“i believe in moderation”

email from ashley: 

“Belle, what if I don’t think [that drink] was wolfie? I guess I feel confused. I haven’t had any drinks since that night because I really haven’t wanted one accept last night. But I forgot and didn’t have one. I guess I feel like I believe in moderation. Since I’ve been going without the social lubricant for so long, I no longer feel like I even need alcohol. Does this make sense? I know I have issues with moderation, alcohol got me into a nasty place about 6 months ago. And I was abusing it, using it in the wrong ways. Now I don’t need it like that. I’ve found other ways to relieve stress, a hot bath, hot tea, a walk. Stuff like that. I’m probably just rambling now i don’t know. Not really sure what to make sense of it. But wondering this as well. Why does a lot of situations have to be so black and white. I feel like this is grey.”

me: I think that the voice in our head does like to suggest that moderation is a good idea. ‘it‘ll be different this time’ it says. ‘you quit for a while so you’re fine now.’

the thing is, we all hear the same voice in our head. we hear the same ideas. and maybe NOW you dont need alcohol like that – for now. for right now. if you arrived in a crappy place before, you may well end up in a crappy place again, and then find it very hard to get sober momentum again. sober momentum is a hard thing to get.

there is grey. there are lots of people standing with one foot in both drinking and sobriety. or they switch between the sober and the drinking camp. the only ones I know who are happy about their decision, and wake up happy for the decisions they’re making on a daily basis, are those who are now sober. I‘ve been penpals with 2,494 people as of today (who’s gonna be 2500?). I wish I could tell you otherwise, that the over-drinkers wake up every day pleased with the decision to drink the night before, but I can’t. and I know it sucks rocks. and I know that your brain throws a tantrum right around now. you hate me right this second. well, not you, wolfie. you’re here asking for sober support. wolfie is something else entirely.

I know that lots of people do many sessions of ‘alcohol research’. you’ve done some before. hopefully you won’t do more now. but you might. we want to think that outcome of drinking will be different ‘this time’ – but it‘s a bit like a shitty boyfriend who makes that ever-tearful promise to CHANGE. “I won’t hit you this time,” he says.

but he does. he will. maybe not the first day. but it’s there.

and yes, it totally makes sense that the voice in your head sounds sweeter than this. any voice that’s saying “you should drink” is wolfie. nobody needs to drink. for any reason, ever. and normal drinkers dont have a voice convincing them that a few drinks here and there will be ok. so yes, it is wolfie. i’m sorry. wolfie hates it when i say that, too. you’re like “it’s not wolfie dammit” and i’m like: that’s what wolfie looks like …

sweet pea, your original place is here, with a sober penpal. you’re member 2133. that’s your sober suite. there’s a nice view and you wake up every day relieved that you didn’t drink yesterday. and it never gets old.

anytime you want to shout, I‘m here.
hugs from me


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I’m new to this. Day 3/4 it’s all forgotten all the promises to myself all the sh*t it caused everything I’ve reminded myself of the very morning I wake up hanging and full of dread. But day 3 … well day 3 I’m okay again and it’ll be different this time. I lost my mum at 7 to drink driving and my dad at 15 due to drink. If life hasn’t shown me every possible reason NOT to consume alcohol then what chance have support groups really got…. whilst might I add days 1 2 & 3(am) you’re emails and podcasts are so relatable, when appropriate, amusing and honest … but day 3/4 amie forgets that … and I don’t understand why. Because I swear when I make these promises and intend on doing the right thing I really do, I do mean it.

    Sorry to be miss new and negative … last thing you “100+ days” people want to hear.. but a genuine well done to you guys and Belle on your work

    Signing off and shutting up,

    UK Amie

    • my lovely, if you’re having a harder time getting past day 3/4 then you might do better with a bit more support. it’s not so much about trying ‘harder’, more about trying ‘different’ … i have some ideas if you send me an email > tiredofdrinking@gmail.com hugs from me

  • Wrangling with Wolfie. It is so like leaving an abusive partner. I did that once. For all the times he said he’d change, he betrayed me. He felt so real, so secure at times. I was drawn to what he could be, not to what he was.
    That draw was so powerful it played tricks on my memory. I couldn’t easily recall or put my finger on why I was leaving him and believed I could fix him. It’s a bit like that with Wolfie. After a few days without him, you want to reach out for that stress relieving comfort and you believe that it is real. You forget the harm. That first buzz doesn’t last. It turns on you until you wake up the next morning, broken and ashamed. Again.
    I left my husband 13 years ago finally one morning when I woke up. The lie he was, etched upon my face in the form of 2 black eyes. No one could argue with my decision or say I was letting him down. I took those marks and marched with firm feet the hell away from him and his family, taking mine with me. I stayed away. Moderation of him was not an option. I carved out a new me.
    Moderation is not an option. Trying to be sober is like carving oneself – a diamond out of rock. There cannot be any remnants of rock around the diamond for it to be able to be set into a beautiful piece of Jewelry called Life
    Moderation is not an option. This is my new mantra.
    Moderation is not an option.

  • I spent 8 years trying to moderate and guess what? It didn’t work! I am almost 2 years sober and I know and accept that I just cannot moderate. It’s that simple! Being and staying sober is so much better.

    Don’t do it – every story I have read about moderation has the same end result – you go back to the way you used to drink and start the cycle all over again.

  • This came at the right time. As I close in on 100 days, I’ve been thinking “what happens next?”

  • Based on the number of comments here already it’s clear that this topic is a hot one – one that many have pondered, tested and realised that if you have the wolfie voice in your head, it generally doesn’t change. Bucket of slime, slippery and incredibly sneaky.

    I started out 4 years ago exploring sobriety, with countless restarts and dismissal of the idea that I can’t moderate. “Anything is possible in life, and that includes moderation” is my very rational, intelligent wolfie voice. As someone said above, I’ve NEVER been a moderate drinker, so why would this change?

    Seriously, I have done EVERYTHING from neurofeedback therapy, psychotherapy, life coaching, energy work, meditation, medication, nutritional coaching, online groups… and BELLE. I’m clear that I cannot moderate and that the wolfie voice will tell me I can, repeatedly. So often, that I really think it’s me. Finally I am learning that this internal dialogue is 100% a wolfie ploy to switch my brain back to drinking, even though I know (the real me) it’s not going to benefit me in any way, and in fact holds me back from feeling like anything is possible in life.

    Belle’s wisdom and experience is the number 1 source of sober coaching that actually works for me. Yes, I have other sources, but the pillar and glue is here. So, stay here. 🙂

  • If we could drink moderately, we would have done that already, right? Be honest with yourself — how many times did you say to yourself, “I won’t drink tonight” or “I’ll just have one” and then wind up drinking too much? For me, the answer is somewhere around eleventy billion times.

  • I think that because you (and by that I mean me too) have found other ways to relieve stress Wolfie goes ‘there you go, now you don’t need a drink as a stress reliever you can moderate. ‘ But the reality is that the only reason you have found other stress relievers is because you stopped drinking. The only reason you think you can moderate is because you realise you don’t need alcohol , and Wolfie translates that as ‘I can do moderation now’ The reality is that if you had a drink Wolfie would be back all the time, if you weren’t an occasional drink person then you won’t be now. And the chances are you wouldn’t be using all the other stress relievers, you would just be drinking. Drinking isn’t a stress reliever. Initially when stressed I would want a drink, now I wonder how stressed I was ( sometimes there was a lot of stress) and how much was me getting stressed as an excuse to drink, as well as drinking causing stress.
    I don’t know what day you are on, I’m on 191 and had a very stressful situation recently, I didn’t want to drink, I couldn’t think of anything worse than not being fully present to deal with it. Over time, the thought of drinking in any situation becomes a seconds thought and you can dismiss it, and you need to do that not dwell on it either, by thinking about moderation you’re giving Wolfie/ the drink now voice more power.

  • I love my sober life. LOVE it. My life before was getting pretty miserable and sloppy. I’m not willing to risk my new life for a few drinks that could tip me down a dark hole again.

    SoberSeasideSally (430 days, 370ish of them happy! :))

  • I totally agree with you belle. When you get in a bad situation as a result of drinking to much, you can easily tell wolfie to do one. But after a few days of feeling good, that little voice comes back. But you shouldn’t listen. I am determined never to listen to wolfie again.

  • Their is no moderation for me…I’m on day 11 again…my day one this time almost killed me…and my Mom who picked up the pieces sadlybshe had to see that….I will never have another day one…I don’t want one drink, I want them all…and I’ll be damned if that damn wolfie ever screws with me again…plus itbdoesnt taste as good as a nice cordial with sparkling water…if I don’t get drunk I see no point…NO point…please don’t try it!!!

  • Oh boy do I hear this convincing voice often just lately…. thinking I’ll be fine now …and how could I ever end up where I was , drinking every day for years without being able to go more than the occasional day without. After (16 months?) sober it’s easy to think I’ll be fine now.
    How could I ever end up like that again.
    But so right…someone without a wolfie voice would not think that a bottle of wine or 2 strong beers will erase all the problems of the day…. nobody in their rational mind would even consider it!
    So I guess that’s my gauge…, I still have something faulty up there in my head! And I suppose I have to concede it’s the wolfie voice 😤😏
    It does help to read emails like this one. Guess I’m not alone . But I also get frustrated because surely after all this time I’m “cured “ 😳😉

  • I am on day 7 so I am still in fear of anything alcohol related coming near me. I do have a party in a few weeks that will be alcohol saturated, but luckily not all will be there to get wasted so I will gravitate towards them. I am excited to be sober since historically I am always the drunk one. I even passed out at a party once with these folks…embarrassing. Anyway, I know for me that the path back to the darkness is so much shorter than the one that got me to the point I needed to just stop. Scary.

    • Hi Jennifer you sound similar to me.. I’m on day 20.. and I also have a party next weekend .. everyone will be drinking but me.. I’m normally first to turn up.. last to leave..after having drank the place dry… and trying to patch the memories of the night before embarrassingly back together. I hope you get on ok and it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this.

  • Day 284…I couldn’t moderate for decades, don’t fuck with it is the best advice you’ll ever get… its downhill with each successive immersion to the booze!

  • I can’t even entertain the idea of being one foot in and one foot out of sobriety. I didn’t have a low bottom from the outside but on the inside I was ruined. My Day 1 was 447 days ago and I don’t ever want to go back there. I know that if I have just one it will eventually lead me back to a bottle of wine or more a night which abuses my body, mind and spirit and just isn’t worth it. Everything is so much easier when it’s not an option.

  • This has been a timely reality check. I’m at day 29 after about 10 years of false starts. I was feeling super strong, everything I blamed on menopause was vanishing (poor sleep, crazy moods, spare tire, joint pain). But two back to back social events have really challenged me. The problem wasn’t that I really wanted a drink, it was that I felt disconnected from my friends who were drinking heavily. I actually felt quite bored and managed to get away as early as I reasonably could. So of course Wolfie kicked in telling me that without drinking I’ll never have fun again and I would become isolated from my friends. The reality is that I usually regret my behaviour in these social situations and the vast majority of my drinking was at home alone. Still, it’s shaken my resolve and I’m grateful for everyones posts. Sober reading definitely helps!

    • I get that feeling of isolation from drinkers at parties too. You’re right when you say it’s boring. Because the only entertainment provided for drinkers by drinkers is alcohol. Leaving early is fine because anyone who stays is drinking and won’t remember that we left anyway. Dancing Rabbit x

    • Good for you! Day 29!
      I’d try to skip some of the parties/ events…. I went through the same menopause symptoms but I know that the drinking made it so much worse. I’m 8 months now and I couldn’t be happier! You go girl!

  • Reading all the above has been a really good wake up call for me. I’ve been 123 days sober, after a glitch (a disappearing bottle of cooking sherry, after 90 days) and I’ve begun to start to feel “grey” – enjoying my sobriety, far enough away from Day One to forget what a terrible place I had got to after years of trying to give up, cut down, moderate, whatever, and each time ending up at the same place even quicker than before – first time it took weeks, but then it was days, and then I pretty much gave up until I found Belle and something clicked. So I had a nightcap, I’d found a bottle of kirsch or something. I enjoyed the burn. The next night I had another. Just the one. The next evening, I came back to the house and everyone was drinking pastis aperitifs, and I said I’d Iike one. I watched him pouring the pastis like a hawk, saw myself willing him to fill it right up, let’s not bother adding any water. Then we sat down to dinner, I drank water at first, until someone offered me a glass of wine. Just the one. Only I was helping with the washing up, and ‘tidying up’ the unfinished glasses of wine. Wanting more. And I could see it so clearly, all coming back, that drift into a drink every night, a bottle of my own, all the time. A nip in the morning, just to take the edge off. And suddenly it wasn’t grey any more, it was very, very black, and I don’t really want that, at all. And it’s such a quiet voice, ‘just the one’, ‘just a glass with dinner’, ‘just a whisky, for old time’s sake’, and it doesn’t sound dangerous, but it’s deadly.

  • A wise woman once said to me when I was wondering if I drink too much, “is alcohol a beverage, or is it something else.” That made it crystal for me, didn’t make me stop drinking for years, but it never made me stop thinking either. That’s how I think of moderation (or the fallacy that you can control that Wolfie–you can’t,he is made out of chaos and he wants you to be part of his chaos) if alcohol is more than a beverage to you, moderation will not work: one drink and its a water slide to chaos. . Moderation is about control and gloved white knuckle fist. We are not after control, we are after freedom. People who don’t think twice about not having a second drink are not struggling with moderation, they just don’t want a second drink. It’s a beverage. I want to not drink because of what all the sober people say about how their lives are better without the booze. Just that, it’s something I can do for myself, take every moment the situation arises to say, no thank you (hell no in my head) and move gradually and in the best way I can to freedom. Many days….

  • I am so grateful for this post and for all your comments!!!! So glad I am not alone in this broken thinking. I am one of those all or nothing gals as well!
    I have been drinking on and off for 26 years, I have always known my relationship with alcohol is screwed up. I always end up wanting “more”! Moderation is a pipe dream! Boy have I tried! 2 long stretches of sobriety in my twenties, many 30-60 days alcohol free each year, and over 100 days sober this year. Wolfie got the best of me on day 111, the sun was shining, just one glass, blah blah blah …. I immediately regretted it!!! Tasted like shit! Made me feel numb and disconnected! I didn’t like it! Next day felt like shit and asked for Day one again… and DRANK that night! It is madness, completely illogical !!! Restarting is bitch!

    For those of you with sober momentum , as Belle says: ” Don’t fuck with it!!” It is not worth it! Wolfie is a liar!

    Day 5 now, adding more support, not looking back!

  • I,m at day 115 booze free…. but, Wolfie keeps knocking on my door. How long does it take for him to get the message? I can’t moderate, believe me I have tried. 20 years of trying before I admitted I couldn’t do it. Wolfie is so bloody cunning. I even started breathalysing myself before getting in my car (which was never before lunchtime), normal moderate drinking… how did I ever believe that bullshit! One day at a time, but he is like a boomerang that keeps coming back. I have so much independence since I gave up my dependence. Thank you all for your honesty and inspiration. Xx

    • sometimes we need a bit more in the way of tools or supports. things to bang him on the head with! audios help. accountability helps. some kind of support to help you reframe the wolfie messages helps, too 🙂 hugs

  • I agree with the above. I’m an all in kind of gal. There is no point to drinking 1 or 2 because it just makes you want 6 or 8. Plus it makes you feel like shit for days. If I’m going to drink, I”m going all in. Moderation. I used to believe it was possible. I tried it for like a year and a half and all I did was plan and plot until the next time I could drink. Who has time for that? If you just don’t do it, you control it—-end of story.

  • Great subject.
    I have come to the realization that I don’t want or like to moderate.
    It’s like a form of torture, oh I’m going to stop at 2…yeah right.
    If I’m going to drink, I’m going to drink a lot, otherwise what’s the point.
    I’m an All or nothing kinda girl.
    I’ve been Alcohol free for 8 1/2 months.
    I’m amazed how it keeps getting better and better.
    I’m keeping Wolfie caged, when he rears his head, I’m ready for him.
    His kryptonite ? All sorts of mocktails or club/ tonic waters.

  • I’m not a person who moderates anything very well- I’m all guns blazing or nothing at all. To do anything moderately requires a lot of effort and energy…. to think I could try to drink “sensibly” is a nice idea until I think of how my life was 6 months ago- where even a day without alcohol was virtually impossible.
    No thanks …

    • Totally agree….I have that compulsion in several areas…. I’m all of nothing…. It took me almost a year to get 30 days back under my belt…. Don’t want to jeopardize it!

  • I am 50 days sober today. I have thought a lot about moderation and whether I have signed up to do this forever…I am still not at the point I can see past a few days at a time. But when I think about going out and having one beer…just one…I think “Why the hell would I want to do that ?” I want to have 6. Which is why I got here in the first place! Can’t believe I am at 50 days!!!! Thanks for the post!

  • I was sober for 8 years, and then decided one day to listen to Wolfie, “Obviously, I could moderate if I could be alcohol free for 8 years,” he whispered. And so it began, and now it’s been 8 more years of drinking too much with the resulting vicious hangovers mixed with the self-loathing and remorse, and many attempts at moderation, one, two, three drinks, that worked….for a while. But as Belle can attest, trying to be sober this time is MUCH harder, I’ve had MANY Day 1’s this time. I hope moderation works for some, but as for me….well, if I can be a lesson to keep anyone from suffering, I hope to serve a painful example of how moderation just doesn’t work for some of us. Life is just easier and oh so much sweeter on this side 🙂

    • So this weekend I had a conversation with my husband about moderation. I asked him this question–“Once I get past my 100 day’s do you think it would be wise for me to drink occasionally again?” I already knew what I thought was the answer…NO! But, I wanted to see where his head was. He said something that I think goes with this string of thoughts…he said” If you even have the possibility in your head that it could go back to the way it was and that nightmare. Then the answer is no—it’s not worth it.” I was SO relieved! Because in my own mind I thought—I don’t ever want to drink again. Moderation just doesn’t work. And I told him–it’s so much easier for me to just not drink. Moderation is such a pain in the ass—all the planning all the worry all the thinking. If I just don’t drink then I don’t drink. That feels so much easier. So much cleaner and freeing. And I told him how hard it would be to stop again if i started and that’s scary to me. And really—Wolfie doesn’t want us to moderate. He want’s us to jump back into the bottle with not life vest. I was drowning—feel great to be on dry land. 🙂

  • Moderation simply doesn’t work. I’ve spent 25 years trying to moderate. After 2.5 years sober I was sure I could moderate, it took one month before I was back to being a drunken fool. DON’T DO IT…. it never ends well and you’re right Belle, getting that momentum back takes a painfully long time. Xx

  • Eon’s ago I had a boyfriend that cheated on me EVERY chance he got. Then he’d cry, say never again, take me back. That’s how alcohol talks to me. This time I promise, no hangovers, no black outs, no risky behavior, no embarrassing behavior. You can be sure I’ll just make you happy, good times! Well, I finally got it through my dumbass head that he was a fucking liar and he would never change.

  • I know I can’t moderate – the only time i could, was in the very beginning. That was really nice. A very nice time. But this time is very long ago. And it’s over. Like the first love. Like university. Like so many other things in my life. And it’s a bit sad but I have experienced, that there are so many more first times waiting for me. New exciting things. So way always cling to these old days when you could drink in a ‘good way’? It’s such a long time ago. It’s over. Say goodbye. You can remember it but you should really keep it where it belongs – in the past.

  • I understand where Ashley is coming from. Like me, she has broken the ridiculous, pathetic cycle of needing to drink every day for every reason possible. And instead she has learned to replace that nagging Wolfie voice with other acts, such as a bath or cup of tea. I guess that’s when you think to yourself, that your drinking is not toxic like it used to be and that you are now in a grey area. It doesn’t have to be so black and white anymore. However, to me personally, I think that moderation works only for the fortunate few. Like my rotten husband who can drink one day then never drink again for a year and it doesn’t bother him. And I guess I feel in a grey area too. I don’t run for the booze for every different scenario. But am I capable of moderation? Is it even worth testing the waters only to end up drowning in booze? Will I “experiment” when my hundred days is up?

  • I got to day one hundred and forty something last year before Wolfie got me with the moderation bullshit talk. I thought it would be different, that I had proved I could manage without. So six months later I was drinking at the same rate it had taken me nine years to escalate to before. It was a fast decline. I still had a high bottom, no one else ever thought I had a problem but I knew.
    I wish I had listened to those longer term sobers who said don’t do it, but it seems I had to try it for myself. And guess what, I was just like everyone else here! Not a moderator 🙂
    So glad to be on day 184 now! And this time I am accepting that I can’t do moderation. In a way it’s made it easier, like this time I’m not doing the sober but also tired of thinking about moderation. This time I am just sober, keeping sober momentum, lining those sober rewards up, and savouring this life.

  • I’m on day 8 and still haven’t let go of the fantasy of moderation … but I am starting to suspect that once we are tired of thinking about drinking, we will *always* be tired of thinking about drinking. There’s just part of our brain that will always be thinking of drinking? I’m exhausted thinking about that!

  • Enjoyed reading this. Tried the moderation route and guess what it didn’t work LOL so for now not drinking is the best fit. Day 15 and loving it! My car is staying put and in the correct lane 🙂

  • Day 40 here and was contemplating moderating today – until I read this. I love this post. Thank you! I am going to go put my F*ck You Wolfie bracelet on from you, even though I stayed home sick today & have my pjs on already (still). Silver looks good with yoga pants and a hoodie. 🙂 and I am going to go make hot tea and listen to more sober podcasts. Oh! And Elizabeth Vargas was on The View today & I also watched her 30 min Live dialogue on FB. I needed her today and I needed you guys.

  • Moderate? I don’t think so…Does that mean hiding booze in your purse just in case you need more at a party and drinking it in the bathroom? Does that mean driving through the park to recycle bottles in their bin so nobody would see them in mine? Does that mean forgetting entire conversations and your daughter coming down the stairs all dressed up and saying “Ready to go, Mom?” when you have no idea where we are going? Does that mean checking my phone in the morning to see what drunk text I sent the night before? Moderation didn’t work for me. I thought I was moderating but looking back I recognize the craziness of thinking I could control my drinking. Day 480 today and my life could not be better. Who knew??

    • This was me! Day 1,421 today and couldn’t be happier with my sober life. No way I could moderate. I get anxious just thinking about it. Maybe one or two in the beginning but inch by inch I would get back to my miserable life and all those horrible things to worry about. I have freedom from lies and deceit that was my normal way of relating to loved ones. I have so much fun and adventure without drinking. Thank you, Belle, for being such a wonderful support to my sober life.

  • I believe in moderation as well. For normies. There is no moderation in this alcoholics brain 🙂 And that’s okay. No alcohol for me!

  • I used to believe in moderation. I spent lots of energy working on moderation. The planning to drink, the sneaking the drink at a party where I was moderately drinking. The fudge factor. It’s all the same. Moderation seems to me as another in a long line of drunk justification. Because moderation works then it doesn’t but we try again because we really “can” do this moderation. Right? I believed in it. I encouraged it. Said anyone could do it. I was really, really in denial. Ok, so here’s another way to look at it— what do we get out of it? All the glamour of alcohol– because it’s so glamorous and it’s so helpful to any situation? Why all that effort? all the effort for moderation, for moderation! It’s not worth it. Really, really.

    • I was sober 242 days and decided I would moderate. It doesn’t work first it’s a few drinks then back to every night very quickly. Seeing the disappointment in my grown girls eyes was enough to say enough is enough! Back to day 7 and know that there is no grey. I am an all or nothing kind of gal. So I choose sober.

  • Great post. That voice can be so reasonable and so seductive. It’s hard to accept that it’s working against our best interests. I’m on Day 45. That voice is a liar no matter what it is saying.

  • HI Belle! I love this post. I have a hot bottom…(I mean a high bottom 😉 I quit for a long, long time. I started drinking again. I was able to moderate for a long time…I thought that I nailed it. Booze is sneaky. I ended up drinking every night…not too much, but enough that I felt guilty, and sometimes a little hungover. I asked for my spot back…I drank that day…I asked for my spot back…it’s only been three days, but it’s better. I promise…Don’t give up your sober momentum…promise

  • Thanks Belle and others
    There is no grey zone here. I’m still at the beginning of my journey, where wolfie consume all my thoughts. That urge after day one to day 100 will never change when you have that first glass again, moderation is not in my vocabulary.
    So, I will stay here in the black and white zone where I know its safer

  • Belle, I sent you an email something like this in 2015. I this I said something like, “I don’t want to be an all or nothing person.”

    And then I drank again in 2016. Just like dating that abusive boyfriend, I was getting sucked back into the vortex. And, for what ever reason, I got a rare glimpse into the future. There is no where to go with this relationship with booze, but back to hell. No growth potential expect in bad outcomes.

    I kicked the old boyfriend (wolfie) in the teeth and ran and I am not looking back. I can not drink safely again. Not ever.

  • People that are able to achieve moderation do not think about it, they just do, they are not aware that they are drinking in moderation because that is just the way they drink all the time. I cannot do moderation, I think about it sometimes, I think maybe after all this time I could have just one drink…I never had just one drink in my entire life…Sober is easier, who said we had to drink alcoholic beverages anyway? I have friends that never drink, never did, nobody looks at them funny, I’m the only one who could not understand why they were not drinking come to think of it 🙂

    • Realizing I can’t moderate is much harder than realizing I can’t drink. I can’t drink has moments of being powerful in that thought. I can’t moderate makes me feel weak and sad. I’ll go for powerful and hangover free!

  • I call my version of Wolfie The Wine Bitch (because I love wolves 😉 )
    I tried moderation for years. I kept on not moderating. The only time I have managed to stay sober for a consistent length of time is by not drinking. That is the only time the blasted internal monologue from the Wine Bitch in my head shut up. And yes it had a very sweet voice a lot of the time, And yes it is JUST like an abusive boyfriend swearing ” it will be different this time” Erm no, it really really will not be any different. It never, ever is.
    Fuck off Wine Bitch I see you out of the corner of my eye! I am watching out for you 🙂

    • I love this post as well. Ironic,I call my version of Wolfie the Beer Bitch, lol.
      The Beer Bitch is just that a conniving little bitch who so innocently would tell me, ” it’s just beer”
      Yeah, ok.. and the volume of beer isn’t an issue??
      One leads to the next and the next.. and then the Bitch is back in my life.. nope it will never ” be different ”
      Bye Bitch !