I wanted to share this full-length episode from the archived podcasts. It’s called “Community” (SP231) and it’s about an hour long!
why does online sober support work? and how does it work … like, what is it about having a community of sober people that helps us to feel not so alone.
Well wrap yourself in a blanket, and come listen to this audio. I talk about community (on my site, and in general), and then we start talking about the politician Anthony Weiner and some difficulties he’s had with sexting.
What’s the relationship between sexting and over-drinking? He’s clearly a very smart guy. Funny, self-deprecating, with a voice in his head that says …
Well, you can listen to the audio and find out.
The reason for sharing this today, is so that over the next 48 hrs, if you need a bit sober community, you can dip in here for 10 minutes at a time, and soak up some support 🙂
[ link removed ]
after you listen, post a comment and tell me what phrase from this audio is an a-ha moment for you. Something that you’ve maybe heard before, but today you REALLY heard it. Loud and clear.
Download the Community audio here ($4.99)
Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).
show notes / podcasts mentioned:
- Orchids & Dandelions Part 1, and Part 2
- Lindsay Lohan and Oprah, here
- Link to be a podcast subscriber, here
- Empathy for Addiction, here
comments from listeners:
T: “Sober Community, particularly the online kind, works for me because I don’t feel like I fit in the rooms of AA but I can’t do this on my own but people without a Wolfie voice can’t support me because they don’t get it. That is why I podcasts and websites like yours and the others I use are vital tools to help me have that sober community. Thank you so much Belle for all you do :)”
J: “I think you talking about how you run your thing explains why it works; another forum soberistas didn’t really work. I struggled with posting as I cared too much about replies and posts can be alienating.”
Day 32- I’m a lurker, this audio , today touched some raw bits…there are tears, shame, regret… Especially around my son, I’ve been a single parent 10 years now, he’s 20 and a Beautiful human being. He hated me drinking and I used every excuse you said in this audio.
I’m having to do the emotions now , for real, not with bottles of alcohol poured on pretend emotions. But I’m grateful! It’s like I’ve just woke up after 30 years of over drinking. ( ok, I woke in the middle of a pandemic! But that’s actually bringing it’s benefits in some strange ways) I never want another day one, today I thought about whether I could have just one drink, because it’s sunny, I could sit in the garden, to celebrate this this this and this. I was quickly able to remember.., just before I stopped.. I was just pouring poison down my throat, barely swallowing, not tasting, just trying to get to oblivion as quick as I could, losing hours, losing sunsets and sunrises, missing everything grow around me. This Audio is exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the perfect moment.
My ah ha moment was when you said how awful it must be to realise that your repeated rapid resetting means that you are physically addicted and need to go into rehab and you want to quit but can’t do it on my own any more. That’s a humdinger if a reality check.
I loved when you spoke about empathy for addicts. Made me think and realize those folks I see down and out hear the same wolfie voice I do. I have a family member recovering from drug addiction, now I have more empathy for how that happens. 🙏🏼
I think my ah ha moment is hearing how difficult is must be for my family and friends, mostly family, to see me hurting myself, not being supportive, judging, etc… The reason this bothers me so is because they all have their own additions, mostly being 100 lbs overweight. Why is their addiction ok but mine is worthy of criticism and judgment? Is it just because my problem changes my behavior? I think being overweight your whole life and losing the weight only to always gain it back also changes ones behavior! You don’t like yourself, just as much as the person who is drinking and ashamed of themself. I’m the outcast, I’m the bad seed, always have been and that’s hard to take!
Btw, I am going to buy the subscriptions to your podcasts. I’m well aware of how much money I spent drinking and that is why since the beginning of this year, when I quit Jan 2, I arranged to have $50 taken out of my acct and put into a savings every week. I also joined Cafe RE, $24 a month and now I will have your podcast, which I haven’t listened to but I know they will be of great benefit to me!
My slip in Feb was because I got some pretty bad news about my health. I may have CMT disease, google it, and I’m now wearing braces on my legs. I see a neurologist this coming Wed so I hope to get more info and some answers on what I can do to feel better. I have been in severe chronic pain for years, because of other health problems as well, 3 back surgeries. I’ve never wanted to take pain killers, the side affects weren’t worth it, the wine definitely helped. I’m also going to see a therapist, I have a lot of issues to work through. I’ll write more later…
You are not so especially defective that it’s only you who finds it hard to quit drinking.
What we have in common is the voice in our head which tells us drinking is a good idea when it isn’t.
I can’t pick one thing that stands out for me! Hmmm…
I never thought I was alone with my problems, I was too aware that alcohol caused many many issues… but I FELT ALONE. Knowing and Feeling somehow don’t always connect in our Wolfie-voice heads!
Then there is the bargaining with the multiple attempts at sobriety… because of the difficulty of quitting and the kindness I received along the way, I do look at the world with so much more empathy… so many good wishes and silent prayers. Mostly though, I’ve developed empathy for myself… as you pointed out!
Community… I’m grateful for this community. I wish none of us needed it, but unfortunately I absolutely do… so it’s such a wonderful thing for me. Maybe it’s not magic, but it is magic that I found it and you Belle!
“Even if all these things smoothed out, your brain would invent reasons to drink. It would create chaos” – that is just a perfect description of the nonsensical way a Wolfie brain works! Winding yourself up, taking things personally, overcomplicating. And it’s why accountability is so helpful, in imagining replaying these “reasons” back if you did lapse.