok, thanks! I continue to be amazed at the depth of discomfort I have engaging with the world. Discomfort I drank to diminish, but obviously not an effective treatment. So, I am naked and defenseless against my anxiety and insecurities. No pain, no gain. I hope it will get easier.

me: do you think you are feeling better than on, say, day 5? like is the discomfort improving 1% per day or whatever? if you feel like it’s trending in the right direction, then you can wait a month and see how you feel. or do you think you have an underlying anxiety/depression-y thing going on.

DM: “I do think it’s better, the anxiety is a lifetime affliction but waking up with no hangover and eliminating the drinking thinking has absolutely helped 😊 I think it’s that thing, where you feel everything you have been avoiding feeling by drinking. In time I will get more used to managing the feelings and emotions that are there underneath everything, all the time.”

me: and at least we’re not adding booze to an existing underlying issue, which would only magnify the problems. and if you see an improvement at least, you know you’re going in the right direction. happy sober day today 🙂



small format art cards, 4″ x 6″, you can thanks, to yourself, for doing this sober thing. it’s a big deal. HERE.


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012