stop worrying about other people overly and worry about MOI

This message was sent to subscribers by email while i was travelling, september 11th.


from me:

woke up monday morning in vermont, had gingerbread pancakes and eggs for bfast (thanks to andpops for this tip). drove 2 hrs north to montreal to say good-bye to inlaws, and had a nice visit with them, a ‘real’ visit where we talked about real-er things. there’s a language barrier there for me (french and all) sometimes our conversations are more surfacey but yesterday was more of the real stuff (about vacations, retirement, health, family). then we braved the montreal construction (oh. my. god.) and drove to the airport arriving 4 hrs early for our flight. for reasons. so that i could work from there, so that we could eat and not inconvenience his family in asking them to feed us. i had my last tim horton’s club sandwich (they’ve changed the recipe, i won’t have another). i posted a painting from the airport. i tried to find a private lounge thing where you could sit at a desk and pay by the hour but they were all full with real members. i’m just a drop-in girl, not really looking the part of someone suited for a business lounge anyway. so we sat at the maple coffee place on the departure level and i answered emails for a bit since i hadn’t done much in vermont what with all the pancake eating that was required. on the flight itself, i worked on emails between bouts of holding on for dear life, paid for one hour of wifi so that i could SEND all the emails i’d written, watched about 40 minutes of the Mr. Rogers movie (husband watched 3 movies!), dozed for 20 minutes, held on for dear life again, and landed at 9:30 am local time after having been up for 24 hrs. now we’re home, showered, fed, 4-hr-napped, have woke feeling like death, and back at it 🙂 Mr. is at the dining table cutting boxes. I’m here, doing this. we will have frozen meals for dinner, or maybe order delivery hamburgers.
things i learned about tools and having enough of them: plan for connectivity (don’t rely on being able to find wifi, it’s never there when you need it), plan for contingency (when the thing doesn’t work, what’s the next thing), plan for a business lounge so that you can sit at a non-sticky table and type without having everyone looking at your screen (well, maybe it just felt that way). and have more frozen food on-hand for the re-entry so that we don’t have to scramble (plan to have treats, make it easier, do the things, make it easier).
buy data, have access to a business lounge? make it easier. find sober support, listen to the audios you’ve downloaded, read the emails you’ve signed up for – make it easier 🙂
oh, and your bed? it’s a really nice place! nothing better than your own bed after a road trip. or at any other time, in fact. and the coffee tastes better at home! when you make it yourself.


my inbox this morning:

peewit (day 617): “Something about your emails lately is really touching me, so much so I’m sat here with tears in my eyes. I feel like I’m seeing you more clearly, connecting with you and, to be honest — actually starting to trust you. Which has been really really hard for me. Until now, with all these ‘shares’, these moving little glimpses of your days, all this is heart opening for me and I FEEL you belle! And you run, but you’re scared to hike? Love that! The things we feel confident about are so specific, there’s so many lessons learnt from just reading the examples you’ve given on this trip. Big hugs, really big warm tight ones! Peewit xxxxxx”


barbs (day 42): “Hi belle not checked in for a good while but I’m STILL HERE and listening binge-ing-ly to podcasts xx great stuff. I am the person who is sensitive to light, itchy labels, hot pillows, bright lights EVERYTHING. Just listening to [your podcast about] overwhelm — it helps to realise the solution is self-care. So obvious, but I’ve been slow! Stop worrying about other people overly and worry about MOI 😘 I LOVE ignatian spirituality and you talk about beautifully when you talk about reviewing your day.   Possibly you didn’t realise that a lot of your wisdom is ignatian which makes me laugh at the beauty of the ancient wisdom. You’ve tapped in and it’s wonderful to hear it in an unrelated secular situation xx
Hope your holiday is gorgeous.”

[from me: so then i had to look this up, cuz i have no idea what Ignatian spirituality is … the aim is to help one ‘conquer oneself and to regulate one’s life in such a way that no decision is made under the influence of any inordinate attachment.’]


Lottie (day 42): I hope you had a good trip home and are safely back or nearly back by now. I am very very grateful to be legitimately sick and able to take time off work, put my out of office message on and tell everyone to F off in polite corporate language for a few days. We can take 3 days without a doctor’s note so I will take tomorrow as well. I don’t even feel a bit guilty, my job is shitty at the moment and a break is welcome. I do feel pretty crap, but not so crap I can’t drink coffee and watch Breaking Bad. The cleaner is here making my bathrooms shine and my floors sparkle while I lie here. I am rereading some parts of your book and the parts on being sensitive, overwhelm and “everything else is Wolfie” are so, so helpful. I see that you mention Day 42 as when we start to feel braver and stop hiding at home. That sounds good but I am happy to hide out here just a little longer.”


Debz: “Day 39 for me. I did the alcohol experiment 30 days from Annie Grace. And it became routine to read the daily message and video which she sent for 30 days. That stopped. And now I realize I was looking forward for your traveling mails in the morning! Sorry your holiday is over. Have a nice flight back to France. And I also always look forward to see the new painting of mr.B. I like most of them (with contrasting colors the most, darker for the down side of elevator and more bright for the sober live). It inspires me, maybe i will paint too if I am more soberstable. I still didn’t sign up for pen pal because it is a little to much amount for me to pay now. (I have to pay other things so prioritize…). Anyway, I am trying to do it without it but I really really appreciate your every day emails!!!”


MindfulMe (day 308): “big stuff that disrupts our life has a tail. after shocks, smaller than the first earthquake, but still disruptive. I feel like its over because the initial problem is solved, its a brief false relief, because there is a mess of shit still to go…”

me: I hope the aftershocks from this have eased now, though I think it would be typical for wolfie to leap from this stress to creating a new ‘problem’ that needs to be solved. so be careful in the next week or so to go very easy on yourself. no new projects. no big expectations. no harsh words to yourself. just be sober. and rest. that’s enough for now.

MM: “Thank you for this. Those are the pieces of advice that I love and need to hear. Speak kind to yourself. So big. Aftershocks have calmed. further apart now…”



kitkatpaddywack (day 1333): “I love your travel adventures. East coast fall weather should have been more lovely for you. Maybe you [got] a lovely weekend! … I must admit, I’ve been a bit jealous of Mr. B’s art finding an audience. Indeed I should flip that around to INSPIRED. I am an artist wanna be. I’ve done some painting and have some visions for a show or a book. I’m just too hard in my self critiques and don’t let anyone see my art. Well that won’t take it anywhere. In due time. And maybe an art class to build my confidence. This last piece was gorgeous – and I see a figure approaching the exit sign. Intended? Give my kudos to Mr. B for having fun expressing himself and being bold to put it out into the world.”

me: I talked about your email with mrB, the idea that someone was jealous of him was an eye-opener to him. what we don’t share is his career struggles as an artist for the last 7 years and what it took for him to get to this place. it’s too tempting to look at a ‘result’ and think that there wasn’t 7 years of work to get there 🙂 le hugs le hugs

if booze is an elevator that only goes down, you can step off now. find the exit. get off and stay off.
original painting #91 here today.



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012