originally sent this out as today’s micro-email, but i am (surprisingly) getting a lot of responses, so i’m going to re-post it here, so i can share the responses with you.
when our brain is overwhelmed, the short answer to “is this forever” is to say: do it for now. for some fixed length of time. for 100 days. for a year. then reassess.
we start off on a goal. things happen as we go on. we never end up quite where we think we’re going. life’s like that.
but if we don’t have a goal then we’re not moving.
and if we’re not moving, then we’re waiting to move. and then we feel like happiness is something ‘we just don’t have access to’ (I read that in my inbox twice this week from two people on day 0).
yesterday i found out some holy-good-news about me having a bakery here, that makes my original timeline of that dream move from ‘some time later’ to maybe within 2 years.
so as of yesterday afternoon, i mentally moved down that path (to open a bakery). because enough with the sitting and waiting to move. (enough with waiting to be sober, time to head off in that direction and see what happens when you get to 100 days.)
and now i’d like to use this space to ask the universe for what i’d like. i know it won’t arrive quite like this, in this exact format. but i’m heading in this direction to see what happens. because sitting still with no plan is not an option (whether you’re talking about a bakery or quitting drinking).
dear universe, i’d like to be sober long-term. ongoing. i’d like to move job #1 from the diverse stuff i’m doing to just be doing page layout for books for print, annual reports, documents.
dear universe, i’d like to be sober long-term. ongoing. i’d like to have my catering go in a new direction that will eventually lead to having a storefront. not just delivery but actually seeing and interacting with clients. i need some face-to-face work in my life.
dear universe, i’d like to be sober long-term. ongoing. i’d like to continue doing the empathic work of emailing sober penpals, writing, recording audios, and doing sober meetups.
i need a combination of competency (desktop publishing), feeding people face-to-face, and empathic sober stuff.
to focus on any one of these to the exclusion of others would be suffocating (to me, this is me writing about me, your mileage will vary).
i share this thinking, because i continue to bristle when people mention that the sober stuff seems to be my primary job now or that it’s my empire or my destiny or my legacy or my business. whereas i feel that it’s part of who i am. being sober is the part that LETS me be other things. it’s the foundation on which i build other things. it’s the thing that allows me to even fantasize about a storefront.
for me, to go down the rabbit hole of “sober is my life, it’s my business, it’s who i am, i’m the poster child for sober, i talk and write sober” is a bit narcissistic. (that’s just me. other people do it (successfully?) but i think it’s inauthentic. to say “i got sober then i turned it into a business” just sounds shallow and weird to me.)
I’m sober so i turn it into a business? no. I’m sober so i use it to grow and build the kind of life that i want to have. and that live includes emailing and listening and writing in the sober world 🙂 and it includes other stuff too.
(the critic will say: but maybe it’s easier to earn $ selling audios than selling dutch apple pie with two kinds of apples and a lard/butter crust photographed on a blue check dishtowel. maybe. it’s not about what’s easy. it’s about what’s authentic to me.)
transparency. when we share the real stuff and have the real conversations.
So here’s the sunday question of the day. what are you sober FOR? what can you do / be / have in your life that you can only do if sober?
What is your sober = bakery?
transparency? here’s the pie.
hugs from me
i’m using tiny gift button donations today to go to the expensive catering place across town that is doing things that i admire. i’m going to eat a bunch of his food. and i’m going to ask him about doing a ‘stage’ with him (like an internship, but short). i have $70 to spend today (63€) which is a ton. thank you. really. it’s a big deal.