This is an audio clip from Sober Podcast #213 sent to sober podcast members.
There are tools available for us, to help us to be sober, it’s just that we don’t like them, and we don’t want to use them.
I’d have to say that a good indicator of the probability of success that you will be long-term sober, is an openness to try things that are against what your brain thinks is a good idea.
To get you started, you can listen to this clip from the audio, and then you can add your comments below. My blog allows anonymous comments.
If you’d like to listen to the whole thing, you can use the link to download at the bottom of the post.
If I were to suggest to you that you email me 3-4 times a day, what would wolfie say to you to explain why you CAN’T do it?
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(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).
Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a present funded by the Sober Good Works donations.
Why would you want to read my email when I’m not a pen pal yet. That’s what plays in my mind.
the question was more to address that when people are penpals with me, they’re often hesitant to email at all, let alone 3-4 times a day 🙂
Wolfie says “You’re bothering Belle. Belle needs people who can afford to shop at her store. She doesn’t want to deal with hangers in like you.”
my Wolfie says—she’s too busy to hear from you. You don’t matter now, she has others she’s moved on and so should you. Stop being clingy. That’s what my W says.
It doesn’t feel like it, but I guess it is Wolfie that tells me I’m “cured” – this is easy now – I don’t need to email Belle anymore. 🙂
Funny! I was thinking about drinking all day yesterday. I finally said to myself at 6 pm what is it that I really need. I decided I was tired and hungry. Went got something to eat and went to bed early. Glad I made it another day.
When I first started the sober jumpstart class and you told me to email all those times, at first it seemed ok, then the voice started telling me “this is stupid”, “does Belle even care about all these emails with just the word ‘sober’ in it…taking up all that space in her inbox?” Yep she does. I’m on day 96 now and I’m happy to email the word “sober”
Nailed it. Boy, did I fight it in the beginning – and then I kept having to reset. I think, for me, it was me being stubborn. I could do this myself, I don’t need classes, or emails, or anything else. I will just not drink. I don’t need treats. I don’t need anything because I have WILL POWER!!! I’m not sure when exactly the shift came, but it came nonetheless. On my 180th day I bought myself a very nice expensive pair of jeans. My partner commented so I told him they were my 180 day jeans. He made some comment like “you get to buy a presents?”, and I said “Yes I do!!!!”. And in between the jeans and a couple other pricier things there’s been a lot of little things; coffees, muffins, lotsa books, etc. I don’t email every day (anymore) but I do whenever I feel the need. And I have felt that way too – Belle has a lot of people, and a job etc., and she’s too busy. But that is definitely Wolfie. When I went to the Vancouver meet up, I felt very insecure, very “less than” the other people there. They had “bigger” jobs; they were all professionals. I felt so insecure (even though I liked every one of them, and you were amazing!); and then I realized later – THAT was Wolfie too. “You’re not good enough, so you’d better have a drink because you’ll never be like those women”. I’m still struggling with that in ALL areas of life.. because Wolfie isn’t just urging us to drink, he’s urging us to feel less than, to feel insecure, to feel like we NEED him, when all we really need is let others in to help us and to do some good, regular, self care.
Yep, it does make a difference to email daily. Even one word. Sober. I need to keep doing this so wolfie stays quiet! Thanks for the reminder.
Wolfie would say that I should be able to handle this on my own…that is just too much…won’t make a difference…I’ll be bugging Belle….why would emailing make a difference?…..seems excessive….Belle will get sick of me….it will seem like i’m really needy…..what is wrong with me that i can’t do this alone…..and on and on and on..
Belle’s inbox will be overflowing.
I fought against emailing you 4 times a day for a few months and kept resetting. Wolfie told me that I didn’t need that kind of accountability…it wouldn’t help…it wouldn’t work for me. Finally, I gave in to your very kind repeated suggestion that I “email 4 times a day…no matter what”. This is the final tool that helped me to be sober. I’ve emailed four times every day for 26 days and have finally quieted the Wolfie voice in my head. Thank you so much for suggesting this over and over until I finally listened!
When you suggested that option to me wolfie was REALLY loud in shaming and criticising me… “everyone else manages without needing their hand held” that kind of thinking. Luckily belle had been repeating the ’email me 4 times a day’ message and also had a great ‘out of office line’ about keeping emailing, yes really you’re not bothering me message that I had finally taken on board and could shut wolfie up with. And emailing worked every single time I needed to add in more support, it really shut wolfie up, and is a big part of why I am at day 540 odd now. I learnt to trust that belle and others were right, and that wolfie wasn’t ?
This is such a helpful post to hear from people like you Katiemay. To see that you are such a long way into your sobriety because you stuck to trusting Belle and not Wolfie. It makes the beginning of this journey far less daunting!
I love it!!
Definately the what am I going to say? How does it work? When would I email? How can it help? Joined the jumpstart July 2106 and still stuck:(. Haven’t committed to the 100 days. Afraid of commitment, accountability but hate the cycle.
the person you’d ask “how does it work?” would be me. when would you email? how about 9 am, 1 pm, 5 pm, 9 pm. how can it help? you could try it for 30 days and see. if what you’ve been trying isn’t working, you could try something new. you won’t know how it works until you do it. hugs
If you were to suggest that I email you 3-4 times a day (or once a day like I’ve agreed to do), the voice in my head that wants me to drink…wants me to give up everything (including my life) for booze says…”I’m pathetic for having to punch in to a “sober clock”. I should suck it up and just “be” sober without having to report it. I am weak. I am being a baby. I am annoying to myself, so I most certainly will be annoying to Belle”.
When I wasn’t consistently sober, the voice said…”you’re technically sober right this minute so now you can send a note claiming to be so, without being a liar”. The other days, I would remain silent. That was when I would be sober for a week, 4 days, 8…
And sometimes, even now that I have 150 days (consistently with no lies or bends in truth!)…I (wolfie) simply “forgets” that I was supposed to check in with you. I’m just oh-so busy, right?
If I can remember to put on deodorant…then I sure as hell can remember to email one word: Sober.
I technically have forgotten to put on deodorant a few times. But not often. And now there are these fancy little deodorant wipes I can carry in your purse or car. Kinda like my cell phone that is always attached to me and has email features with your email address readily populating my New Message “To ” field…
Ok ok ok I’ll start emailing more! Bug June
Wolfe thinks he has all the answers, thinks he knows everything about you. What an ass! Reminds me of my ex-husband.
185 days, and this past week I’ve heard that “Just a couple?” voice pop up again. Time to break out the tools and treats….
My Wolfie would say : “It’s not worth it. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but come on, 3 or 4 times a DAY? That’s huge. You’re gonna repeat yourself, you’re gonna say the same thing over and over again and she’ll eventually get bored. Your thoughts and doubts are not that interesting, you’re not gonna waste her time! She’s got other people to help, you can’t be that selfish, it’s not right. What about those poor souls (who are WAY more lost than you are)? They need help too! They might die if they don’t get help right now! Instead of reading your stupid message, she could be reading another one and save someone, literally!”
Mostly, I would think “I don’t want to bother her!” Or “she’ll never respond to all of those emails anyway, so why bother?”
I did send two email yesterday, though, so…
The “I don’t want to bother her” occurs frequently in my head too 🙂
My drinking voice tells me that you and other “sober” supports that I have found online are extreme and have/had more of a drinking problem that I have. “Wolfie” tries to turn me against the supports that are helping me.The last time I went through a week of allowing myself to drink, I was simultaneously avoiding sober podcasts and other sober supports. And I ended up with the worst emotional hangover that I can remember. When I am listening to sober support every day, I am reminded why I don’t want to drink…and I don’t drink. Its quite effective. As you have said, and I am learning, sober support needs to be a daily input. I just started listening to your 1-minute messages; have purchased a bundle of your podcasts. Thank you.
I think it’s important to remember that we have choices.. we used to think that we ” had to drink, I didn’t have any control”
Why that may be true once we begin and our hypothetical nonexistent off button is gone, we do have a choice to open up our sober toolbox and find one that will work in a given situation.
For me drinking is simply not an option, so I divert my energy to what is.
Thanks for this.. Day 315 today ?
No excuses not to emal….
Boy, did you ever call Wolfie out! Not only does he tell me I can’t email/read blogs/do sober stuff, he’s the voice that tells me I can’t try anything new. He really is the negativity committee meeting in my head.
I do not want surgery down the road! Good metaphor… 🙂
My Wolfie would say, “E-mail three times a day??!! What would you have to say in all of those emails? What are you going to do, just whine about how hard this is? No one wants to hear that!” See how Wolfie just ignores the fact that you suggested that I email three times a day. Wolfie is a mean, manipulative d-bag. It is perfectly ok to ignore him!
I was getting lazy with my treats… i forgot I still deserve them 🙂 Thanks!!
I love your voice! Thanks Belle 🙂
My drinking voice tells me to go back to being “normal” i.e. have a few drinks, it’ll be fine.
As soon as I hear that line I’m emailing you Belle. For as long as it takes x
This time I will try something different. And not just for the first week.