learn how to deal with being frustrated

This message was sent to subscribers by email september 20th.

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from me:

the best part of yesterday was the pancakes with bacon salt, bacon, maple syrup, one fried egg (i gave the other one away), and tiny coffee. then we went towel shopping which took 2 hrs (oh, let’s get sheets too!). did you know that towels in france aren’t the same size as in north america? do you know that once you’ve lived with your NA towels and hung your towel rack over the radiator, to buy different towels will not work in that space? do you know that once you decide to buy the wrong sized towels, because – hey, you live here now, time to adjust – they’ll tell you that there’s going to be a sale next week, so you put it all back and leave with nothing but photos of what to buy? thankfully, very kind helpful staff (yeah to BHV), yeah to telling us about the sale. and just about a large boo to the rest of my day. all of it. i wasn’t able to get the right info at the right time, from the right people, including paid staff, too many loose ends, and not enough treats! i went into the freezer last night looking for a treat and found some cherry ice cream and ate that 🙂 sorry husband. i know it was yours. today i think i’ll get flowers. because really. i’m still a bit all over the place, it can’t still be post-travel can it? how long does it take to recover from jetlag. oh you mean it takes longer than i think and since i’m not drinking, i have to do less and go with the flow a bit more! oh, now you tell me …

from my inbox:

Lee the Pea (day 61): “For me, it’s all encaptured in those oh-so-important words of yours: learn how to deal with being frustrated. Frustration heads for the hills the moment alcohol hits the bloodstream – which would be wonderful, except — frustration waits patiently for the bloodstream to empty again, and then comes charging back to town. Only thing is, it’s relaxing restful holiday in the hills has made Frustration stronger and louder and angrier (with a tan). You’ve helped me appreciate that, by choosing to be sober, you FORCE yourself to search your toolbox for other frustration-dealing-tools — and the golden thing is . . . . they are in there. OK, they are harder to find than all the booze bottles sitting on top of the box. But if you ignore them, if you dig down deep enough — they are there.”

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S: “I just quickly want to say; AA has 55,000 meetings in the US, making it a landslide most used. It is still the default treatment in both the UK and Australia. There are 1.2 million people going to these meetings in America. Can we please just or a minute, realise that AA has more than enough representation? I think it’s fine to give positive and negative 12 step feedback, but the alternatives for 12 Step Programs have barely any representation at all, while AA has been around for decades, and many people think it is the only way. I think both sides of the story need to be told, but shouldn’t this be whilst being aware of the fact that there is already a majority of people using the 12 step modicum? i know both work. This is just a thought.”

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coffeegirl (day 173): “Hi Belle: I am processing my “girl’s weekend” last weekend which was so hard for me. I am thinking about some tools that I can add in for myself next year for better self care. Here are some of my ideas. Let me know what you think or if you have any additional thoughts. I know it’s a year away but it’s really about radical self care for me. I was thinking I might do best sleeping alone in my own room (we often share queen sized beds). I could excuse myself early with a book and a cup of tea, go to bed in a space by myself to unwind (these weekends are so stimulating, that I often have trouble getting to sleep too) and start early, like 9pm. No staying up late with everyone. No sharing a room. I really need more self care and good sleep than I ever thought or was willing to acknowledge. I am a middle child of five and when I am in a group that drinks like that which fortunately is a rarity for me, it’s hard for me to extract me and focus on what I need. God. I am 60. One would wish I was better at just taking myself by the hand and going to bed safely by now, huh? thoughts?”

me: I’m a large fan of having my own space. I wouldn’t share a queen sized bed with anyone, except my husband, but if there are two beds available then we sleep separately unless it’s a king. I can’t do it. well, I can, but I hate my sleep and I hate my life. it’s ok to focus on you. and it’s about time 🙂

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Mr. N: “This is day 100 for me. I’ve always been a boozer and I’ve never tried to give up before. Indeed, I took 3 weeks off drinking for a diet about 10 years ago and thought I was doing terribly well indeed! … It’s gone really well. I’m enjoying being sober in many ways. However, Fridays nights can be tough. A little switch goes off in my head and it expects to be refreshed. Or maybe it expects to be numbed? I now don’t think about booze during the week. I have so much more time and I don’t have all the stress of thinking about booze. It’s like a weight has been lifted. I didn’t realise drinking was so stressful … But I wanted to thank you because so much of what you have said has been so true. You speak a bit like me I think and I can relate to you. I get it. You seem rather nice really. And you’re not boring me or telling me what to do or filling me with fear and you inspire me to look at the positives, the great things to look forward to when you ditch the bitch that is booze. Great work. People need you and thank goodness you’re doing what you’re doing. I’ll maybe even buy something soon. Kindest regards, N.”

STAY… once you’re out of the booze elevator,
you learn to rest and be present.
Stay here.
Stay focussed.
Stay in the present.
Stay sober.

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