from my inbox:
JenniferKay: “I settled down last night. I ran 45 minutes this morning; I bought a huge coffee; I’m feeling better. I think there is some panicking because I know that I’m not going to drink, and I’m stuck with dealing with wanting to drink, and when I’m in the midst of it, it’s really…debilitating…is that too dramatic…it’s exhausting…it’s all I can think about…I was trying to talk to my husband, and he really doesn’t understand…it’s not his fault, of course, but Jesus…someone please do this for me!!! He said that I seem more miserable without drinking than I did when I was drinking…thanks honey!!!…
It’s interesting to me that I can read into anything. For example, when I don’t think that I have a problem, I see the line that says…if you’re not sure, you probably don’t have a problem. When I think I do have a problem, I see the line that says…if you suspect you have a problem, you probably do. Then, I read sober blogs about people who decide to go back to drinking, and I think I was like them, I could go back and drink and forget this ever happened. Then, I read sober blogs that talk about the greatness of sobriety, and I think I can stick with it and see how great it is, and be one of those reverse cool people who is very chic and doesn’t drink.
So this journey…uggghhh…or…awesome…depending on the moment/second!!! xoxo”
me: you know you’re not going to drink and so you panic that you might have a feeling. and you do have feelings. and it’s not that interesting. you have a feeling and then they fade out. the dramatic stuff will be short-lived and not very often. and those people on sober blogs who go back to drinking? I don’t know of any one – not one person – who successfully moderated afterwards. they usually regret the decision, restart later, change their name and restart their blogs, email me for a new day 1, and/or just disappear because they’re embarrassed … I literally get hundreds of emails – god, I got one today that said: “I was sober for 13 years, had ‘a glass of wine’ and it took me 11 years to get a new day 1.” these are the real stories. the rest is wolfie window dressing.
you can choose which sober blogs you read. people who are happily sober. or people who listening to wolfie and trying to rationalize their behaviour. hugs.
JenniferKay: “Is it wrong to love you??? Not in a creepy way, I love you. You make me laugh, and you point out things in a way that I cannot see them. Seriously, I need a t-shirt that says…What would Belle do? in a super cute font.”