big chunk of yesterday’s live audio (limited time)

i don’t normally do this.
in fact, i don’t think i’ve ever done it before…

yesterday i recorded a 2.5 hr live call. it’ll eventually be chunked up and sent out to podcast subscribers.

one thing subscribers get as a bonus is the UNEDITED version of the audios.

and you.
you’ve maybe never heard the unedited version.
and there’s something about the missteps, the fumbling around, the swearing, the reading of the comments, that makes the whole recording seem much more REAL.

so today…

(and i haven’t done this before)

but today
i have posted a large hefty morsel of yesterday’s live call. and i’m going to leave it up for 24 hrs only.

that’ll mean you can listen right now, in 10 minute increments if you must.
and so if you were unable to join us live yesterday, you can get some of that ‘group’ feeling today.

and also.
it’ll give you 1.5 podcasts, live, as they were being recorded.
you can post a comment about being a snake or a starfish …


link has been removed.


out of fairness to podcast subscribers, i’ll leave this up for only 24 hrs.
le hugs from le me



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(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I echo Llama’s thanks in putting up the broadcast as I could not listen live either. I listened yesterday… what a gift to us! I have been both a snake and starfish. You know a snake only presents as a snake, but it does shed it’s skin as it grows. I have shed several different skins (and personas) – but as a starfish I have also re-grown several different arms (that drinking one especially). Our health care providers only know what we tell them, and it is so important to tell them the truth. I think we don’t because we know what they will say!

    Day 33. In it for the long haul.

  • Hi Belle, I tuned in late, so was very pleased to hear this. I wish I had taken notes, so much wisdom. So much Belle stuff. 🙂

    • Since I can’t edit, I’ll just add. I have always been a starfish. I knew I had mental health problems for quite a while (clinical depression) So self medicating was a natural part of the problem. One thing I had always done right was telling therapists about most of my problems, the only thing I wasn’t honest about until I got scared was exactly how much I drank. I am surprised none of them put it together. the loneliness when my husband worked nights, the job I loathed, my mother’s lengthy alzheimer’s illness and eventual death, troubles with my daughters and concerns about drinking. One was finally listening, but then I wasn’t ready to listen. Funny how stubborn we can be.

  • Thank you for the gift of posting this podcast after the fact. I could not listen yesterday, so i listened this morning. I have definetly been a snake to doctors in the past, my general physician and a heart doctor and probably even to the alternative doctors i have seen. I am seeing a therapist now whom i am letting it all out there, everything…..and it feels good and i am hopeful to make some progress on my complex self. I am generally pretty open to friends while sharing what is going on for me, but not to the doctors i have asked for help from. Thanks again. llama

  • I find everything in the audio very interesting and highly likely true and everything makes sense. As a former corporate slave, I love the ‘sprinkler’ metaphor. I would just say, QUIT! and then face the consequences… of being unemployed and staying dry. I like spending time with you visible and me invisible. Today I had to rush my 21 year old to the hospital due to binge drinking leading to pancreatitis. Wow. What a reminder of how important it is to set a better example. Which I am now, but I did not while he was young. My bad. My good nowadays.

  • I am a giant [snake]. When I was in therapy, I used to lie to my therapist to try to be good at therapy. Sometimes I am such a [snake]that I don’t even realize it. Up until recently, I have truly thought that I didn’t start drinking until I was in my 20s. Then, weirdly, out of the blue one day this week, I remembered that my dad started letting me have daiquiris or wine coolers when I was young – maybe 10? It wasn’t often (divorced parents, didn’t see him much), but strange all the same.

  • Loved it!! First time listening to a podcast ever…and I am going on 4 years of sobriety in Oct…but things are happening in my life that I have never experienced before (tough stuff) and sobriety is becoming more of a fight! This will help me IM SURE!
    Thanks again Belle?

  • I got this a day too late. My daughter just broke up with her fiancé and wants to date someone new. I explained to her not a good idea. She told me she was going to do what she wanted and I was being condescending. Completely devastated me and I decided to drink. Big mistake back at day 2. I need to learn that what others think, feel and say doesn’t and shouldn’t affect my sobriety.

  • About a year ago I went to the doctor intending to speak with him about my drinking problem. Instead I burst into tears and told him I’ve been feeling depressed and angry but never mentioned the booze. When he asked about my drinking I, of course, lied. He prescribed meds that I didn’t take because, wait for it…..i was worried about the damage to my liver. At day 72 continuous, this time, I can shake may head at this. Definitely a snake move.

  • I’m guessing I’d be a snake if I actually went to a doctor or therapist, but I don’t do either. Signing up for the sober jumpstart and having you as a penal is the only way I’ve really reached out for help. And honestly I’m not really sure what I should be talking about in those emails, except if I’m sober or not, and things I’m learning along the way. Your not my therapist your my sober coach, so I keep it pretty minimal, is that being a snake?
    Thank you for posting this audio, I was only able to tune into the last 45 minutes yesterday. There’s alot of new perspectives for me to think about.