it’s not all about me

it’s not all about me.

before i make a list of all the ways he’s changed, i can make my own list. top five things i’ve stopped doing in the last 10 years. shaving my legs twice a week. getting my eyebrows done at the salon. making dinner 5 nights a week. packing his lunch. wearing lingerie.

it’s not all about me.

before i get irritated that nobody told me, i can take stock of the reality. not everyone wants an audience when they’re dying. it might have been sudden(er) than it seems. they weren’t thinking of how to exclude me. i haven’t spoken to them for a year. i’m not as close a friend as i thought i was. maybe they were more important to me than i was to them. maybe they didn’t think about me at all, maybe they were dealing with him dying and didn’t send out invitations for everyone to come visit.

it’s not all about me.

those people with their whining child. my god that child cries all the time. we don’t raise them like that in canada. in france they let their kids cry. a lot. often. for hours. even if the neighbours are disturbed, no one says anything. that child isn’t crying on purpose, intending to drive me crazy. her parents don’t know that i have to get up at 5 a.m. to do the baking. (and then when i do get up to make the sandwiches i’m standing in the spare room, which is above their bedroom, so they hear me, i’m sure. no one says anything.)

it’s not all about me. these things are not being done to me. i have a role to play. i sort out my part – all of it – before i start to wonder what’s up with you (or him, or them).




I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Reminds me of a quote by Bernard Bailey: “When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.” I’ve certainly been guilty of this.

  • Yes. Love this post Belle, so easy to put myself at the centre of the universe when I feel left out. Need to only make it all about me when working on my needs, and self soothing. Otherwise it’s just other people doing their stuff xx

  • I love this. When I get irritated but then remind myself of the truth/reality, it actually makes me feel better – more at peace. No one wants to feel like they are getting the short end of the stick, but if they can find a way to see things from someone else’s perspective, it may just help restore balance.

  • Yes, I get it. Things are irritating. My granddaughters cry and scream. They are kids. It bugs me. But I don’t reach for a drink. I deal with it. Things are not put back in the same place. I have to search around. It is annoying. But it is ok. I will survive..sober