anonymous forgiveness

FOR ONE DAY ONLY, i have created an Anonymous Forgiveness space. why today? because i want to let myself off the hook for something, and i know that depending on how i phrase it, it’ll reach someone else too.

So here’s the deal.

  1. Post a comment below.

  2. For this to work you MUST leave your name and your email and your website address BLANK in the comments form (if you forget, i’ll go in and delete that info manually). all comments are to be anonymous.  one of the comments will be from me, you just won’t know which one.

  3. I have no way of personally knowing who posts what. Promise.

  4. In your comment, write two or three sentences (max.) about something that you would like to forgive yourself for, for something you did, or said, or thought, because of alcohol. When you write the comment, phrase it like this: “I forgive you for …” Then later, you can read it again and suck in the goodness, AND someone ELSE can read it and get the goodness too.  For example, i’ll make one up. Let’s say you waited too long to go the doctor because you were afraid to admit how much you  drank.  So then as your comment, you’d write: “I forgive you for waiting too long to go to the doctor. Drinking made you scared.” OR “I know you didn’t mean to … and I forgive you for …”

  5. Then take a second and post an anonymous ‘reply’ to one of the other comments already posted, and say something lovely and kind.

PS. if your name/email automatically shows up when you start to enter a comment, you can manually delete them OR you can ‘log out’ of your blogging profile.

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I forgive you for binge drinking, missing work because you were too hungover, and drunk driving countless times. I forgive you for letting your feelings of worthlessness and loneliness drive you to drink. I forgive you and you are good enough.

  • I forgive you for lying to your friends and family when you were drinking because you were so full of shame. I forgive you for not showing up for people when you were drunk or hung over and for missing so many opportunities. I forgive you for not valuing the precious gift of life.

  • I forgive you for cutting while drinking. I know you drank to numb and cut to feel pain. You were a mixed up sad girl and being sober keeps you unmixed up.

  • I forgive you for ignoring your child and putting him on an iPad and keeping him Up late so you could binge drink all night . I forgive you for drinking on medicine you weren’t supposed to . I forgive you for missing church because of drinking .

  • I forgive you for putting your baby’s future at risk by drinking while pregnant and breastfeeding. I forgive you for each school concert where you arrived drunk or hungover, for not even being able to enjoy the show starring the loves of your life without your crutch. I forgive you for EVERY precious minute you wished away so you could be alone to finish off your bottle, screaming the kids to bed. I forgive you for flirting with the idea of leaving your marriage and family so you could be free to drink and party. I forgive you for the lies, the manipulation, the anger to protect your drink. I forgive you for the times you hurt yourself because you needed to feel something more intensely painful than the despair of addiction. I forgive you for allowing men to make you feel cheap and worthless in your youth. I forgive you for trying and failing so, so many times. I forgive you a million times over, because I know the pain….I know the shame…I KNOW you wanted to do better, and NOW you are. I am proud of you today!

    • I forgive you, I fight the exact same battle and your words I could have written as well. Forward now and do be proud of yourself!

  • I forgive you for taking advantage of the free bar at the resort the day of the wedding, then embarrassing yourself and your partner at the wedding and reception. You felt socially awkward, tried to mask it with free booze, and totally overdid it. It’s been 3 years and it’s time to move on. People are kind of expected to drink too much at weddings, this time you were that person, and you will never be again!

  • we forgive one another, without forgetting why we have come here as a group. We have a fresh start, momentum, hope. Most of all we forgive ourselves for all the lost time. We are good now. We are very good, good enough to face each day without feeding the bad wolf!

  • I forgive myself for not being present with my kids, for one time being so sick in the morning and not being able to take them to school. I forgive myself for compromising my health, drunken sexual behavior and getting herpes. Then doing it again. Day 1. Again.

    • So sorry for your pain. You are forgiven and you can do this. I’ve had many day ones too. Most of us have. You can do it. Sending you hope and hugs!

  • I forgive you for losing yourself in drinking a bottle of wine most days after your husband died even though you promised to live a life that would make him proud of you.

    • I forgive you; Your husband would understand this and he would forgive you too. Now you go forward with your head held high because you ARE doing just what you promised him. He is proud of you!! Hugs

  • I forgive myself for all the missed opportunities for being with my children, for being a horrible wife that avoided her husband by staking out space in the bottle, for being cranky all morning and all afternoon… and then repeating the whole messy process over and over again. I did some really shitty things BUT THAT’S OVER NOW and I’m sorry.

  • I forgive myself for living in squalor and letting my beautiful apartment become a mess and for letting alcohol run my life –
    what I thought was a friend, is a wolf in disguise.

  • I forgive you for wasting years sitting and drinking while life was happening all around you. I forgive you for not understanding what you were doing and that you could reach out for help and stop. I forgive you for all the mornings you woke up hungover and had to go to work feeling like shit and not being at your best. I forgive you for picking fights with your husband because you were drunk and pissed at the world. I forgive you for thinking about drinking all day, every day for years. It’s over and you are free.

  • I forgive you for getting a DUI with a BAC of .20, luckily without causing injury to anyone including yourself. I forgive you for having the shameful ignition interlock device put on your car for four months, for costing yourself nearly $5,000 in fines, court fees, and increased insurance premium. I forgive you for NOT quitting the wine habit right then, for continuing to drink for a full year after this traumatic “wake-up call”. You were just too damn stubborn and resentful of the obvious necessity to change, weren’t you? But because you eventually DID say “no more!” forever, you are forgiven, you very foolish woman…

    • I forgive you – wolfie is always whispering in our ears — damm that wolfie – you are here, that’s what matters.

  • I forgive you for driving home drunk so many times, for knowing you would lose control but drinking anyway, and for drinking other peoples drinks when they weren’t looking. I forgive you for hitting on friends husbands because you just wanted to be loved and sabotaging yourself every time you started getting ahead in life. I forgive you I forgive you I forgive you.

    • I forgive you and stand in the light of live with you now we have moved forward we love ourselves and we are accountable for our actions we are forgiven.

  • I forgive you for hiding the wine bottles and wine glasses and telling everyone you weren’t drinking. And I forgive you for drinking while watching your granddaughter and falling asleep when she did and getting nothing done around the house. I forgive you for numbing the pain, when it hurt so bad, but the pain will still be there when you unnumb.

  • I forgive you for doing what anonymous did: for not getting full custody of my son and putting him off on other people. I thank the Goddess I had a wonderful mother in law who mothered him for me until she passed on from colon cancer last fall. He is almost 17 and an exceptional young man, because of her. I forgive you for doing what everyone else expected you to do in life and numbing the disappointment with booze. I forgive you for not realizing that you were always enough. Beautiful enough, thin enough, smart enough and just enough. I forgive you for not living up to your full potential, solely because alcohol made you make stupid choices and stupider decisions.

  • I forgive you for drinking for 33 years and drifting through life selfishly numbing the bad stuff as well as the good. I forgive you for hiding in alcohol when you got divorced and not taking control and getting full custody of my daughter instead of shared and putting her off on other people. It’s hard to forgive myself for this but I know I must in order to stay sober. I feel forgiveness in the beautiful relationship that we have now.

  • I forgive you for not being available for late night party pickups because you had been drinking. I also forgive you for not being able to go to great events because that would mean not drinking. I forgive you for being too drunk to drive anyone where they really wanted to go, leaving it always up to other parents, or making the kids stay overnight at parties because I would not be able to pick them up.

  • I forgive you for not taking care of yourself, being selfish with time and love, and not being the role model you wanted to be for your kids. Alcohol is sneaky and slowly takes over–you didn’t realize this but now you do. I’m proud of your progress and know you will never return to that past. I forgive you for taking so long to acknowledge the truth about yourself.

    • I forgive you and I forgive me for not being the parents we thought we should have been to our children. But we can start NOW, and be the parents that they need.

  • I forgive you for waking up without remembering where you are or where your dress is . I forgive you for drinking so much you were too sick to enjoy the next day . I forgive you for numbing yourself because you were so tired of feeling pain .

  • I forgive you for allowing your life to become so small – letting your interests and hobbies and friends fade away, just getting by at work instead of taking on challenges, getting fat and unfit, forgetting home-making, losing confidence… You didn’t know the drink-now voice could ever be over-ridden, so that you could turn life around for you and the person who loved you enough to be with you even when you were no longer contributing to making a life together.

    • I relate to this 100% . You are not alone. This was me . I’m so happy it’s over . I’ll never go back.

  • I forgive you for drinking way past the time you knew you should stop, for spending so many of your precious days alternately numb and hungover, and for starting drinking again soon after your mastectomy, fully informed of the risks. I know you thought you needed anesthesia to get through your life. You are forgiven.

  • I forgive you for drinking after a major disaster while people were trapped in buildings, hurt or dead, or waiting to hear from loved ones I forgive you for driving drunk to get more alcohol that night and numbing myself to the tragic reality 🙁

    • Tragedy is always hard, and when we are accustomed to drinking the pain away that’s what we do. You are forgiven and can set this burden down now, and move forward!